Pierce: "So how do you play like a star again?" Rondo: "Just watch me, bro."

Today could be the best day of my life.

You think I’m being hyperbolic, but I’m not. I just finished my last final, which means I’m officially done with school. I hated school. With a passion. Now I’ll never have to write another paper, study for another test, or go to another stupid class in my life. (I would say I’ll never have to read any textbook chapters again, but everyone knows reading textbooks is juvenile — I stopped doing it in like 8th grade.) I’m done with school. To quote one Billy Madison, “I hate school and I hate all of you. I’m never going back. NEVEEERRRR!!!!”

But today could also suck. There’s this big thing called Game Five tonight. I don’t want to say it’s do or die, but the winner of Game Five wins 83.1% of the time. I’m no mathematician, but that’s a pretty high number. If the Celtics lose, ending school no longer matters. Even if it will still be great to wake up tomorrow morning without having to ever think about the stress of schoolwork again. (Also, I don’t have any job lined up so I’m going to be chilling hard for the foreseeable future. If you don’t think I enjoy chilling hard, you don’t know me. I like chilling as hard as possible, and school was nothing but a big cramp in my style.) But, again, if the Celtics lose today it will ruin the day I’ve looked forward to for the nine years I’ve spent in high school and college. Yes, nine years.

So win, Celtics, win. The best day of my life is riding on it. Here are a few things the Celtics can do to help themselves (and me):

• Get Paul Pierce untracked – Pierce has gone into hibernation for the first four games of this series.  It’s not that I’ve noticed him playing very badly, it’s that I haven’t noticed him playing at all.  As Bill Simmons noted, Pierce’s recent play has almost made it seem feasible for Tony Allen to start.  Read that previous sentence again — it’s true, but there’s a lot seriously wrong with it.
• Stop Cleveland from scoring – “No kidding Jay King, you dumb asshole,” is probably your reaction to seeing the key “Stop Cleveland from scoring.”  But while stopping the other team from scoring is always a huge part of basketball, it’s especially important when you consider that Rajon Rondo is now indisputably Boston’s most important player.   The equation is simple: More stops = More Rondo in transition = very good
• Weather Lebron’s storm – I’d be shocked — SHOCKED! — if Lebron doesn’t come out firing tonight.  There are three factors going against Boston here: 1) Lebron was awful — for him — last game, 2) It’s a HUGE game, and 3) It’s Lebron F*cking James. Do you really expect him to have two subpar games in a row?
• Keep rebounding, boys – A big part of Game Four that was entirely overshadowed by Rondo’s ridiculousness was Boston’s rebounding effort.  The Celtics outrebounded the Cavs 47-33.  For a team that’s been AWFUL rebounding the basketball this season, Game Four was certainly a step in the right direction.  Additionally, the Cavs had zero — I’ll repeat, zero — second-chance points and only three offensive rebounds.  Pure dominance on the glass bodes well for Boston.
• Effort – Sometimes, it all comes down to effort.  In Game Three, the Celtics didn’t have it.  In Game Four, they did.  If they play hard and play smart tonight, it won’t matter how well Lebron plays… the Celtics will still have a shot to win.

I’m really counting on the Celtics tonight — the fate of the best day in my life rests in their hands.  For some reason, I’m really confident.  I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.