Not going to lie, I got into a car accident today. I was in bumper-to-bumper traffic and looked down to try to change my iPod to a little Britney Spears. Bam! Smacked dead into some guy’s bumper. The damn car shouldn’t have been standing there, but all I could think was “Oops, I did it again.” I mean, I couldn’t believe I’d lost all my senses. That’s just so typically me. But watching Tyreke Evans speed more than 100 mph brought me back to good spirits. At least there are SOME drivers worse than me out there. Tyreke’s simply not that innocent. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Kobe Bryant and Tim Thomas compete in the 1996 McDonald’s All-American dunk contest. Surprisingly, Bryant is the worst of the four dunkers the video shows in the second round. He has neither the creativy nor the power a competitive dunker must have. Watch for Corey Benjamin’s unnameable dunk at 1:35 in the video. It’s absolutely ridiculous–one of the best dunks I’ve ever seen.

Get well soon, son.

Let’s just say Perk was a little upset about The-Game-That-Must-Not -Be-Named. (Sports Radio Interviews)

On how tough it was to miss game seven of the Finals (editor’s note: The-Game-That-Must-Not -Be-Named):

“Think it was probably the worst time of my life. Getting all the way to the Finals, game seven, probably the most important time and I couldn’t be a part of it. You know I had to watch from the sidelines. It was one of the most hurtful feelings. I thought it woulda been better if we woulda won. It woulda made things a whole lot better, but we didn’t and I feel like maybe if I was in there I coulda helped. It’s something that you’re gonna take probably for the rest of your life, but you gotta move on and just get ready for the next season.”

I promise you the following is a true story: Yesterday, driving to the beach with my girlfriend in Maryland, about six hours away from my house, we were listening to the new Eminem CD on my girlfriend’s iPod. I love that CD, by the way. Eminem spits hot fire. Anyway, “Not Afraid” came on, and because I had heard that song in a pump-up montage I posted before The-Game-That-Must-Not -Be-Named, all the goddamn memories came flooding back. There I was, driving to the beach next to my girlfriend on a picture-perfect day, and I was legit sad about a basketball game that happened more than a month ago. I’m telling you, being an enormous fan can be an illness. I don’t know that I’ll ever stop getting flashbacks from that day, and I don’t know whether to be proud, embarrassed or confused by that fact.

Whatever I should feel about my own feelings (that’s kind of weird to say), I’m glad Perk feels the same way I do. This Celtic bunch is a passionate crew. They desperately want to win and losing crushes them. And I love knowing that.

P.S. – Read the link above for Perk’s thoughts on the Heat. Brief preview: “It looks good on paper with Miami and stuff like that, but at the same time each team is going to come at you. You gotta be prepared. It would be nothing more than amazing for us to meet up with Miami and beat them. I think any team would love to upset them.”

Von-illa Wafer. Fist pumps.

If the Celtics need Von Wafer to be the Wa-wa-waterboy with a woo-woo-wooden spoon, he’s willing to do that. Wafer, who said he signed in Boston because of the tradition, is saying all the right things. (Hoopsworld)

“I’m just going to go in and try to learn all of the defensive schemes because I know that’s going to be big, depending on how much they utilize me. They haven’t told me a specific role but I’m willing to do anything they ask of me. If they need a cheerleader, that’s fine. If they need a water guy, I’ll be getting everybody water. If they need me knocking down open shots, I’ll do that too,” he said.

“I was talking to Coach Rivers during our meeting and he was like, ‘Von, we only have the minimum to offer.’ I told him, ‘Coach, it doesn’t matter. I’ll sign for whatever, anything,’” Wafer recalls with a laugh.

“I’m just hungry right now. I really didn’t want to tell people that because they’ve heard it a million times but I really am so hungry and I have so much to prove. I can’t let that be the last time people heard from me, going out with Olympiakos. I take a lot of pride in my game and what people think of me and I don’t want that to be how I’m remembered. I’ve got to write another chapter.”

According to Wafer himself, he’s all about the team. (Slam)

“I just hope to help the team,” says the 25-year-old over the phone. “I’m all about the team first. I want to do anything I can to help make this a better team. Coach Rivers said, ‘If you’re not going to be a team player I don’t want you here.’ So I’m just gonna do my best to help make us a stronger group.”

Look, I say every day that I’m going to slim down and get back in shape. But here I am, still slow, lumpy and 30 pounds over my playing weight, and I haven’t been to the gym once in the past month. You get my drift?

Wafer can say he’s team-first until he’s blue in the face but, coming from someone who had a public feud in Houston and was then firmly in the doghouse in Greece, those words aren’t enough. I’ll believe it when I see it. Guilty until proven innocent.

