Since he reacted like the victim of a mild lion bite, I’m assuming Jermaine O’Neal injured his shoulder last night during this dunk. Whether my hypothesis is correct or O’Neal actually hurt himself while polishing off a sleeve of Ritz crackers later in the night, Boston’s normal starting center will miss tonight’s meeting with the Toronto Raptors, according to radio man Sean Grande.

O’Neal will be joined on the sidelines by Avery Bradley, Sasha Pavlovic and Keyon Dooling, or, in other words, three-fifths of Boston’s backup backcourt. Perhaps it’s time to sign a random Harvard graduate who fears God and has shown slight promise in the pick-and-roll, and see if he can replicate Jeremy Lin’s recent performance, or perhaps E’Twaun Moore can handle the job against Toronto — they ARE the goddamn Raptors, for chris’sake.

The lesson in this predicament, as always: No more dunks, Jermaine. Any contact with the rim puts your health severely at risk — if you don’t have to aggravate the slim pieces of string cheese that hold your joints together, you really shouldn’t.

A little JaJuan Johnson tonight? Or is that too much to request?