Last year’s record: 29-53
Head coach: Don Nelson
Projected Starters: Andris Biedrins, Anthony Randolph, Stephen Jackson, Corey Maggette, Monta Ellis

Overlook:

With a young, inexperienced lineup, look for the Warriors to lose more games than they win. There’s a lot of talent in Golden St., but the Warriors likely still have a ways to go before they will be considered true playoff contenders.

X-Factor:

Jay – Stephen Curry. Does the rookie guard have what it takes to make the transition to the NBA or will he be yet another collegiate star who doesn’t pan out in the league? I’m worried his frail build and lack of elite athleticism will keep him from making too big an impact, but the gunner from Davidson could prove me wrong.

Tommy – Don Nelson. This odd collection of talent gives me visions of Nelson sitting in a dark room somewhere, watching film and cackling to himself. It’ll be fascinating to see what Nelson and Co. can come up with.

TJ – Monta Ellis will need to show more leadership heading into the season as the Warriors starting point guard. (That means stay off the bike and in the gym working on your game, Monta.)

Biggest question mark:

Jay – Chemistry. The Warriors have a fair amount of talent, but it’s a mismatched crew. They have little size, no true point guard, and very few players with a defensive mentality. If Don Nelson can somehow get the team to develop chemistry, the Warriors could surprise a lot of people. But it’s a BIG if.

Tommy – Will they have any reliable big men coming off the bench? Even Nelson has to play at least one big guy off the bench and it’s slim pickings with Mikki Moore, Ronny Turiaf, and Brandon Wright.

TJ – Will the Warriors honor Stephen Jackson’s request and trade him to a playoff contender or will they let his disturbing attitude destroy the morale of a young nucleus?

Most compelling storyline:

Jay – Can the youth grow up quickly? Anthony Randolph, Anthony Morrow, and Stephen Curry all have the potential to be very good pros, but they will have to mature quickly for this team to have any chance at being good.

Tommy – How long will the Nelson-Curry honeymoon last? Will they have a messy divorce like Nelson and former love Belinelli this summer?

TJ – Can the run-and-gun style of play help this inexperienced roster win some ballgames? While fun to watch, the style has not proven conducive to winning big games.

Player to watch:

Jay – Stephen Jackson. The loose cannon has already begun the season disgruntled with management, requesting a trade before the season has even begun. Can he get his emotions under control enough to mentor a young team? When focused, Jackson is a true threat on both ends of the floor.

Tommy – Monta Ellis. Important year for him. Which way does he go as a player?

TJ – Anthony Randolph is going to be a stud; in my eyes, the question is when, not if. If I were the Warriors, I would rebuild the team around Randolph and Monta Ellis.

Projected Record:

Jay – 30-52

Tommy – 38-44

TJ – 32-50

June 18, 1986 The Washington Post-

“The world turned green for Len Bias today.
Every time he turned around, somebody seemed to be shoving something leaf-green or forest-green or money-green at him, whether it was a green felt cap or a green silky jacket or a green nylon bag.
Make that Boston Celtic green.”

And then, without warning, he was dead.

While all the other Celtics legends are considered legends for what they did, Len Bias is a legend for what his cocaine overdose never allowed him the chance to do.

The second pick in the 1986 draft, Bias was poised to help the rich get richer; the 1985-1986 C’s had just stormed through the NBA, easily taking the organization’s 16th championship. Still, they had the second pick in the draft because of their 1984 trade sending Gerald Henderson to the Seattle Supersonics.

With a frontcourt that already held Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish and Bill Walton, the Celtics added Bias and were instantly the deepest, most talented frontcourt of all-time. They had length, height, rebounding, passing, athleticism and shooting – and that was just in the frontcourt.

Bias was set to bring a blast of youth into an aging but incredibly skilled and talented ballclub. According to Celtics’ scout Ed Badger (via the Washington Post), Bias was “maybe the closest thing to Michael Jordan to come out in a long time.”

