I wonder if Doc Rivers ever regrets his decision. If he ever watches an old Shaq press conference and thinks to himself, “God damn, coaching these crazy egotistical dudes is going to drive me to suicide.” If he ever sits back, watches his son score 40 points or so in an AAU game, and wonders, “Why in hell didn’t I choose to stay at home with my family next season?”

Why do I wonder these things? Because, make no mistake about it, Doc Rivers has a job that is at once wonderfully rewarding, impossibly difficult, and a test of patience the likes of which I have never experienced.

Nobody ever said coaching stars was a walk in the park.

*****

I can see it already. Shaq loafs in practice. Kevin Garnett maniacally screams at him, throwing in swears every other word. Ray Allen shakes his head at his teammates’ lack of level-headedness, like Lee Trevino in Happy Gilmore.

Doc Rivers is going to have to calm and convince a lot of player this season.

Later in the same practice, Nate Robinson, at the wrong time, laughs at something Shaq does. Kevin Garnett threatens to fight Robinson while Kendrick Perkins takes on Shaq: “I still remember those fucking elbows, bro.” Jermaine O’Neal readjusts his headband, then flies into the fray with a People’s Elbow directed at Paul Pierce’s temple: “This is for Q, you damn actress.” Pierce narrowly avoids the elbow, whipping around and smacking Luke Harangody with a head-butt, just because.

At the same time, Glen Davis, trying to protect his brother Donkey, tries to Blind Side Kevin Garnett. Meanwhile, while all hell breaks out around him, Rajon Rondo leaves the court. He wanders all the way to Washington, looking for Kirk Hinrich. Ray Allen pulls the “Lee Trevino in Happy Gilmore” routine again, while Doc Rivers sits on the sideline plotting a way to iron out all his team’s differences.

Nobody ever said coaching stars was a walk in the park.

*****

The Celtics have stars. Lots of them, and all types. Loud stars, quiet stars, egotistical stars and classy stars. Old stars, young stars, current stars and former stars. Big stars, little stars, and stars at every single position.

It takes a special man to manage the egos of so many stars. A patient one. A well-liked one. A respected one. In my lifetime, the only coach who tried was Phil Jackson. And even Jackson failed. His team fell short of a championship, Shaq and Kobe’s feud came to a tumultuous climax, Gary Payton quarreled with Jackson about his role in the offense, and Karl Malone told Kobe’s wife he hunts little Mexicans. Not even Jackson and his typical Zen mind games could keep that team from internally combusting. The talent and Jackson’s best efforts got the team to the Finals, but they were overtaken by a Detroit Pistons team that fell short on talent but made up for it by being a cohesive unit.

By the end of the season, Kobe was the only Laker standing. Shaq was traded to Miami, Malone retired, Payton moved on to Boston. And Jackson? Well, he was fired. So it goes.

Nobody ever said coaching stars was a walk in the park.

*****

Doc Rivers almost retired after last season. His year was filled with managing egos, avoiding trauma, telling the media he liked his team even when all hell was breaking loose, and finally over-seeing a playoff-sparked revival that ended in the flames of a brutally heart-wrenching Game That Must Not Be Named. It was an up-and-down roller coaster ride that left Doc emotionally drained and seriously considering retirement.

Nobody ever sai– yeah, we get it.

*****

The Celtics enter next season with high hopes. They were six minutes away from a championship last season. They added the two O’Neals. Garnett might be healthier than last season. Rondo should be better. If all goes right, a championship could be in the works. But there are also several obstacles in the way.

Competition in the East hasn’t been fiercer in quite some time. Father Time could continue to erode the Big Three’s skills, and could be even harsher to The Green Mile. Father Injury could strike at any time, and has already taken away half of Perkins’ season. And those aforementioned egos? Let’s just say Doc will have his hands full again next season.

A walk in the park? Not a chance. But if the Celtics win a title, if they earn the 18^th banner in the franchise’s proud history, I bet Doc would be the first person to tell you it was all worth it.

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