In a perfect world, the Celtics would enter the playoffs with an 82-0 record, I would churn out 55 columns per day, and I would also hold the team’s General Manager and starting point guard titles. Women would want me, men would want to be me, and Kobe Bryant would never win another basketball game in his life. My dream world sounds pretty perfect, but then again, if I—an unskilled, growing-fatter-by-the-day combo guard—played point guard for the Boston Celtics, it could potentially hurt the team’s chances for an 82-0 record. Alas, my dream world is an unlikely proposition.

Sadly enough, I cannot churn out 55 columns per day in real life. Sometimes, I barely have time for one or two. Today’s one of those days. I wish it weren’t, because I’d love to write an expansive, 3,000-word playoff preview, equipped with video and jokes and wonderful (okay, maybe not so wonderful) analysis, but I simply don’t have the time. Once someone becomes stupid enough to offer me a salary for my writing, I assume I would have more time. Until that day, life will sometimes get in the way of my writing. With that in mind, this post (read: this mostly-useless piece of writing), will have to serve as the preview.

Before I leave, a few quick (and bold) predictions:

• Carmelo Anthony averages 30+ points per game
• During at least one game, a Pierce-Carmelo duel evolves
• Rondo averages a near-triple double (short on rebounds)
• Jermaine O’Neal plays more minutes than you ever would have expected
• Ray Allen drills six three-pointers in one game
• Shaq does not return all series
• The Celtics shoot more than 50% for the entire series

Celtics in six.