In fact, he had physical talent not even Jordan possessed. 6’8” with the long reach of an octopus and the sculpted, lean build of a heavyweight champion, Bias was seemingly born to play basketball.

And he could jump. Boy, could he jump. The rumors about Bias were that he could soar into the air and take quarters off the top of the backboard.

But Bias wasn’t just an athlete – he knew how to play basketball, too. Len was great at utilizing the bounty of athletic tools at his hands and was able to breathtakingly combine the speed to get by his man, the strength to finish at the rim and the finesse to escape would-be defenders.

With all those tools, playing for the NBA’s top team and lucky enough to have Larry Bird as a mentor, what could possibly stop Len Bias from reaching the NBA’s pinnacle?

It sure wasn’t his attitude. Bias had the heart of a champion, playing every play with the ferociousness of a caged pit bull. He had the swagger limited mostly to the all-time greats, that unwavering confidence in his abilities and the knowledge that his opponent could not and would not stop him.

Len Bias had it all; talent, charisma, and an incredible work ethic raved about by none other than the great Red Auerbach. There was no doubt he was going to be one of the NBA’s all-time greats.

But it wasn’t to be. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it God or just call it death. Whatever it was, Len Bias would never capitalize on his newfound fame. He would never walk onto the Boston Garden’s parquet floor to 15,000 fans chanting “Lenny, Lenny, Lenny!” He would never sit on a float in a parade as one million Bostonians came to cheer their newly crowned champions.

On June 19, 1986 Len Bias passed away and, with his death, the Celtics seemed to die, too. They valiantly struggled through the 1987 season, watching as injuries and old age derailed their championship defense. For 21 long years after 1987, the Celtics failed to make the finals, a shocking lull for a team that had won 16 titles in the 30 seasons prior to 1987.

Nobody knows how a healthy Bias would have changed the Celtics. Would his presence have added years onto Larry Bird and Kevin McHale’s careers? Would he have been the star he was supposed to be? Would he have been able to lead the Celtics to championships even as Bird, McHale and Parish faded into the twilights of their careers?

Instead of a lasting image of Len Bias lifting a championship trophy, or lifting an MVP trophy, we are stuck with the picture of Bias at the NBA draft, wearing his cockeyed cap halfway off his head, smiling and proud to be a Boston Celtic.

Bias spent only two days as a Celtic but in those two days he invigorated the Boston fan base and inspired the Celtics’ community. He was going to be our next savior, our next champion, our next leader.

Bias never became any of those things, but he will always be a Celtics legend.

It’s weird. The 22-year championship drought from 1986 to 2008 seemed like such a long time.

But for Lenny Bias, 22 years was far too short.

The Chronicles of Lester Hudson are a series of interviews with the Celtics’ only draft pick, in which we will delve into his past, explore his current situation with Boston, and do a little speculation into his future. Today, we catch up with Lester as he prepares for his first ever NBA training camp.

A little over a week ago, we had our first interview with Lester Hudson. In it, Lester talked about his past and how he felt to be drafted into the Celtics’ organization, and gave us a breakdown of his game. Now, as training camp draws nearer, we take a look at how Lester is preparing himself for the upcoming challenges and his mindset as he heads to training camp.

Jay King: What’s a typical day for you since you’ve moved to Waltham [where the Celtics' training facilities are located]?
Lester Hudson: I wake up around 8:30, grab a quick bite to eat and I’m at the training facilities by 8:50 or so. I’m on the court by 9:30, doing drills. First, I’ll work on my ballhandling for about 15-20 minutes, getting the feel back in my finger and getting ready to handle NBA pressure.

After that, I do some work spot-shooting, shooting off the dribble (mostly one-dribble pullup jumpers and up-fake one-dribble pullups), coming off the pick-and-roll, some fast break drills, working on my NBA three-point range, just a lot of different drills every day. Those will last until about 10:30, when I go to do some defensive drills with the other young guys on the team.

