Ladies and gentlemen, your new defensive coordinator.

My cousins and I are a bunch of odd ducks. We watch poker on ESPN and implement some of the sayings into our own vocabulary. For example, we were watching a special on the late, great (and also cracked out) Stu Ungar, and he was quoted as saying something like this: “As soon as the antes come out, I become a pitbull. And once I do, everyone should be afraid.” We started saying that phrase all the time. Any time somebody gets aggressive, whether it be in our own poker game, during a night of drinking, or hitting on a girl, we say “Well, I guess the antes are out.”

Almost every time the Celtics play defense, the antes are out. They kill themselves to rotate, sprint halfway across the court to contest shooters, and bust their asses to keep the opposing team from getting any type of easy look. It helped that Tom Thibodeau was a defensive Will Hunting, of course, but the Celtics stop their opponents because they are willing to execute the schemes, because they have the right mentality. Because, like Rocky against Ivan Drago, to beat the Celtics you are going to have to kill them. And to kill them, you must be willing to die yourself.

That’s why I love the changes Larry Drew is making in Atlanta. Last season, the Hawks took advantage of their athleticism and versatility by switching a lot of screens. This year, the Hawks will take advantage of their athleticism by fighting through those same screens. A small switch, to most observers, but one that will should change Atlanta’s entire defensive mentality.

On the surface, switching screens made sense for Atlanta. A lot of Hawks have similar body types and athleticism. Even their two big men, Josh Smith and Al Horford, possess the agility to defend guards on the perimeter. Switching screens, in the eyes of the immaculately facil hair’ed  Mike Woodson, was the right move. His team’s versatility guaranteed that mismatches would be few and far between, even with the switching. But Woodson overlooked one aspect of switching almost every screen; it’s taking the easy way out, and it sets a lackadaisical tone.

Instead of using the switched screens as an advantage, the Hawks used them as a way to catch some rest. As the Atlanta Journal Constitution’s Michael Cunningham remarks, “You could see that happen with the Hawks last season. Players became so reliant on the switches that they tended to relax in anticipation of screens. Why fight through picks to stay with your man when he can be always be passed off to a teammate?” And that mentality doesn’t just stop at screens. When players relax on one aspect of defense, they stop being on their toes. They stop working their hardest. They lose their edge. It’s that edge that Drew is looking to re-instill when he forces his players to become accountable, to fight through the damn screen themselves.

What Drew is attempting to accomplish in Atlanta, Lawrence Frank is charged with maintaining in Boston. Filling Tom Thibodeau’s shoes is not what one would call “easy.” We all realize that. But as long as Frank devises a defense that will keep the Celtics’ intensity through the roof, as long as he puts the Celtics in positions where their own extra effort will allow them to force difficult shots, he will have done his job.

The antes will be out.

Shaq continues to say all the right things. He’s in Boston because he wants to win. He doesn’t mind being a complementary player. He has no more ego. He’s willing to do whatever Doc Rivers asks of him. He wants to sacrifice his game because he wants at least one more championship, and maybe two.

Then why the hell did he consider signing with the Atlanta Hawks and New Orleans Hornets? (New Orleans Times Picayune)

Before the Celtics made their offer, O’Neal was interested in joining the Atlanta Hawks. But the Hawks weren’t willing to extend him a contract in the $8 million range that O’Neal wanted.

O’Neal said Friday he was interested in joining the New Orleans Hornets, and discussions took place when Jeff Bower was the general manager.

“It didn’t work out, ” O’Neal said.

I’m no genius or anything, but if I was simply trying to win another championship I wouldn’t be demanding $8 million from the Atlanta Hawks. The Hawks are a good team, but they aren’t contenders. What they DID offer Shaq, though, was an opportunity to get paid and play a lot of minutes. I’m sure that’s why Shaq was interested in going to the ATL.

And the Hornets? The Hornets??? If winning was really the only thing on his mind, Shaq would have laughed in Jeff Bower’s face when the two spoke. But Shaq was actually interested.

