The Celtics shot oh fer 11 from the arc against the Hawks in Game 1 and Boston’s bench scored a total of four points. Ray Allen would clearly help both of those troublesome statistics, but his damn ankle just doesn’t seem to get any better.

The thought of Paul Pierce leaving basketball after this season — a productive one by any measure — provides yours truly with a headache that feels like Jonathan Papelbon riverdanced on my temples, and eyes that resemble Niagara Falls.

But Pierce recently, for the second time this season, called retirement an option when this season concludes. (ESPN Boston)

“It’s crossed my mind,” Pierce told MacMullan. “I’ve played a lot of years, ran a lot of miles. You just gotta wait and see what’s going to happen this year. You never know what direction this team is going to head in. You don’t know what Kevin is going to do, don’t know what Ray is going to do. This team could be in a rebuilding situation starting this summer. Like I said I always wanted to retire a Celtic, so who knows.”

This is a ridiculously long shot (think Jason McElwain overcoming autism to hit for 20 points in four minutes of a high school game despite functioning primarily as a team manager), but it’s the only way to swallow retirement thoughts: If the Celtics win a title and the Big Three walk off into the sunset together as champions, that would be the coolest thing to happen since I left my window open last night and my room nearly gave me frostbite this morning.

Another glorious video from our great friend @MrTrpleDouble10, first posted at Red’s Army.

By 3 p.m., expect Horford to declare himself relatively healthy and ready to compete in the playoffs. The man’s a bigger flip-flopper than my 1998 Teva special editions, but I think the moral of the story is this: Even if Horford plays, he won’t be anywhere close to full strength. That bodes well for the Celtics, unless Horford is simply doing this entire “I will, I won’t” charade just to keep Boston off balance during its preparation.

If Las Vegas gave you an over/under of 25.5 for amount of points Avery Bradley will score tonight, what would you take?

The Boston Celtics’ run to the Larry O’Brien trophy — err, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

The Celtics’ run to the second round of the NBA playoffs might have just gotten a little easier.

Shortly after describing his chances of playing in the playoffs as 7 on a scale of 10, Al Horford told Yahoo! Sports he expects to miss the entire Hawks playoff run. This effects the Celtics, of course, who meet Atlanta in round one. (Sulia)

“I don’t feel like it is realistic that I can play for the playoffs,” Horford said. “Obviously, if we advance and start going we will see. But as of right now the way I feel I think I am out for the playoffs.”

I don’t want to jinx the Celtics or anything, but if they can’t beat the Hawks without Al Horford, even on the road, they don’t deserve to advance to the second round.