When we’re done with those, at around 11:00, we go play about 4 or 5 games of pickup with all the guys on the team. Most days we run 5-on-5, but sometimes we go 4-on-4. After the pickup games are done, I go to lift weights and then I’ll go back and take a shower, maybe take a nap. Three to four times a week I’ll then come back later to get some extra shots up, just working on extending my range, getting better consistency on my shot, and shooting off the dribble. The NBA three-point arc is a long way away, but I feel I’ve gotten it down and I’m starting to shoot the ball really well.

How do you feel about the way you’ve been playing so far?
Really good. I know I can play at this level, and I’m confident I can produce. I’m a new guy so I know I am going to make mistakes, but that’s okay. What I have to do is just keep learning from those mistakes, keep getting better every day. I’m just trying to take in everything I can from everybody I can. From last year’s rookies to KG, they’ve all played more in the NBA than I have, they all know more than I do, so I’m just trying to soak it all in.

I’m full of confidence, but sometimes I’ve been too passive. Playing with the Big Three and all these other guys, you know you can just give them the ball and get out of the way, and something good will probably happen. But you have to stay aggressive, you have to make sure the defense plays you to make it easier for everybody else. And the guys all tell me when I’m too passive, when I should take a shot or make a play rather than just swing the ball.

As a rookie, you can’t come in and just shoot, shoot, shoot. I’m going to take open shots, make plays when the defense is a bit off-balance, and just do whatever I can to help this team.

What has impressed you most about the other players?
Just the way they’re looking to help you out, and how much they compete. Everybody’s trying to help you out, nobody’s trying to push you in the wrong direction, both on and off the floor. Everybody’s been giving me advice on the court, helping me with reading plays and stuff, and they tell me to keep playing hard, stay humble, make shots and make plays every day. They tell me that as long as I do that, everything will work out for me.

It’s hard to choose what player impresses me the most, because there are so many good players on a championship team like ours. But everybody has impressed me with how hard they compete. Everybody is out there competing, trying to work hard, fighting for everything. When we play pickup, we sometimes have one of our managers play because we don’t have enough. Even then, guys are going after the manager like he’s Paul or Ray or KG. It doesn’t matter who any of these guys play against, they’re going to be out on that court battling to win. There’s no such thing as lackadaisical with these guys.

Training camp is less than a week away. What’s your mindset going into the camp?
I’m very excited. I’m ready to show everybody that I can play, run a team, and learn the offense. My biggest task is going to be learning the plays, watching Rajon Rondo and learning everything he does. I need to learn how to execute the best way I can, so I’m just going to watch Rajon a lot and listen to everything the coaching staff has to say.

I just want to play my heart out. Everybody’s excited, we all just want to compete against each other; everybody loves to compete. We want to go to war with each other, and you gain the trust in each other to compete against other team’s while you’re competing against yourselves. We all just want a ring, and I’m trying to come in, play hard and try to learn something. As you know, it’s my first training camp, so I’m really excited to see what it’s going to be like.

I know you played a lot of shooting guard in college. Do you feel you’ll be used mostly as a point guard with the Celtics, and how do you feel about that?
Yeah, I think I’ll be used mostly as a PG. I think if I did play the two, it’d be if I really had it going and they wanted to keep me in with Rondo on the floor.

I’m starting to feel really comfortable playing point guard and setting up other people to score rather than doing all the scoring myself. I know people are going to sag off me and dare me to make plays because I’m a rookie, so I just have to stay ready to knock down shots and make plays. Another thing about me as a point guard is I think a lot of people saw my scoring numbers last year and didn’t realize how good a passer I am. I think everybody will learn I’m a much better passer than a lot of people expected.

Any update on the contract talks?
Not recently. We should be talking soon, and hopefully it will be positive. I think I’ve got a really good chance. The Celtics have told me they might bring in another point guard or two – probably a veteran – so I just have to go out there and prove myself to be the best option the Celtics have. I have a whole lot of confidence in my game that I’ll be able to outplay any veteran they might bring in.