Look, I’m not saying that Shaq will be a problem. I’m not saying he still has an ego. I’m not saying that he’ll act up and destroy team chemistry. I’m not saying Doc should fear a Sprewell or even a Manny Ramirez. I actually don’t think Shaq will be or do any of those things. From a chemistry standpoint, Shaq wasn’t a problem at all last season in Cleveland.

Just don’t think Boston was Shaq’s number one choice all along. It wasn’t. It was his fallback plan when he realized he couldn’t earn the money and minutes he wanted elsewhere.

Dominique Wilkins has a special place in Celtics history. Not only did he make a brief Celtics cameo in 1994-’95, but he also was half of the famous Bird-’Nique duel. The one where the two stars basically played one-on-one to decide who would win Game 7 of the 1988 Eastern Conference Semifinals.

But none of that is the reason I chose this highlight reel. I simply chose it because ‘Nique treated every rim he saw like it was his worst enemy.

(h/t Dime)

I’ve got a confession to make: This story came out yesterday. And before you guys get pissed off because I was slow to react to a story, just realize that I’m on vacation in Maryland, at the beach, with my girlfriend. I don’t have to wake up early to write about news for you mutts, but I do it anyway. In a completely heterosexual way (I think), I enjoy talking hoops with you guys and love seeing the Celtics Town community grow. Before I get too mushy and need a box of tissues or anything, I just want to thank you readers for commenting and coming back to this site. You guys make all of this worth it and far more enjoyable.

Needless to say, this isn't the Shaq the Celtics would be getting.

Okay, now that I’m sufficiently all out of emotions, on to the latest rumor. The Celtics are still interested in Shaq and Kwame Brown.

Shaquille O’Neal and Kwame Brown.

Those two haven’t shown up in the same sentence too often over the years, but they’re linked on this occasion because they both remain on the radar of the Boston Celtics.

The East champs, even after the recent signing of Jermaine O’Neal, still want one more big man after inching to the brink of a full roster with Thursday’s signing of guard Von Wafer.

The problem? The Celtics only have minimum money left. Sources say they’re having trouble getting Brown to accept those wages, so you can imagine where Shaq stands on the idea.

Word persists that Shaq still hopes to be sign-and-traded somewhere by Cleveland that will allow him to secure a salary next season above the $5.8 million mid-level exception. Our old friend Howard Beck of the New York Times did a comprehensive piece last weekend spelling out just how unlikely landing that sort of contract would appear to be. [...]

I’ve heard that Shaq, earlier this summer, was telling friends that the Spurs were the only team he’d consider playing for on a low-dollar contract.

But San Antonio, as covered previously in this cyberspace, doesn’t have the available minutes — and really hasn’t shown the inclination — to try to wedge the former local high school star into a world that still revolves around Shaq’s old rival Tim Duncan.

Atlanta? Sensible as it sounds for the Hawks to be the one team out there aggressively pursuing the 38-year-old — given Shaq’s presumed ability to both stand up to Hawks killer Dwight Howard and sell tickets in Atlanta — they just signed Jason Collins to be their No. 3 center and signed Josh Powell before Collins.

Which brings us back to Boston. I struggle to envision Shaq signing for a mere $1.35 million for next season, but the idea can’t be completely dismissed if O’Neal is serious about only signing with a team that can contend for a championship, since the Celts are still on that short list. [...]

The safer move for the Celtics is clearly signing Kwame, but I don’t think we need to remind you that Ainge — who was willing to gamble on Stephon Marbury in the second half of the 2008-09 season when so many outsiders thought he wouldn’t dare — is not afraid to take risks.

First, I’ve got to ask myself, what exactly makes signing Kwame Brown “clearly a safer move” than signing Shaq? I mean, as long as Shaq is 7’0 tall, 360 pounds and still has a pulse he’ll be a better basketball player than Kwame Freaking Brown. Am I wrong? So please, lets not pretend Kwame is somehow the safer choice, just because he has sucked his entire career while Shaq used to be a super-duper-star.

