In case you didn’t see Team USA play Angola, I’ll summarize the game for you in one word: massacre. I’m almost positive I could have gathered myself and four guys I went to high school with and given Angola a run for its money. And I went to a high school that has never even won a basketball state championship, and all my high school teammates who used to be legit now have beer guts. Team USA won 121-66, and I’m not even exaggerating when I say it should have been worse.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to work out. I’ve got to get in shape if four of my friends and I are going to kick some Angolan ass. On second thought, no I don’t. We could probably beat the Angolans after a month of nothing but Jager bombs and Taco Bell.

By the way, I apologize to any Angolan readers who were offended that I honestly believe I could beat their national team in a basketball game. But they should probably be a lot more offended by their own team.