Nobody can deny Kendrick Perkins’ improvement; he’s come a mighty long way from the big, bumbling center the Boston Celtics acquired from the Memphis Grizzlies in a draft-day trade in 2003.

Once upon a time, Perkins was best-known for being the second-year player taken off the bench in a 2005 playoff game to shoot Paul Pierce’s free throws. For those who forget, Pierce was too shaken up by a hard foul to remain in the game. Perk, who had yet to be inserted into the game prior to that point, was summonsed by Pacers’ head coach Rick Carlisle to shoot the free throws (by NBA rules the opposing coach is allowed to choose the free throw shooter if the player who is fouled is unable to shoot the shots). Cold and not a very good shooter to begin with, Perk bricked the two free throws, though the Celtics would still go on to win the game. At that point, Perkins was a goat, a liability.

Now, Perkins is admired and respected by Celtics fans. No longer the scapegoat, no longer the young player struggling to adapt to the drastic change from high school to the NBA, Perk has earned his respect. He’s spent a long time with assistant coach Clifford Ray, honing his post game to the point that he is no longer an offensive liability. He’s become a defensive stopper, capable of shutting down big men down low or moving his feet to hedge out on the pick-and-roll.

Perkins has improved every year, in leaps and bounds. He’s gone from a rookie in 2003, averaging 2.2 points and 1.4 rebounds per game, to an integral piece of a championship contender, a true workhorse able to contend with the likes of Dwight Howard. Rajon Rondo played out of his mind in last year’s playoffs, and Ray Allen and Paul Pierce both had their moments, but I would argue it was Perkins who was their most valuable player; it was Perk who held the fort down inside against Superman, who was the Celtics’ only reliable low-post stopper and a suddenly reliable scorer on the blocks. Perkins, pretty much on his own, kept Chicago and Orlando from scoring at will in the paint.

But will Perkins ever be an All-Star center?

Before you call me crazy for even suggesting that he might one day make an All-Star team (after all, his career highs are 8.5 points and 8.1 rebounds), hear me out…

Perkins has improved every year. He plays for a championship-caliber team that will likely contend for at least the next two years. His position, center, has traditionally been the easiest at which to make an All-Star team (see: Jamaal Magloire). He’s still only 24 years old, and has demonstrated a great work ethic and a willingness to refine new parts of his game each year. Last season, for the first time, he showed the ability to stay out of foul trouble and play more minutes.

More minutes means better stats, and if Perkins can accumulate a double-double average with two blocks per game, and the Celtics can run up the best record in the East, it might be tough to keep the big fella out of the All-Star lineup. And if not this year or next year, what about when Kevin Garnett and Rasheed Wallace no longer play in Boston, and Perkins is the only one left to roam the lane? That will mean more touches and even more minutes and, with his work ethic, he’ll presumably be better by then, so…

I know, there’s a lot of if’s associated with Kendrick becoming an All-Star center, but isn’t there a chance? Isn’t there?

In the end, it doesn’t matter to the Celtics if Perkins makes the All-Star team. They know they can rely on him to be a dependable defender and an opportunistic scorer. They know he’ll bang down low and rebound the basketball. It’s a testament to how much Perk has improved that everyone assumes Rasheed Wallace will come off the bench rather than supplant Perkins in the starting five.

And that’s exactly where the Celtics need him. All-Star or not, Kendrick Perkins has become a key player for the C’s now, and a cornerstone for the future.

Up and down, up and down, up and down. I could be talking about the Celtics’ play this season — and I wish I were — but I’m not. Life’s ups and downs put everything into perspective for me today; One second, I was sitting, watching a basketball game that my team won, and I was at once upset because of how they played and elated with how they won. The next, I heard crashing, then tears, and finally I started to cry a little myself.

I don’t want to share any more details about what happened; It’s tough for me to write about my personal life. I can write about myself all day long, and I can write about the Celtics for even longer than that, but when I need to talk about the people, the things, that matter most to me, it’s hard. How do you write about a personal subject, about people who truly matter to you, and then publish it on the internet for everyone in the world to read?

