Rasheed Wallace, kung fu teacher

Rasheed with the Big Dipper, Wilt Chamberlain.
Rasheed Wallace says he’s been saving some of his best moves for the end of the season. (Boston Herald)
Wallace spoke of a certain unnamed opponent/friend.
“He was telling me, ‘Oh, I can guard you. All you’re going to do is go to the turnaround,’ ” Sheed recalled. “I said, ‘Dude, I taught you half of your (expletive). The teacher doesn’t show the student all his moves.’
“You know, I don’t show my whole package during the beginning of the season. If you do, then that’s what’s going to be in the scouting report on me. So now, come money time, it’ll say that I’m going to go to the turnaround. Yeah, I’m going to turn around, but I’m going to go by you left, by you right, come with the jump hook. I told my buddy to look at it like a kung fu teacher. I might teach you the lotus and I might teach you the tiger, but I’m not going to teach you the crane, because the crane can beat both of them.”
Rasheed, I’ve got news for you: This is your 15th year in the NBA. The scouting report on you is already out, my friend. It’s been out for a long time. And you know what it says?
That you’re a slow, overweight geezer who hangs out at the three-point line, gets millions of technical fouls, and only goes into the post once in a blue moon. It continues to read that you still have the potential to be a very good player, but somewhere down the line you lost your intensity, focus and desire. It says that you’re still a horse when you’re down low, but that it doesn’t matter how good you are down there because, most possessions, it would take a microscope for you to see the paint.
The point is, Rasheed, every team knows you like the back of its hand. You aren’t fooling anyone even if you have a few tricks up your sleeve. But something tells me you don’t. I’ve watched you play for the last few years, and you’re doing the same nonsense you’ve done for a long time. The same stuff you do even in the playoffs.
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