I wasn’t surprised to hear that a teammate fought Tony Allen. Hell, if I were his teammate I’d want to fight him too. The only surprise was that the fight didn’t come after a moronic turnover or a fouled three-point shooter; it came after a game of “Boo-Rah,” the same card game that ended in Gilbert Arenas’ gun play.
According to reports, Allen beat O.J. Mayo pretty easily. Which means that, since Allen entered the NBA, two nights ago marked the first time he contributed to a win. I only kid, folks. Though watching Tony Allen caused my hair to gray and my blood to boil, he actually did contribute to a fair amount of wins. A fair amount of losses, too. And a fair amount of heart attacks.
Speaking of Tony Allen, I had a conversation that related to him yesterday. I watched a high school game my friend was coaching, and one of his players was confusing. Why was he so confusing? Well, he worked harder than anybody else on the floor. That was obvious. He was one of those kids with a million-dollar motor. But he was just dumb. He shot when he should have passed, passed when he should have shot, and was never in the right spot on the floor. He tallied a lot of points and rebounds, mostly because he worked harder than everybody else. But he also single-handedly destroyed everything the team was trying to accomplish.
So my friend asked me, “What do you think about Confusing Player X?”
I responded merely, “The Tony Allen conundrum.”
“The Tony Allen conundrum?”
“Yup. You’re going to want to kill Confusing Player X thirty times per game. But does what he offer your team help more than it hurts? If so, play him. If not, sit him on the bench.”
“I have no idea whether he helps more than he hurts, though.”
“I know. Me neither. Thus, the Tony Allen conundrum.”
Speaking of Allen, please read this article’s title: “Tony Allen is becoming unlikely Memphis Grizzlies hero.”
I guess you’re a hero when you punch O.J. Mayo in the face, then step into his position and miss five layups, but somehow still come away 19 points, three steals, two blocks, a game-saving three-pointer, and half a Walker Wiggle. Yes, half a Walker wiggle.
Back to where I started, I’m not at all surprised T.A. fought a teammate. It was bound to happen sometime. And I’m not at all surprised T.A. beat the piss out of his teammate, either. If you could only use one word to describe Tony Allen (and “turnover-prone,” heart-attack-inducing,” “out-of-control,” and “entirely-erratic” weren’t allowed), it would be scrappy, or tough.
Whether you like Tony Allen or hate him, you have no choice but to admire his grit. And to acknowledge the Tony Allen conundrum.