Maybe other people can do that, but I guess I’m just not other people. I am not going to use this forum to talk about something that happened to somebody close to me, not ever. I might bring up something serious when it happens, but I will never completely share anything that affects someone close to me.

Instead of sharing my secrets with you, instead of sharing with you everything that goes on in my life, I’m just going to relate my secrets to you when they change the way I feel about the Celtics, or when they in some way influence the way I look at the game.

Before life happened, I was upset about the Celtics’ effort, but happy about the way they’d won. I was worried by the continuous lack of heart and execution (David Lee with a wide open open dunk to tie the game in overtime?), but ecstatic by KG’s jumper.

Then there was crashing, and there were tears, and I realized that, in the grand scheme of things, a regular season game against the Knicks just doesn’t matter. Not one bit.

Anyways, I did watch the game, and I did have opinions about it, and I even wrote some of them down before life interfered with my thoughts. So here they are for you, my unimpeded thoughts.
——————————————————————————–

How do I write about a game when I’m so elated with the way the Celtics won it, yet disgusted by how they played throughout the game? How do I write about a game when the hero, the man who made the final shot that made my heart jump, was the same player whose neck I wanted to ring throughout most of the afternoon? How do I write about such an exciting win, when it shouldn’t have been so goddamn exciting?

I’m not so sure how to describe my feelings after this one. Kevin Garnett was terrible. He looked slow, he looked pained, he was hobbling around, and he looked like a brick-layer, but there Garnett was at the end to knock down three huge jumpers, including the game-winner with no time left on the clock. How do I write about it, when KG spent most of crunch-time getting acquainted with the back of Al Harrington’s jersey, but then had me jumping around in joy (and relief) at the end?

How do I write about the Celtics when all I asked for this morning in my preview was a good first quarter, and then they played a good first quarter… but proceeded to play miserably the rest of the game? Do I write about how they responded to my wishes, or do I write about how they reverted right back to the lazy team they’ve mostly reserved for first quarters?

I just don’t know where to start, where to finish, or where to end. Paul Pierce was great. He not only carried the Celtics offensively, but he made an enormous block on Wilson Chandler down the stretch. Don’t ask any questions about why Chandler was shooting a stepback jumper in crunch time, just realize that it was Pierce who sent it right back off him and out of bounds.

Rondo is another player who confused me tonight. He did it all — rebounds, points, assists — and made it look easy. But it makes things so much more difficult for his teammates when Rondo’s defender doesn’t have to be anywhere in his vicinity when Rondo has the ball in his hands. Whoever was guarding Rondo spent his night five feet away from Rondo, and while Rondo had a very good game, it clogged the paint for everyone else. On the plus side, he shot 4-8 from the free throw line. Why is that a plus? Because it’s double his free throw percentage to this point.

Kendrick Perkins was again solid. 16 points, 13 rebounds, and four blocks for Perk. The man is turning into a defensive monster, and is now serviceable with the ball in his hands, too.

Rasheed Wallace’s slump, if it could, got worse. You can’t possibly shoot as poorly as Wallace has over the last handful of games, even if you had Hellen Keller’s vision and the soft touch of sandpaper. I’m not too worried; Wallace has spent his career proving himself as a good shooter. That shouldn’t stop now, even as he nears the twilight of his career. At some point, Wallace should snap out of his slump… right?

The bench was awful, the starters were okay, and the Celtics have yet to put a good team effort together over the last couple weeks.

But in the end, it doesn’t really matter. Over a season, the Celtics will have their ups, and they will have their downs, but hopefully they’ll peak at the right time. Whether they play great now, or look like the New Jersey Nets, the only thing that matters for the Celtics is being ready to win come playoff time. The way the execute now means nothing; the Celtics will end up with a good record, and they should have a good seed in the playoffs. A meaningless game with the Knicks is just that — meaningless. The Celtics came away with the win, and that’s all they needed.

