He may not be a king, but he sure does live like one.

Depending on who you are, Lebron James’ party will either make you sick with envy or sick with ego-induced disgust. Or maybe a little bit of both.

I’ll run down the details for you.

UPDATE: ESPN has pulled the story. Why? Beats me. Anyway, here’s a recap.(ESPN)

1. It was at a “bustling hotel” in Vegas call the Tao.
2. Lebron had five security guards surrounding him at all times. Said security guards wouldn’t let anyone get anywhere near Lebron without Lebron’s approval.
3. A “scantily  brunette with a tattoo of a heart on her right shoulder” was able to secure Lebron’s approval to approach him. She then asked for a picture, to which he replied “I can’t right now. Maybe later, upstairs, I’ll remember you’re the one with the tattoo.”
4. Lebron was given a cake. It was in the shape of a massive crown. Lebron also wore his own initials around his neck. I want to say the initials were life-size, but what size are life-size letters? Anyway, they were ginormous.
5. After dinner, Lebron and his crew were directed “to a roped off section on the dance floor of Tao next to a couple of apparently nude women in a bathtub full of water and rose petals.” Not the worst spot to be, unless the apparently nude women were real heifers. Something tells me they weren’t.
6. Lebron wore sunglasses inside the dark club. Ya know, designers shades just to hide his face. He must think he’s cooler than me.
7. Glen Davis either wasn’t invited to the party or thought it was too crazy for him. Either way, at one point Davis walked by, looked at the crazy scene, shook his head and kept on walking.
8. Remember Lebron’s crown-shaped cake? Well, it was delivered by “go-go dancers dressed in skimpy red and black outfits” who raised four letter placards spelling K-I-N-G. I think they were looking for me, guys.
9. Countless bottles of champagne were delivered to Lebron’s table by a costumed man flying on a wire from above. To which Lebron said, “I wish they’d have one of these girls with no panties do that instead of the guy.” Don’t we all?
10. Lebron out-Dougie’d Lamar Odom, then celebrated with a shot of patron. To which fans of Lamar’s simply pointed to their ring fingers. Which, as most of you know, is where Lebron has nothing but a finger.
11. For his role in the three-day party, Lebron was paid six figures. If anyone would like to pay me that much to be serenaded by half-naked (or fully naked) women and fed bottles of champagne by a flying, costumed man, my email is jayking@celticstown.com. Something tells me I’ll say yes to any such request.

After I hearing about this party I want to be Lebron and  I want to pop a pin through his oversized head, all at the same time.

P.S. – While Lebron was busy living the good life, I am willing to bet Kevin Durant was completely without the entourage, the go-go dancers, the six-figure payday and the nude chicks. In fact, I’d put my life on it that he was either a) working on his game or b) sleeping, so he could wake up early in the morning to work on his game. Different styles for different people.