I think everyone agrees: Shaq needs a new nickname. The Diesel. The Big Aristotle. Shaq Attaq. Shaq-fu. Superman. Whatever other nicknames he’s had over the years. They’re all old news.
I’ve heard a lot of suggestions, ranging from the Big Shamrock (too boring) to the Big Leprechaun (too simple) to the Green Monster (I almost like it). The blog Plantar Fasciitis (yes, such a blog really exists) suggests the Jolly Green Giant, and with a picture like this it’s tough to turn that down.
But I’m going to turn the Jolly Green Giant down anyway. Shaq needs something better. Shaq needs something fresh. Shaq needs something Shaq-ademic. Something that won’t make him Shaq-tose intolerant. That won’t give him a-Shaq-nophobia. That won’t make him break out in a terrible case of Shaq-ne.
Unless one of you mutts has a better suggestion, Shaq needs the Big Dig.