After all, there are a lot of things more important than a regular season game against the New York Knicks.

Rajon Rondo has played some fine basketball this season, and has been one of the C’s best players, if not the very best. I’ve been on record as saying I loved his selflessness and great team play.
But tonight was the first game his play finally approached what he did in last season’s playoffs. Remember, back when he was aggressive and destroying teams? Back when he didn’t give a damn who was guarding him or how he was being guarded? Rondo was a monster in the playoffs, and he was a monster tonight, especially in the second half.

He was going to the hoop and, instead of kicking it out, attacking all the way for layups. He was snatching rebounds, pushing the tempo, and disrupting the Warriors offense. After 30 or so minutes of emotionless play, Rondo was the one who took the Celtics’ collective head out of its ass by burning Golden St. time after time.

I’m so happy about Rondo’s breakout performance that I haven’t even talked about the first half yet. Do I even have to talk about the first half? God knows I don’t want to.

It was an abysmal performance during which the Celtics went through the motions and didn’t do much of anything right. Perkins scored a lot, but nobody rebounded, nobody contested shots, and nobody stopped penetration. Players like Vlad Radmanovic — players who have no business driving by a toll booth, never mind a professional basketball player — got into the teeth of the Celtics defense and made plays. The C’s showed no heart, no emotion, and no energy. It was a listless, lackadaisical performance that I would like to forget. Like, now.

The second half was a different story, as the C’s finally snapped out of their funk and looked alive. Rondo was the catalyst, but everyone had a little extra pep in their step. The C’s held Golden St. scoreless for a span of over six minutes in the third quarter, and their offensive ball movement picked up as the defensive rotations improved.

It’s funny what a little energy will do. The C’s have looked horrible for a few games now, but when they pick up the intensity, when they do the little things, when they actually look like they’re trying, the Celtics can look unbeatable.

And Rondo’s play went a long way towards helping them look that way tonight. At least in the second half.

Here’s a running diary of my thoughts during the game, while it was going on.

First Quarter

I’m going to start things off with a great pregame tweet from ESPNBoston’s Chris Forsberg (follow Celtics Town on twitter here):

ESPNForsberg: Mikki Moore enjoying his time on Golden State. Says players call him the O.G. Reporter asks if that stands for “old guy.”

My thoughts? If I called Mikki Moore O.G., it would probably stand for “Oh-my-goodness-I’m-glad-he’s Gone.

O.G. is in the starting lineup, and he was booed by the Boston crowd. In other news, the over/under on time before O.G.’s first foul in tonight’s game is two minutes. I have the under.

It wasn’t just under, it was way under. O.G. commits his first foul 18 seconds into the game. I think it was the longest he’s ever been on the court without committing a foul.

Vladimir Radmanovic is guarding Kevin Garnett to begin the game. I’ll repeat that: Vladimir. Radmanovic. Is. Guarding. Kevin. Garnett. If he has a pulse, he should have a big game.

Garnett may not have a pulse. If he did, he would not have been dunked on by O.G., like he just was. Wow, Garnett was just dunked on by O.G. That’s way, way more shocking than it would have been if O.G. played a full half without committing a foul.

Right after posterizing Garnett, O.G. committed his second foul in the first three minutes.

The Celtics are having their way with Golden State’s defense. Then again, so would my 4th-grade CYO team. 9-5, Celtics.

Unfortunately, the Celtics’ now-porous defense is also getting shredded. 13-9, Celtics, but Golden St. is really getting some good looks.

The C’s should have an incredibly easy time scoring down low tonight. As already mentioned, Garnett is being defended by Radmanovic. Another matchup: The Rondo-thin Anthony Randolph is guarding Perk. Perk just sealed him all the way under the bucket and drew the foul on Garnett’s entry pass. Celtics should feed the ball down low every single time they have the ball.

On the other side, the C’s bigs will really struggle to guard the more mobile Warriors bigs. And no, I’m not talking about O.G.; I mean Randolph and Radmanovic.

