If I didn’t hold onto some completely-based-in-blind-faith hope that last season’s once-in-a-Shaq-three-pointer run could possibly repeat itself this year, I would write a eulogy for the 2010-’11 Boston Celtics today. I really would. But for some reason, I have hope. I know, I know; I might as well list “unicorn” as my favorite animal.
That’s how bad the Celtics have looked in two consecutive games, and, really, for the last month and a half. Today, they were outrebounded (42-26) and out-assisted (24-16). They were outshot (50.7%-45.3%) and earned fewer free throws (26-16). Mike Bibby had more rebounds (3) than Boston’s center rotation of Nenad Krstic and Jermaine O’Neal combined (1). Joel Anthony and Zydrunas Ilgauskas alone combined for more rebounds (15) than Boston’s entire starting five (14). Boston was beaten inside, beaten outside, and beaten upside the head. It was like the Heat laid out a belt, a stick and a wrench, and told the Celtics which one to pick. They picked the wrench, of course. (“Cause fuck the regular season, that’s why.”)
I would write more, but A) it’s too depressing, B) I spent way too much time watching some guy named Schwartzel win the Masters, and C) I just played my first men’s league basketball game in about six months (in case you were wondering, I looked like the version of Glen Davis we’ve seen the last few months. . . so things did not go well).
Once upon a time, and by that I mean just two months ago, the Boston Celtics were title favorites. Now, I’m just waiting for Andy Dufrense to play opera music through my jail’s loudspeakers. I need that music, so I don’t forget that there are games in this world that don’t end in miserable losses. So I don’t forget that there’s something inside that they can’t get to, that’s mine.
What am I talking about?
Blind hope, sadly, based in past successes and resting in some small part of me the Celtics have not yet torn out.
P.S. — If you didn’t hate today enough, Rajon Rondo tries to make it a little worse:
“It’s a different team,” he told CSNNE. “Not the same. I don’t compare it at all to last year, or the year we won it. Everything is different.”