Look, I have reservations about Shaq. He’s old, fat, can’t play any semblance of defense and somehow thinks he deserves more than the mid-level exception. But if the Celtics can somehow manage to pick him up for the minimum, Danny Ainge should be arrested for theft and tossed in jail. Because while Shaq undoubtedly has his flaws, if he’s making $1.35 million in a market that fetched four years, $5 million for Darko Milicic and five years, $32 million for Drew Gooden there is no other word for it than robbery.

As for Kwame, would I pay him the minimum? I’d rather light $1.35 million on fire and then flush the ashes down the toilet. It would make more sense. I would light Kwame on fire instead of all that money, but there’s no way he’d be able to catch on fire.

"Otis Smith, you son of a bitch, you can't let me play in Boston? But I want to play for a championship, damn it!"

Two players who had once been targeted by the Boston Celtics are likely headed elsewhere.

Shaq is highly interested in joining the San Antonio Spurs or Atlanta Hawks and acknowledges the Celtics have little interest in him. And it is highly probable J.J. Redick will stay in Orlando.

Shaquille O’Neal’s first choice is to join the San Antonio Spurs for one final run at a fifth NBA title, and he wants to play two more seasons before retiring, a source told FanHouse on Wednesday.

The source spent time Wednesday with O’Neal in the Orlando area, where the legendary free-agent center makes his offseason home.

The source said O’Neal said the Spurs and Atlanta are at the top of his list since there is interest with those teams on both sides. FanHouse’s Tim Povtak reported Monday the link between O’Neal and the Hawks, and there were indications from San Antonio on Wednesday that the Spurs do indeed have interest.

O’Neal also is interested in Boston but the source said he realizes the Celtics don’t have much interest in him.

Right now, the Magic seem inclined to bring back Redick even though it would plunge the team further into the luxury tax. 

“I’m not worried about what J.J. might get from somebody,” Van Gundy said Wednesday between games of the AirTran Airways Pro Summer League at RDV Sportsplex. “That would simply leave us with a decision, but the ball rests in our court. We’ll just have to make the decision when the time comes. Our intention is — and I know that from talking to [General Manager] Otis [Smith] — our intention is to match. 

“Now, if he gets a max offer — $17 million a year — I don’t know,” Van Gundy added, a smile on his face. “If somebody gives him, you know, $1.8 million, he won’t take it. So, somewhere in-between there is the number. But we go in with the intention that we’re going to match.”

I was fairly certain the Magic would never let Redick leave and,when it comes to O’Neals, I like Jermaine far better than Shaq. So consider me completely unsurprised by these reports.

"Why are the Celtics interested in me?"

Ten years ago, Shaquille O’Neal was a devastating force unlike any ever seen on a basketball court.

He was a human wrecking ball of strength, power and athleticism. He was a threat to break hoops, destroy opponents, and win a championship every season.Ten years ago.

Unfortunately for the Celtics, Hawks and Mavericks, they’re interested in acquiring Shaquille O’Nealten years later. It’s unclear what the C’s would be offering Shaq, but it would likely take the full mid-level exception. Sources say the discussions have been preliminary. (ESPN)

O’Neal would be interested in playing for each of the three teams, sources close to him said.

He has great respect for Boston’s coach, Doc Rivers, a good relationship with Kevin Garnett, and it was Shaq who gave Paul Pierce his nickname, “The Truth.” With starting center, Kendrick Perkins, sidelined for up to six months after undergoing knee surgery to repair a torn ACL, O’Neal would seem to be a solid replacement.

Shaq can still score and rebound, but he comes with plenty of problems. The two biggest are that he’d clog the lane for Rondo and his pick-and-roll defense, to say the least, leaves plenty to be desired. On top of that, his post play is no longer dominant enough to overcome those two major shortcomings.

I tweeted this yesterday when I thought only the Atlanta Hawks were after Shaq, but it bears repeating: At this point in their careers, I’d rather have Semih Erden for $473,000 than Shaq for the full mid-level. And I don’t think I’m even joking. And that was after Erden had 2 points and 4 rebounds in the C’s summer league opener, playing like a summer league version of Kwame Brown. Needless to say, I am not exactly on the Shaq bandwagon.

If Shaq DOES end up signing with the Celtics, I can only hope he finishes up next season by asking Kobe how his ass tastes.