O.G. back in the game with 4:30 left in the quarter. I’ll let you know when he picks up his third foul.

The Warriors are so small that even Rasheed Wallace seems content with playing on the blocks. He was on the blocks his first possession, which ended up with him kicking it out of the post to an open Celtic outside, then scored out of the post his second possession. It’s odd to see Rasheed in the post, and even odder when you realize he still possesses a lot of post-up skills. It makes you wonder why he spends so much Goddamn time out at the three-point arc.

Huh? Raja Bell? Wasn’t he going to get surgery? I guess he’s going to play for now while the Warriors are short-handed. Or maybe me reading the headlines rather than the whole article led to me missing where it said his surgery wasn’t scheduled for a little while. Frankly, I don’t know, and if it was someone more important than Raja Bell, I’d probably find out. But I’ve got bigger fish to fry than Raja Bell.

C’s are winning, 27-23 after the first half. They shot a ho-hum 59% from the field, and are getting whatever shots they want. The Warriors, though, are keeping it close by spreading the floor and actually outrebounding the Celtics. There is no excuse to be outrebounded by this squad. None.

Second Quarter

J.R. Giddens played the end of the first quarter, and is playing the start of the second quarter now. Umm, maybe the Celtics DO need Andres Nocioni? In all seriousness though, I would appreciate it if the C’s didn’t spend $21 million over the next three years on a player who may or may not even be able to crack the rotation this season. He’s a tough, gritty player, but Nocioni plays little defense and can’t do much of anything on offense besides hit open threes. Please, Danny Ainge. Don’t do it.

O.G. foul update: It’s a miracle, but he still only has two fouls.

Ew. Ew, ew, ew. I know Rasheed Wallace is old, but he doesn’t have to look like he never ran a fast-break before. In case you didn’t see it, ‘Sheed got a steal, passed it off to Rondo who dribbled it upcourt and fed a running ‘Sheed on the right win for an easy layup. Well, it should have been easy. Instead, ‘Sheed looked like he had the slowest seizure in the history of mankind, half-running and half-walking into his defender and losing the ball in the process. I just puked in my mouth a little.

Remember the “best defense in the history of the NBA” talk? I may sound a little like Jim Mora, but here goes: Best Defense?? Best Defense?? I just want to get a stop!! It’s 41-39, Celtics with just under six minutes left, and they can’t seem to stop anyone.

The Warriors have very, very little defensive intensity. Whenever the Celtics get a little ball movement, they get easy looks, but when the C’s are going one-on-one they’ve had a little tougher time. Move the ball, Celts. Offense is extremely simple against Golden St., I promise.

Meanwhile, the C’s have no defense whatsoever. The Warriors aren’t just getting good shots, they’re getting layups and dunks. Radmanovic has gotten into the teeth of the Celtics defense time after time. Boston’s help “D” doesn’t just seem bad, it seems nonexistent.

Giddens is inserted with four seconds left in the half for defensive purposes, just in time to win the “Tony Allen Award” for inadvertently fouling a shooter at the least opportune time. Congratulations, J.R., you are the winner of a brand new basketball tutor!

Celtics leading 49-48 at halftime, after a 3/4-court one-handed heave by Garnett swishes, but gets taken away for being after the buzzer. The Celtics are going through the motions, not working hard on defense, and not caring enough to move the ball offensively. It’s like the last two seasons, and the first five games of this season, are long-lost memories. Big props to @Jose3030 for the video.

By the way, the C’s are being outrebounded 21-14 at halftime. By a team that starts O.G. and Vlad Radmanovic. If you aren’t embarrassed by that stat, you’re either a) not a Celtics fan, or b) not capable of being embarrassed.

