Kendrick Perkins is gone and he’s not coming back. I know these things and wouldn’t argue otherwise, mostly because doing so would be like arguing that San Diego means “a whale’s vagina.”
When Danny Ainge traded Perkins away for a couple scraps of metal*, the Perkins era was done and I should have moved on. But I’m the type of guy who still checks box scores to see how Sebastian Telfair’s doing, just because he once played for the Celtics. I wonder how Joe Forte’s doing, or what Kedrick Brown is up to. I occasionally have conversations discussing the merits of Dana Barros’ jumper. Recently (as in, this month), I even debated who had the better expiring contract in his expiring contract prime: Raef LaFrentz or Theo Ratliff? Years from now, I might sit in my La-Z-Boy and compare and contrast the NBA lives of Patrick O’Bryant and J.R. Giddens.
My point? Long after Celtics leave town, I still care. And when it comes to Perk leaving, I care even more. Call me crazy, tell me I should move on, whatever. I guess I just have a soft spot in my heart for 6’10″ gentle giants who scowl all day long, work hard as hell (if hell works really, really hard), and would stand toe-to-toe with any human being trying to A) disrespect them, or B) keep them from winning a basketball game. There’s a reason Kendrick Perkins evolved from a fat, bumbling rookie into a sculpted, important starter and one of the NBA’s best post defenders: he’s a true professional, one tough hombre.
(Here’s where you wait while I pull a handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe tears from my eyes. … okay, I’m ready to continue.)
Anyway, I’m not here to make another argument that the Celtics should have kept Perkins around. I’m just here to alert you how cool he seems.
When two half-brothers became enamored with Perk and started a blog in his likeness, Perk didn’t just befriend them—he treated them like family. This past summer, they attended his wedding as Perk’s guests, even going to his bachelor party.
“We started this thing as jock sniffers,” Brian Johnson, one of the two creators of Perk Is A Beast, told Deadspin. “But the Perk we ended up knowing was much cooler than the one we created.”
Read about the Perk they got to know here. And believe me, I know: I’m probably going to get beaten with a 2×4 in the comments section for mentioning that guy who used to play for the Celtics but doesn’t anymore. That’s your right. But in the words of The Roots, I will not apologize.
*Admittedly, that description of Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic is far too harsh. But before you complain, could you please just remind those two that the playoffs actually started Sunday night? Thanks.