In 24 hours, Jack Bauer saves the world, staves off life-threatening disease, escapes from impossible conditions while being held hostage, develops a heroine habit, saves the world again, loses a family member to terrorists, goes rogue, makes enemies on his own side, kicks his heroine habit, further infuriates the new enemies on his own side, redeems himself in the eyes of his new enemies, turning those enemies back into friends, and then saves the world for a third time.
In 24 hours, the NBA owners and players association have reportedly made little progress, jostled back and forth quite a bit, and agreed to meet tomorrow for the third time in three days. Which, come to think of that, WHY HAVE THEY NOT BEEN MEETING EVERY DAY TO BEGIN WITH?
The owners and players have been given a gag order by federal mediator George Cohen, probably so neither side says anything stupid to set back whatever jostling progress has been made. But Cohen spoke today after the eight and a half hour mediation session, telling assembled reporters that “everyone is focused on getting a deal done” — which should have been assumed since, um, THE NBA IS CURRENTLY LOCKED OUT, but you never know when David Stern and Billy Hunter act like blind folks leading deaf folks into war.
After the meetings, Cohen reportedly ordered a drink at the hotel bar. No word yet on whether it was a double, but you try dealing with Stern, Hunter and co. for 24 and a half hours. That shit is tough.
There still wasn’t a negotiating breakthrough today, though sides reportedly made slight progress on the BRI split, one of the major moats standing in the way of an NBA season. Cohen said the meetings were “direct and constructive,” which sounds good, but may or may not have been code for, “For the love of God, can somebody please get Dan Gilbert the f*** out of these discussions before I quit my job as federal mediator?”
At least, the two sides will return to the negotiating table tomorrow. But as Billy Madison once told Veronica Vaughn, “Talky, talky, talky. No more talky.” It’s time for action. It’s time for a deal. It’s time to save the NBA season.
Or else Bill Simmons and a few other people might buy NHL season tickets instead.
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