Alright, everybody, I feel better. I just switched the station to ESPN, where the Wizards are playing the Cavs, and I was instantly cheered up. I looked over at the Wizards’ bench, and I started to say to my roommate, “Mike Miller looks like a weird-looking dude with that hair.” Then I realized you can’t look like a weird-looking “dude” when you look like a woman. Why does this make me happier? For all the bad defense, all the poor offense, and all the shitty rebounding the Celtics have shown recently, at least they don’t have a player on their team who looks like a woman.

Third Quarter

The Celtics are, to keep this story short, being outworked. The Warriors are getting layups, rebounds and winning all the loose balls. It looks like the Celtics’ morning alarm still hasn’t gone off.

I think it’s about time Doc re-institutes the morning shootaround. Maybe then the C’s will wake up in the morning, rather than waiting until the third or fourth quarter to finally snap out of their deep slumber.

O.G. finally picked up his third foul. It took him about 24 minutes of game-time, or approximately 24 times the usual amount of time it takes him to pick up a foul.

The crowd seems unbelievably on edge. After watching this team play with heart, passion and guts for two full season, everyone in the TD Garden seems uneasy to watch such a heartless effort. So do I.

Earth to Kevin Garnett. Earth to Kevin Garnett. Aren’t you supposed to be the most intense player in the league? Aren’t you supposed to keep your teammates on their toes and pump them up? Start crawling around on all fours, Garnett. Your team badly, badly needs an infusion of your supposedly contagious energy.

Never mind, Garnett, you don’t need to bring energy. Rajon Rondo will do it for you. Rondo made a few very nice takes in a row, and all of a sudden the Celtics are moving with a purpose on both ends for the first time in the game. It’s nice to see, but it makes you wonder why it took 30 minutes for the Celtics to show a little life. 70-59, Celtics.

By the way, according to Chris Forsberg, Golden St. just endured a 6:01 scoring drought. So much for the porous defense, I suppose. A lot of it has to do with Rondo; he’s everywhere right now. (Although he just waved Raja Bell by on his way to the hoop when the Warriors finally broke the drought.)

Rasheed Wallace just argued a foul call vehemently. Shocker. But the reason I’m telling this story is that Tommy Heinsohn remarked about Wallace, “Get this guy an ice cube to calm him down.” Classic Heinsohn material.

80-68, Celtics at the end of the third, and they actually showed signs of being a good basketball team during that quarter.

Fourth Quarter

A quick run by the Celtics to start the fourth puts this game pretty much out of reach, 86-70. Red Auerbach, wherever he may be, can now light up his victory cigar; the Warriors are capable of putting up a lot of points in a hurry, but they can’t possibly stop the Celtics enough to make up the difference.

I don’t want to tell Red to put his stogie away but, well, he might want to put that stogie away. Golden St. just had a six-point run to cut the lead to ten. I still don’t think Golden St. has a chance, but you can’t exactly count them out yet. Actually, yes you can. Even after a little run, the Warriors are not coming back. Not against the Celtics, no matter how bad they looked in the first two and a half quarters of this game.

Eddie House got a little hot and drained a coupled in a row. It’s amazing how streaky a shooter he is. Sometimes, he’ll seemingly go through weeks, even months, without missing, but other times he’s a cold as a New England winter night.

Ray Allen is putting Steph Curry on the blocks. I’m not sure if Ray’s had more favorable matchups so far this season than he usually does, but he seems to be spending a lot more time in the post this season. I’m still not accustomed to seeing Ray punishing opposing guards down low, but he’s been doing it with a lot more frequency this season, and he actually has a pretty polished post game.

If I heard this right, this stat is ridiculous: The Celtics were the 23rd straight team to surpass 100 points against the Warriors. I’m not sure if it’s true, and I feel like it can’t be, but DAYYUUUUMMM, that’s wild if it is.

The bum squad is in with a couple minutes to play, and this one is officially over. Rondo gets a well-deserved rest, finishing with 18 points, 12 assists and 7 rebounds.

Last update: The Celtics wound up beating the Warriors on the boards, 36-35. In other words, they beat O.G. and co. by one measly rebound. It may look bad, but they were down seven boards at halftime.