This is what Perk looks like after good news.

Kendrick Perkins has begun the long road back to the parquet floor. (Sports Radio Interviews)

“I’m feeling good. I’m actually at the gym right now getting PT. I’m in physical therapy right now but just taking it one day at a time, just trying to get stronger, and it’s coming along real well. I’m just trying to take it slow, but take it one day at a time.”

I don’t know much about Perk’s lifestyle and I have never watched him work out, but from seeing him evolve over the years I know at least one thing about him: The man is a workout animal. Perk’s transformation from the pudgy, bumbling, straight-outta-high-school bum he was as a rookie into a cut-up sculpture of raw power who just might be the best defender in the league leaves no doubt that Perk is as dedicated as they come. If he doesn’t come back quickly from this injury, it won’t be due to any lack of effort.

Get better, Perk. The C’s are going to need you.

I’ve got a confession to make: This story came out yesterday. And before you guys get pissed off because I was slow to react to a story, just realize that I’m on vacation in Maryland, at the beach, with my girlfriend. I don’t have to wake up early to write about news for you mutts, but I do it anyway. In a completely heterosexual way (I think), I enjoy talking hoops with you guys and love seeing the Celtics Town community grow. Before I get too mushy and need a box of tissues or anything, I just want to thank you readers for commenting and coming back to this site. You guys make all of this worth it and far more enjoyable.

Needless to say, this isn't the Shaq the Celtics would be getting.

Okay, now that I’m sufficiently all out of emotions, on to the latest rumor. The Celtics are still interested in Shaq and Kwame Brown.

Shaquille O’Neal and Kwame Brown.

Those two haven’t shown up in the same sentence too often over the years, but they’re linked on this occasion because they both remain on the radar of the Boston Celtics.

The East champs, even after the recent signing of Jermaine O’Neal, still want one more big man after inching to the brink of a full roster with Thursday’s signing of guard Von Wafer.

The problem? The Celtics only have minimum money left. Sources say they’re having trouble getting Brown to accept those wages, so you can imagine where Shaq stands on the idea.

Word persists that Shaq still hopes to be sign-and-traded somewhere by Cleveland that will allow him to secure a salary next season above the $5.8 million mid-level exception. Our old friend Howard Beck of the New York Times did a comprehensive piece last weekend spelling out just how unlikely landing that sort of contract would appear to be. [...]

I’ve heard that Shaq, earlier this summer, was telling friends that the Spurs were the only team he’d consider playing for on a low-dollar contract.

But San Antonio, as covered previously in this cyberspace, doesn’t have the available minutes — and really hasn’t shown the inclination — to try to wedge the former local high school star into a world that still revolves around Shaq’s old rival Tim Duncan.

Atlanta? Sensible as it sounds for the Hawks to be the one team out there aggressively pursuing the 38-year-old — given Shaq’s presumed ability to both stand up to Hawks killer Dwight Howard and sell tickets in Atlanta — they just signed Jason Collins to be their No. 3 center and signed Josh Powell before Collins.

Which brings us back to Boston. I struggle to envision Shaq signing for a mere $1.35 million for next season, but the idea can’t be completely dismissed if O’Neal is serious about only signing with a team that can contend for a championship, since the Celts are still on that short list. [...]

The safer move for the Celtics is clearly signing Kwame, but I don’t think we need to remind you that Ainge — who was willing to gamble on Stephon Marbury in the second half of the 2008-09 season when so many outsiders thought he wouldn’t dare — is not afraid to take risks.

First, I’ve got to ask myself, what exactly makes signing Kwame Brown “clearly a safer move” than signing Shaq? I mean, as long as Shaq is 7’0 tall, 360 pounds and still has a pulse he’ll be a better basketball player than Kwame Freaking Brown. Am I wrong? So please, lets not pretend Kwame is somehow the safer choice, just because he has sucked his entire career while Shaq used to be a super-duper-star.

Look, I have reservations about Shaq. He’s old, fat, can’t play any semblance of defense and somehow thinks he deserves more than the mid-level exception. But if the Celtics can somehow manage to pick him up for the minimum, Danny Ainge should be arrested for theft and tossed in jail. Because while Shaq undoubtedly has his flaws, if he’s making $1.35 million in a market that fetched four years, $5 million for Darko Milicic and five years, $32 million for Drew Gooden there is no other word for it than robbery.

As for Kwame, would I pay him the minimum? I’d rather light $1.35 million on fire and then flush the ashes down the toilet. It would make more sense. I would light Kwame on fire instead of all that money, but there’s no way he’d be able to catch on fire.