Say it ain't so, Paul. Please.

You’ve gotta be kidding me. I accidentally oversleep and woke up to news that Paul Pierce’s agent is “investigating Pierce’s marketability” with certain teams that could lose out on the big free agent catches (Lebron, D-Wade, Bosh, and Lebron’s elbow).

Another league executive with knowledge of Schwartz’ dealings said the agent is investigating Pierce’s marketability heading into this summer’s free agent megamarket.

The agent reportedly has looked into the interest of teams, including the Knicks and Clippers, franchises with significant cap space that may lose out on the likes of LeBron James, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade.

Would those teams, to stave off disappointment, bring in Pierce in a max-contract slot, or perhaps even in conjunction with another big name? It’s unlikely such an idea would float for a New York public that has been expecting James for the last two years.

The Celtics also have the option of renouncing Pierce, should he void the last year of his contract. Veteran minimums and the mid-level exception aside, this would leave them with approximately $15 million to spend on another max-level free agent.

But Schwartz, in this brief window, has to at least gauge his possibilities.

Though Pierce has enjoyed a relatively stress-free time as a Celtic, where his contract history is concerned, Schwartz is also known for playing hardball.

And with that anticipated lockout ready to kick in exactly when Pierce’s contract expires, an extension will take at least some of the sting out of whatever emerges as the new NBA economics.

So Pierce has a hardass agent who’s looking at other teams? Fuck. I always thought this was going to be a cut-and-dry case. Pierce, in my mind, was going to stay a Celtic — no questions asked. Now he might become a Knick or Clipper?

I don’t know. I still can’t see Pierce leaving Boston. Why screw up being a lifelong Celtic for an opportunity to play on either the Knicks or Clippers? Just for a few (million) bucks? Pierce knows he isn’t a superstar anymore, right? That any team paying him max money is destined for failure? This move doesn’t make sense unless Pierce wants to play close to home. Then the Clippers thing kind of makes me a little worried.

I don’t know what to think anymore. I always, always, always thought Pierce would be a Celtic forever. Now this agent is giving me second thoughts. All I know is: If I see Paul Pierce in a New York Knicks jersey next season, I’m going to break down in tears, puke all over myself, and then light Madison Square Garden on fire.

Scal had a short-lived rap career on 98.5 The Sports Hub. I’m waiting for his album to drop; there’s no doubt it goes platinum. Click here to listen to Scal spit hot fire.

In honor of Mike Miller being one of the C’s probable targets in free agency, here’s a clip of him shooting buckets.

Something tells me it isn’t like that when Tony Allen shoots around.

Sheed’s retiring, Perk will probably miss the start of the season, and Luke Harangody won’t exactly remind anyone of Kevin McHale. As such, the C’s will need to sign at least one backup big man this offseason.

We went over the veteran big men yesterday; now it’s time for the youngsters to get some shine:

Besides being an up-and-coming center, Amir Johnson is also a dead ringer for Andre 3000.

Amir Johnson
An intriguing option. Was once overrated for his potential. Now, people might be sleeping on him as an athletic shot-blocker who runs the floor like a guard and makes a living off hustle plays. If you’re reading this blog, I probably don’t have to tell you that the Celtics are kinda old. Johnson would be a nice infusion of youth who, at 23 years old, already knows his role isn’t to score. And it’d be nice to have a backup center who’d actually try during the regular season, wouldn’t it?

Louis Amundson 
Birdman Jr. No, I’m not comparing Amundson to Lil Wayne. Think more along the lines of Chris Anderson with a pony-tail, no drug addiction, and no ink. Amundson is all heart, athleticism and energy. Like Johnson, another young athlete who knows his role. I wouldn’t mind taking an inexpensive flier on a guy like that. 

Ian Mahinmi
For years now, Mahinmi has been lauded for his potential. He’s long, strong, athletic and has been one of the best big men in D-League history (that’s got to count for something, right?). On the other hand, he’s also been a scrub for the Spurs. So what gives? Is Mahinmi still the guy with loads of potential? Or is he the player Gregg Popovich can’t trust?

Oleksiy Pecherov
He once had a great game against the Celtics. He also stinks.

Earl Barron
Another young big man who had a nice game against the C’s this year. Averaged 11 and 11 in a brief stint with the Knicks, after playing in the D-League for most of the season. I don’t mean to rain on Barron’s double-double parade, but the Knicks might have been playing in the D-League too.

Craig Smith
If you like 6’6″ power forwards built like a powerful and cut-up bowling ball, Smith is your guy. If you’re into length, not so much. Smith would help somewhere, but Big Baby already fills the role of widebody backup.

Hakim Warrick
I can still vividly remember one Warrick play from when he was at Syracuse where I said, “Wow. Dude can sky.” And it wasn’t a bucket, or even a block — it was a missed dunk. Warrick caught the ball in the post, turned and faced, realized nobody was in front of him, and jumped to dunk the ball… off two feet, from a standstill, outside the lane. The ball bounded off the back of the rim, but I’ll never forget that miss. One of the most exciting displays of athleticism I’ve ever seen. I called my friend to tell him and he couldn’t understand: ”Huh? But it was a miss.” I’m telling you, you had to be there. But that was then, this is now. Now Warrick is a skinny, frail power forward who could use a personal trainer or a cycle of steroids. And, oh yeah, he was also benched during the playoffs.

