Jameer: "Vince, you've got to tell this Bianchi clown that YOU'RE the choke artist, not the Celtics."

Via the Orlando Sentinel:

You want to know why this series isn’t over?

Because it’s headed back to Boston, that’s why.

And, don’t kid yourself. In Boston sports right now there is something in the air that smells more rancid than curdled clam chowder.

It is the civic scent of uncertainty; the atmosphere of asphyxiation; the helpless feeling, that any minute, the local sports team might start choking and gagging like a Boston terrier with a splintered pork chop bone lodged in its throat.

The Boston Celtics lead the Orlando Magic 2-0 in the Eastern Conference Finals and the general consensus is this series is over. Of course, that’s what the Boston Bruins thought a couple of weeks ago when they were up 3-0 on the Philadelphia Flyers in the Stanley Cup playoffs and proceeded to pull off the biggest choke job we’ve seen in sports since Latrell Sprewell tried to strangle P.J. Carlesimo.

The Flyers won the next four games, including Game 7 in Boston, and the Bruins became only the fourth team in the history of American sports to blow a 3-0 lead in a playoff series.

Don’t think Magic point guard Jameer Nelson, a Philly guy, isn’t reminding his teammates of the amazing comeback pulled off by his hometown hockey team.

“Those guys on the Flyers were counted out and look what they did,” Nelson says.

First of all, this writer (Mike Bianchi) is an idiot.  He’s normally good, but this is awful.  I know he’s reaching to offer any sliver of hope he can to whatever Magic fans haven’t jumped off the bandwagon yet, but — DAMN! — this is a Manute Bol reach.  But I guess Magic fans have to make things up to give them hope — their play has offered none and neither does the depressing history of teams that have gone down 0-2 on their own home court.  So they turn to Boston’s hockey team to offer a ray of light.  I’ve got to tell ya, though — when a hockey team’s collapse is the biggest light of hope an NBA team sees, it’s never a good thing for said NBA team.  In other news, I have a chance to beat Nate Robinson in a slam dunk contest because — once upon a time — Chaminade defeated Ralph Sampson’s #1-ranked Virginia team.  And I can’t even dunk.

Now, let me speak on the “helpless feeling, that any minute, the local sports team might start choking and gagging like a Boston terrier with a splintered pork chop bone lodged in its throat.”  Child please.  Really, Bianchi?  You’re better than that.  You know everyone in Boston has complete faith the Celtics will finish off the Magic.  You know that any intelligent person in Orlando does, too.  Not for a second do I doubt the Celtics will win this series.  (My 23,478,392nd jinx since Tuesday — if the C’s somehow lose this series, the ghost of Red Auerbach is going to show up at my door with a chainsaw.)  They just took two games in a row, on the road, and have clearly been the better team.  Both games ended up being close, but the final scores weren’t indicative of how dominant the Celtics were.  They’re simply playing at a level right now that Orlando can’t obtain.  Do you honestly think a Bruins collapse has us thinking the Celtics will fall apart too?

So no, Mike Bianchi, you stupid, moronic nitwit, we don’t have any “helpless feeling” heading into Game Three.  We don’t think our Celtics are going to choke and gag, either.  Remember, Vince Carter’s on your team, not ours.