If Glen Davis returns to the Boston Celtics next season, I will:
- pledge my support to the New York Yankees now and forever
- go for a 20-mile run on gravel, barefoot
- eat green beans and only green beans from this day forward, and…
- call the police to turn myself in for a crime I did not commit.
Davis’s ignorant comments yesterday (combined with his dismal final three months of the season) bought The Ticket Stub a one-way ticket out of Boston. To recap Davis’s remarks, he said (in different words) that A) the Celtics hindered his play last season, B) he doesn’t really stay in touch with Doc Rivers or Danny Ainge, C) Doc talks a lot, but Davis tries not to pay attention, and D) Glen wants to be Glen, and Glen wants to go somewhere Glen Davis can be Glen Davis. He used the third person approximately one zillion times, made himself look like an ass repeatedly, and did not once act as if he wanted to stay in Boston.
If his post-All Star break play did not manage to accomplish the feat, Davis has now officially worn out his welcome in Boston. He did so by again revealing the same immaturity that marred his entire four-year stint in Title Town. Once, Davis broke his thumb by punching a friend in the face, which was bad enough. That his friend was driving a car at the time made it even worse. Once, Davis told a spectator to suck his man-parts. Once, Davis started beef with Doc Rivers on the very first day of training camp. Davis’s NBA career has been stained by childish acts, and he will leave Boston the same way he arrived: as a talented but flawed player who thinks too highly of himself and failed to grasp the meaning of being a professional.
On the first day I covered a Celtics game with press credentials, I waltzed wide-eyed into Boston’s locker room to interview my heroes. My idol reporters and columnists—Bob Ryan, for one—stood in the center of the room, like vultures ready to approach and chat with any Celtic who made himself available for conversation. Ray Allen strolled in as if carried by the wind and answered questions in a business-like manner, but still put thought into every answer. Kevin Garnett, though he would not play in the game due to injury, walked through without saying a word to anybody. And then, about 55 minutes before the game began, Davis bounced into the locker room, screaming nonsense (mostly calling himself a beast) and eating a cheeseburger with french fries. He and Rasheed Wallace cracked a few jokes, displaying good comedic chemistry, and then the reporters were forced out of the locker room.
I had two thoughts at the time: 1) I didn’t know these guys were so damn funny, and 2) OF COURSE Glen Davis would eat a cheeseburger 55 minutes before a game. I didn’t initially read too much into the scene. But in retrospect, it probably explained a lot. Ray considers basketball his full-time job and treated it as such. KG had his game face on, even though he wasn’t even playing. Davis ate fried food and joked around with Sheed.
Maybe now is the time Glen Davis should stop acting like Glen Davis.