Me, the worst Celtic in history? Child please.

Tom Haberstroh wrote a column about the worst players in each NBA franchise’s history, and Brian Scalabrine rated as the single worst Celtic ever.

I can’t read the entire article since I don’t have ESPN Insider, so I’ll leave you with Celtics Hub’s breakdown. (Q: What kind of blogger doesn’t have Insider? A: One who can’t even afford a free sample.)

But that is exactly what Tom Haberstroh of ESPN and HoopData.com fame is saying. He and his crack team of statisticians have compiled a list of the bottom top five worst players for each team in the history of the NBA (Insider Only).

Scal won (?) the honors but rounding out the list were Lou Tsioropoulos, Andy Phillip, Jim Loscutoff, and Acie Earl.  This kind of analysis is yet another reason why the infamous Belichickean mantra “stats of are for losers” is so important.

In his next column, Haberstroh will use stats to explain how the Tooth Fairy really does exist. Because THAT’S how outlandish it is to believe Scal’s the worst player in Celtics history. Believe me, I’ve seen many bad Celtics in my lifetime. I’ve lived through the worst period in Celtics basketball history. And if I can promise you one thing in life, it’s this:

On a scale of one to bad, Scal is nowhere near Brett Szabo, Marty Conlon, Patrick O’Bryant, Andrew DeClerq or Dwayne Schintzius. At times, the Big Redhead was even useful and reliable.

Long live Scal! I will defend his legacy until the day I die.

“If you’re going to have a guy on your bench, his name should be Brian Scalabrine because he’s phenomenal.” – Doc Rivers, May 20, 2010

I find no better place to start Brian Scalabrine’s player capsule than that single quote. Because there are many things Scal isn’t — in shape, an All-Star, and athletic are all things that instantly come to mind — but one thing he always was, no matter what, was unselfish. Read more »

(Is it just me, or is this song the best song ever?)

I can't be the only one who thinks this picture is pure gold.

Brian Scalabrine (the man, the myth, the legend) is weighing offers from overseas but waiting on an offer from an NBA squad. (Boston Globe)

“I don’t know what my plans are,” he said outside of Holland Community Center in Dorchester. “I’m just keeping it wide open. I’ve got good offers overseas, but my goal is to play in the States for one more year and see what comes from it.”

“Based on this year, I knew I would have to be patient. If I had to go to Europe and play I will go do Europe and play. My kids are going to go to great schools in Europe and they are going to learn the culture over there and take it as a learning experience and 10 years from now, I am going to call back and say, ‘remember when we lived in Barcelona for three years?’”

But he wants to remain in Boston.

“Is (playing in Europe) what I want to do? No. I want to play for the Celtics,” he said. “I want to keep grinding out. I want to win another championship. I really want to see what Shaq’s like.”

I love Scal. He had a great attitude, loved the team, and always brought a self-depricating sense of humor to a sport that so often lacks any type of humility. And say what you want about how Scal’s attitude had to be great with the contract he had, but there are a whole lot of NBA players who have similarly generous contracts and become problem children. 

Still, and it’s weird that I’m sorry to say this, there is no place on the Celtics for Scal. Not unless some miracle happens or the C’s decide to keep Scal on board rather than signing Harangody. Boston already has 14 players on the roster and Harangody still doesn’t have a contract. If he signs, that’s 15. And that number doesn’t even include Tony Gaffney and Oliver Lafayette. The Celtics are probably going to trade Sheed’s contract, but they’ll be getting a player in return. Which leaves approximately zero room for Scal.

I say let him take a coaching position a la Tyronn Lue. Scal was an easy target for jokes and never exactly a threat to make the All-Star team, but through it all he somehow managed to become my dude. If he does end up leaving, which seems inevitable, I will miss him. Seriously.

(I’m not sure why, but this just seemed relevant.)

I don’t know what Scal’s talking about. Everyone knows Scal is far more powerful than Shaq-Daddy. (The Sun Journal)

In limbo and awaiting the domino effect, Scalabrine hasn’t lost his sense of humor.

“Me and Shaq’s games are really quite similar. He’s an inside player. I’m an inside player. He’s 360. I’m 250,” said Scalabrine, the expression on his face hardly changing. “I don’t know, if they had to make that choice that there’s only going be room for one 360-pound center, I feel like they could do both. They could have me and him.”

Don’t sell yourself short, Scal! How are you going to compare yourself to Shaq when we all know you’re really some weird but magical fusion of Larry Bird, Magic Johnson and Carrot Top? Scal, comparing yourself to Shaq is like Bob Ryan comparing himself to Dan Shaughnessy. You’re better than that, Scal.

P.S. – Scal is already hyped about next year. You know, if he’s still around to enjoy it.

“We definitely got older (with the Jermaine O‘Neal signing), but probably our team can kind of do that. Doc (Rivers) is probably the one coach that can coach aging superstars,” Scalabrine said. “If Shaq signs, he’ll fit in well. We’ve got a lot of young guys like Baby (Glen Davis) that can go 40 minutes if those guys need games off or whatever. It’s a different dynamic, but you’ve got to remember teams are built for the playoffs. The kind of players we have will be built for the playoffs.”

The Boston Celtics Dancers had some odd judges for their auditions. (Boston Herald)

Forty Boston Celtics [team stats] Dancers wannabes busted out their moves at the House of Blues during the final round of auditions for next season’s dance squad. On hand to judge the high-kickin’ cuties were Celtics red man Brian Scalabrine, Patriots [team stats] running back Sammy Morris, ‘American Idol’ gal Ayla Brown, New England Revolution soccer stud Taylor Twellman,Comcast SportsNet courtside king Greg Dickerson, comic Kelly MacFarland and Miss Massachusetts 2010 Lacey Wilson.

That’s one hell of an idea. Not only are we going to have athletes and D-list celebrities judge the auditions, but let’s include Scal! He’s got a ton of rhythm! But you guys think I’m joking about it being a good idea. I’m dead serious:

Scal’s definitely going to star in the next Step Up movie. But you aren’t here to read about Scal, let’s be honest. You’re here for a few pictures of the Celtics Dancers. Oh well, I guess I can’t disappoint.

This girl is almost as flexible as I am:

I heard #35 is Scal’s favorite.

Perhaps Zoltan Mesko should take notes:

And last, but definitely hottest, Judge Scal.

(Pictures from the Boston Herald)

Yes! My prayers have been answered! The Celtics are in talks with Brian Scalabrine. (Boston Globe)

Scalabrine said in an e-mail that he is talking with the Celtics about returning next season. A Celtic since 2005, Scalabrine played a significant role in Boston’s 2009 playoff run, but saw limited time last season.

Only one word necessary: Scal.

This is EXACTLY what I was looking for when I prayed to Red Auerbach to speed up Danny Ainge’s free agent doings. Who needs Ronnie Brewer, Josh Howard or Tony Allen when you can get Brian Mother-Fucking Scalabrine?!?

P.S. - Should the Celtics be showing interest in T-Mac? He’s washed up and  everything, we all know, and he could potentially be damaging to team chemistry… but wouldn’t he complement Scal better than Adam Morrison would?

P.P.S. – There hasn’t been any progress on the Nate Robinson front, says Danny Ainge. But who needs him when you can talk to Scal?