Yesterday, I wrote about my ten favorite Celtics of the decade. Today, after watching the Suns blow the C’s out in an embarrassing game, I have some venom in my heart to dish out to my ten least favorite Celtics of the decade. Now, my least favorite Celtics might be different than yours, but I don’t care. They’re mine, and I hate them!
Keep in mind, it’s hard to come up with ten people you hate the most from the organization you love. It’s a good thing the Celts made it a little easier on me by sucking so badly for portions of the decade.
Drumroll, please…. and here’s the list.
10. Adrian Griffin – What is there to hate about Adrian Griffin? He was a hard worker who always brought his lunch pail and hard hat to each game. So how could I hate him?
Because he possessed absolutely no skills, and he played for my team, damn it. When you have less skill than my grandmother, and you aren’t at least seven feet tall, and you play for my team, it’s a good recipe for being on my host hated list. When I can honestly look out onto an NBA court and think to myself, “Man, I think I could beat him one-on-one,” it’s time to hit the gym hard.
9. Joe Forte- First of all, he’s a Tar Heel… which doesn’t bode well for us Duke fans. Second of all, he was a flop of epic proportions. Third of all… did I say he was a flop of epic proportions? Remember how excited Celtics fans were after choosing three first-round selections in the 2001 draft? We had Joe Johnson, Kedrick Brown, and Joe Forte to look forward to in the coming years. Um, yeah, let’s just say that didn’t quite work out. A year later, Johnson had been traded and Brown and Forte were well on their way to playing themselves out of the NBA. It wasn’t all Forte’s fault, but he sure was pretty terrible in the NBA. Plus, Tar Heel blue will never be one of my favorite colors. (Sorry, ‘Sheed.)
8. Sebastian Telfair- I don’t hate Telfair so much for carrying a gun - in a pillowcase - through airport security. I don’t hate him for being bad. Hell, I don’t even hate him for being Stephon Marbury’s cousin… I hate him because the hype machine made me think he could possibly amount to a decent point guard. I know I never should have believed in Telfair (after all, he’d proven to be a bum even before being traded to the Celtics), but all the hype made me think he could still turn his career around and become a star.
I could go on and on about how he never lived up to the hype, but I think you probably know, and were just as disappointed as I was that he was absolutely horrible.
7. Raef LaFrentz – When your center wears two ginormous knee braces, it’s not good. When your center moves side-to-side with the mobility of a 600-lb. man, it’s not good. When that same center makes $10 million a year… he makes my all-hated team. Need I even say more?
6. Ricky Davis - For a while, I almost liked Ricky Davis. He could score, plus the Celtics traded Wally Szczerbiak and Michael Olowokandi for him. Any time your team can get rid of those two guys all at once, it should be a hell of a trade… unless Ricky Davis is somehow involved. Then you’re simply giving away fair value. Ricky was an electric scorer, and great to watch during layup dunk lines, but he had no idea what it took to win basketball games. All you need to know about Ricky Davis’ priorities is this desperate attempt at a triple-double…
5. Mikki Moore- Can you believe people actually thought this guy was the answer to last year’s lack of frontcourt depth? What a joke. It’s hard to fault Moore, because he seemed to be trying hard whenever he was on the court, but the guy was simply clueless. He had no idea what a defensive rotation was, never mind how to make one, and fouled at a rate that would make even Greg Oden jealous. When it comes to Mikki, less is Moore.
4. Rick Pitino- When Rick Pitino was coaching the Celtics, a good coach was not coming through that door! He blamed his problems on everybody else, ruing the day when the Celtics lost the Tim Duncan sweepstakes, but really, Pitino was never cut out to coach the Celtics. He alienated his stars, botched draft choices, and traded players away before they could blossom. It’s sad, but the first game Pitino ever coached would be the peak of his Celtics career. He beat the Bulls that night, then spent the next few years beating the Celtics franchise into the ground. Thanks for everything, Rick.
3. Vin Baker- If I had one penny for every beer Vin Baker drank while he was with the Celtics, I’d be a rich man. Unfortunately, drinking a lot of alcohol is not helpful while playing basketball. If it was, Baker would quite certainly be a Hall of Famer. As it is, he’s just another member of the all-hated team.
2. Chris Wallace- How can I hate Baker without hating the man who acquired him? Chris Wallace decided to acquire Baker, with four years and $56 million left on his contract, either with or without the knowledge that Baker was an alcoholic. If he knew Baker was an alcoholic, it makes no sense why he would pull the trigger on the trade. And if he didn’t know? It’s probably even more alarming. How do you trade for a $56 million player whose stats have taken a stiff decline over the past couple years without a quick backup check? (“Mr. Westphal, while coaching Vin, did you ever have any odd experiences?” ”Well, his breath smelled like a bar at every practice, he got worse and worse every year, and he normally swerved while driving home.” “Oh, well, then if that’s all, I think I’ll go ahead and trade for him.”)
1. Tony Allen – Recent events have made me at least think about re-evaluating Allen. But for a decade-long team, who but Tony Allen could be the most hated Celtic? I don’t know how many remote controls I’ve broken after dumb Tony Allen plays over the years, but I’m going to wager it’s definitely in double digits. I would say more about Allen’s propensity for making the worst possible play at the worst possible time, but I’m sure everyone has wanted to strangle him at least a few dozen times over the years and knows exactly what I’m talking about. Hopefully, if all goes well, TA won’t be headlining next decade’s list, but with the guys on this list, one thing is for certain…
Ya never know.