You may have noticed that we’ve hit a pretty serious lull in our Celtics summer news. Everything is rumors and rumors of rumors, and since we here at Celtics Town have no sources, we are essentially middlemen.
But not to worry, because there’s one place where we are all getting the same information: Twitter. And since most of the Celtics’ roster is on Twitter, we are going to be following them all summer and overanalyzing everything they say because, well, we can and what the hell else are we going to do? So to kick things off, here’s a power ranking of each player’s Twitter account.
A couple of disclaimers: Instagram pictures that automatically post to the athlete’s Twitter account don’t count toward the rankings, and even if they did, they would just push our number one player even further into the lead. Fan interaction is good, but fan interaction in the form of retweeting desperate people who beg for a retweet is bad. If you are that person tweeting these players, stahhhp, you look stupid. If you are the person who begs for a jersey to be sent, please remove yourself from Twitter immediately. It’s also worth noting that many of these guys have social media advisors of some kind who make their Twitter accounts boring. They were properly docked as well.
So with that, we move on to the rankings.
1. Jared Sullinger (@Jared_Sully0)
Sullinger’s “Why do ppl talk s*** to me?” tweet is the hands-down best tweet of the offseason so far. Plus, his dad follows and interacts with Celtics people on Twitter and that’s just too awesome.
2. Jeff Green (@unclejeffgreen)
When he isn’t simping (and he’s often simping) or talking to Kevin Durant, Green’s Twitter feed reads like rejected lines from Drake’s Take Care album. Ordinarily, this would be something to complain about, but coming from a guy whose handle is “UncleJeffGreen,” it’s something to celebrate.
Note: Apparently, the above tweet is from a song by The-Dream. Don’t care. Still sounds like Take Care.
3. Jordan Crawford (@jcraw55)
As I was ranking Boston’s players, I made note of who was high on the list, midway through the list and low. Crawford was listed as “high,” which seems appropriate in, like, four different ways. Unrelated but worth noting: Crawford called Paul George “PGizzle.” Yep. He’s number three.
4. Terrence Williams (@TheRealTWill)
Williams tweets like J.R. Smith shoots; frequently, under the principle that if you tweet/shoot enough, you are bound to get a good one sooner or later (and yes, I could have used Crawford as a metaphor for this, but I wanted to get a shot in on Smith instead).
5. Rajon Rondo (@RajonRondo)
This may seem too high to some for Rondo, but his feed slays me. Rondo’s interactions with his fans are as brief as his interactions with the media, and they carry the same level of underlying disdain. You can almost see Rondo’s face going completely blank and saying “hbd” when a follower says it would “make his day if Rondo tweeted him happy birthday.”
6. Courtney Lee (@CourtneyLee2211)
Lee’s bio says he lives by “the code of Hammurabi!!!” which is an ancient Babylonian writing that dictates the law passed on by King Hammurabi. Wikipedia on the code: “Nearly one-half of the Code deals with matters of contract, establishing, for example, the wages to be paid to an ox driver or a surgeon. [..] A third of the code addresses issues concerning household and family relationships such as inheritance, divorce, paternity and sexual behavior. ” So…not really sure what that’s about. But good for Lee for taking a stand for…something. Paying his ox driver, apparently.
Lee’s feed is too cluttered with “S/O to” tweets and “make my life!” retweets for my taste, but to his credit, his in-season tweeting was pretty fantastic, even when it led to the slandering of one of the best basketball writers on the internet.
7. Avery Bradley (@Avery_Bradley)
Bradley’s Twitter is best viewed with replies on, because his tweets to his teammates make the follow worthwhile. Otherwise, you’ll see a ton of fans begging for retweets and free jerseys (seriously, people, why?).
8. Fab Melo (@Fabpmelo)
A difficult tweeter to place. Melo spends much of his time tweeting in a different language, which is fine, but not particularly appealing to uni-lingual persons like myself. On the other hand, for whatever reason, Fab’s unintentional comedy level is through the roof and he’s young enough to get how this whole “Twitter” thing works. So really, it’s a toss up. Follow him if you like soccer.
And that’s how Fab’s famed relationship with Rihanna began.
9. DJ White (@dj_white3)
There’s nothing really WRONG with DJ White’s Twitter…it just doesn’t do much. Which, frankly, makes it a perfect metaphor for DJ White.
Truly earth shattering stuff from White here.
10. Paul Pierce (@paulpierce34)
When Pierce is on his own account, it’s entertaining and candid. When his obviously-hired social media strategist is on, it’s as dry and boring as the promoted tweets that you always “dismiss” on your timeline.
Bad Paul Pierce:
Good Paul Pierce:
11. Jason Terry (@jasonterry31)
JET rarely tweets, and when he does, it’s either full of ads or it’s stuff like this: “Siiiiiiiiiiiiva #mop to God be the glory.”
The vowel keys on Terry’s keyboard must have bruises.
12. Chris Wilcox (@ChrisWilcox44)
Wilcox RTs plenty of worthwhile causes, but there is little to nothing entertaining about his feed.
Follow Tom on Twitter, @Tom_NBA, where he likes to believe he is somewhere between Jordan Crawford and Terrence Williams.