Josh Powell
If he’s not good enough to play for the L-words, let’s hope he’s not good enough to play for the Celtics either.

Anthony Tolliver
Most people probably know Tolliver because he was Amare’s Stoudemire’s most gruesome victim this past season. But he also put up some pretty decent numbers for Golden St. Granted, it was Golden St, but still.

Chris Hunter
Looks the part of an NBA big man. And, umm, well, did I say he looks the part of an NBA big man?

Randolph Morris
Morris was once one of the top players in his high school class. So was Lenny Cooke. Some people just peak at the wrong time.

Kris Humphries
At this point in his career, Humphries is probably best known for driving by Kevin Garnett a few times. That says a lot about Garnett’s health during the middle of last season, but it says even more about Humphries’ career to date. Humphries CAN score and rebound a little bit… but I don’t think he’s the final piece to the puzzle.

Shavlik Randolph
If Doc Rivers wants a player who would be less effective on the court than I would be, Randolph is his guy.

Tyrus Thomas
There’s one thing to like about Tyrus Thomas’ game: He’s very athletic. Other than that, he mostly looks like a chicken running around with his dome piece cut off. Granted, a very athletic chicken. But still.

Sean May
May was a terrific college player. He’s also last year’s winner of the “Most Inexplicably and Most Often Called a Potentially Good Player” award. May is fat, unathletic, injury-prone, and undersized. Anyone who thinks he could be good if he stays healthy probably also thinks Grizzly Adams had a beard. Wait, Grizzly Adams did have a beard? Beard or not, May has no chance to be a quality NBA player.

Jon Brockman
Along with Luke Harangody, members of the “best white college players who have no chance of making a serious impact in the NBA” First Team.

Johan Petro
Petro’s been around for so long I thought he was like 35 years old, but he’s only 24. Unfortunately for him, that doesn’t change his talent level.

If I forgot anybody (and I’m sure I probably did), a complete list of all free agents is here.

I’m a salary cap idiot, so I need to have everything spelled out for me. Finally, someone has done it. Zach Lowe from Celtics Hub breaks down the Boston Celtics’ salary cap situation perfectly. And the verdict is… no matter which way you cut it, the Celtics aren’t going to have any cap space.

What does that mean? They’d better start drinking from the Juwan Howard fountain of youth. 

P.S. – Below is an example of me trying to understand the salary cap.

Sheed always trusted his theory.

We always knew Sheed was a cunning genius.

He needed to save his energy for the playoffs… so he didn’t break a sweat once during the regular season. He wanted a few open shots during the playoffs… so he bricked everything in sight all year long, knowing defenders would sag off him when it came to the postseason. He wanted to murder the officials after the brutal Game 7 loss… and then justified it by saying he was retiring and just wanted to say goodbye.

And the Ball Don’t Lie theory? The one Sheed screams out every time an injust call is made against him (and sometimes after pretty obvious fouls)? It actually holds true. (Free Darko)

The first entry comes courtesy of psychologists Graeme Haynes of University of Western Ontario and Thomas Gilovich (who did the original research on the “hot hand”) of Cornell University, who recently published a paper called “Ball Don’t Lie: How Inequity Aversion Can Undermine Performance” in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology*. The paper formally tests a cognitive explanation for the hypothesis frequently put forth by Rasheed Wallace that says that a player will often miss free throws after getting a foul that he does not deserve. The explanation that Haynes and Gilovich point to is a phenomenon known as inequity aversion, the idea that people prefer to avoid unfairness and injustice (even if sometimes it is not in their best interest to do so).

A study from earlier this year demonstrated inequity aversion by setting up a scenario in which two individuals were given unequal portions of money at the outset of the study ($50 versus $0). This created inequality such that one subject was a high-pay subject and one subject was the low-pay subject. Each subject then had their brains scanned while looking at slides that showed further monetary transfers either to oneself (self transfers) or to the other person in the study (other transfers). What happened was that high-pay subjects rated other transfers to be more positive whereas low-pay subjects rated self transfers to be more positive, both demonstrating that they enjoyed transfers that narrowed the money disparity between the two. Furthermore, brain activation mirrored these explicit evaluations–regions involved in the experience of reward corresponded to subjects evaluations of the transfers, suggesting that people felt that transfers that reduced inequality were more rewarding. The takeaway: People dislike inequality, even when they are in a position of higher gains.

Now back to hoops. Haynes and Gilovich examined whether inequality aversion plays out in the NBA by looking at whether players miss more free throws after an obviously incorrect call. The authors watched 102 games from the 2007-2008 season and noted any instance of an obviously incorrect call. This was always done BEFORE the fouled player went to the free throw line, and yielded a total of 77 identified obviously incorrect calls. Four additional coders examined the calls and showed substantial agreement about their incorrect nature. Then, the authors calculated free throw percentage for the first shot after these incorrect calls, which turned out to be a whoppingly low 53.2%, substantially lower than the league average for the season on first-shot free throws, 73.6% (the league average was 77.8% for second-shot free throws). This suggests inequity aversion–players felt significantly less comfortable making a free throw after receiving an unjust foul call.

See? Sheed don’t lie. It’s a shame he will probably never get to play after his theory has been proven true.