I don’t know what to write about. I honestly don’t.

I’m looking at a blank screen and thinking about D.J. White dominating, and I don’t know what the hell to type. I’m thinking about the Celtics getting outscored 30-15 in the fourth quarter, and I’m thinking about when the camera panned to Doc Rivers and he looked like someone attending a funeral. I’m thinking about how Rajon Rondo didn’t have an assist in the entire first half, and about how he has seemed completely bored with basketball the past few weeks. I’m thinking about Dante Cunningham (Dante Cunningham!) hitting a game-winning jumper, and I’m thinking about Ray Allen missing a wide open three that would have won, and I’m thinking about Kevin Garnett’s futile last-second heave, and I’m thinking about how it never should have gotten to that point.

When the Celtics led by 13 points, I was already cursing their effort. That they lost, blowing that entire lead in the fourth quarter, was only appropriate. They deserved to lose. Even playing against a team that started Kwame Brown, Boris Diaw, Dominic McGuire, Gerald Henderson and D.J. Augustin, the Celtics deserved to lose. They didn’t care. They didn’t care to do the small things, like boxing out and sprinting in transition. They didn’t care to do the big things, like defending or playing offense. There’s something seriously missing in Boston right now, something that’s quickly knocking them out of contention for the East’s top seed, something that has even put them in danger of losing home-court advantage against the Miami Heat. What’s missing, exactly? I don’t know. But whatever it is, it has the Celtics playing like zombies.

I don’t want to overreact to one game, but it hasn’t just been one game. It’s a growing pattern which is manifesting itself just like it manifested itself last year, back when Kendrick Perkins admitted the Celtics were bored with the regular season. Maybe they’re bored now. Maybe they’re more hobbled by injuries than we know. Maybe they miss Perkins, or gave up trying for Lent, or have been watching too much NCAA basketball to concentrate on their own play, or really hated the movie “The Adjustment Bureau” and are trying to boycott it by showing they can lose on their own free will.

I don’t know. I have no idea what’s bothering the Celtics, and that’s what’s most troublesome. I can point to Rondo and blame him, but the problems go far beyond Rondo’s oddly disinterested play. I can point to the Kendrick Perkins trade, but that was actually supposed to improve the offense, not make everything a bloody mess. Plus, the trade shouldn’t make the Fab Four so much less productive. Maybe there’s something to the “loss of Ubuntu” theory; in other words, maybe the loss of Perkins hurt chemistry in ways John Hollinger’s formulas could never account for. But I thought—I think—the Big Three are too professional for that, too driven by winning. Aren’t they? Additionally, these losses remind of last year, when Perk was around and healthy. So maybe it’s something else. Or maybe not. As you can probably tell by my rambled thoughts in this paragraph, I’m confused.

The sky isn’t falling. The playoffs will come, and Boston’s energy will improve, and the Celtics will still (rightfully) be considered contenders for the NBA championship, and no team will want to play the Celtics in the postseason, no matter how many times they lose to sub-.500 teams during this slump. But these losses are frustrating, and they should piss us off as fans, and I can only hope they infuriate the Celtics as much as they infuriate me.

At one point, almost despite themselves, and I’ve already mentioned this but it bears repeating, the Celtics led by 13 points. The lead should have been about somewhere between 30 and 40 points at that point, but it wasn’t. They just didn’t seem to care enough to build a big lead, no matter how badly the Bobcats, a 28-42 team missing two of its best players, sucked. The game shouldn’t have come down to the final twelve minutes, and it shouldn’t have come down to the final two three-pointers.

But it did. Eleven games until the playoffs. The proverbial switch remains off.

Shaun Livingston?

Eduardo Najera hit a clutch three-pointer. Nazr Mohammed drilled a clutch free throw (okay, he missed one too). Gerald Henderson and Shaun Livingston supplied most of Charlotte’s scoring. Paul Pierce missed a point blank layup that would have kept the Celtics alive. Kwame Brown looked halfway useful. And the Charlotte Bobcats, despite missing the ejected Stephen Jackson for the entire second half of tonight’s game, handed the Boston Celtics their 13th loss. Tonight’s contest was, simply put, strange.

The Celtics are now 5-7 on the second night of back-to-backs, which, well, sucks. At one point in the game, and this anecdote is probably related to Boston’s “second night of back-to-backs” record, Gerald Henderson dribbled outside to the perimeter. I’m not quite sure where Henderson’s defender was, but Kevin Garnett stood in the vicinity watching Henderson dribble. Keep in mind, this was Kevin Garnett, he of boundless energy and effort bordering on insanity — but Garnett just watched. Henderson turned toward the hoop, looked at the ten feet between him and the closest Celtic (who wasn’t even attempting to close out), and calmly drained a jump shot. And Garnett — one of the league’s hardest workers, for God’s sake! — just watched and twiddled his thumbs.

When I saw that, I figured Boston would lose. I just didn’t know how it would go down. I definitely didn’t think I’d see a back-breaking three off Eduardo Najera’s fingertips. Or Gerald Henderson reliving his Duke days. Or Shaun Livingston regaining his potential-filled youth. If you asked me if all those things would happen tonight, I would have told you that you had a better chance of finding Osama Bin Laden.

Ray Allen didn’t break the NBA’s three-point record, but did make both of his long-distance attempts while scoring 25 efficient points. Rajon Rondo didn’t break the NBA’s three-point record — and, if I were a betting man, I’d wager my future house that he never would — but did score 10 first-quarter points to go along with his game total 14 assists. And, also, zero points after the first period. Kevin Garnett pulled in 14 rebounds, but the Celtics got their asses handed to them on the glass (50-37).

Charlotte’s bench scored 44 points. Boston’s scored 15. And it’s not like Charlotte’s second unit is star-studded, either. If I played fantasy basketball, I wouldn’t exactly be hyped to land Mohammed, Livingston, Najera or Henderson in my draft. Paul Silas’ second unit was hooping, and he showed confidence in them by letting most of them play down the stretch run. They all rewarded that confidence, collectively holding Boston at arm’s length.

I’m not sure we can learn very much from tonight’s game, but it’s a disappointment. With every loss, Boston falls closer to losing their perch as the Eastern Conference’s top team. It’s tough to find energy on the second night of a back-to-back, especially on the road, especially after flying from Boston to Charlotte. But the C’s need these wins, and would be better served in the future if they would just take care of business no matter the circumstances.

Oh, yeah. And Kwame Brown decided to act tough. Also, just for shits and giggles, re-read the first sentence of this post.

The Magician.

Rajon Rondo lulled D.J. Augustin to sleep with a slow dribble, and you could sense a puppeteer-puppet relationship brewing – Augustin was at Rondo’s mercy, on a string.

Glen Davis set a screen to Rondo’s right, but the All-Star point guard rejected the screen in favor of a crispy crossover in the other direction. He bounced by Augustin, who tried valiantly but had no choice against Boston’s creative leader. Rondo drove left, with Augustin on his hip – behind Rondo only by a few inches, but for all intents and purposes out of the play. A big man helped out to stop the penetration, and Rondo pulled out an old act that has yet to grow tiresome. He hooked a fake pass behind his back, and the big man bit the wrong way, and by the time Rondo flung an underhanded pass to Shaquille O’Neal, the C’s center was wide open for an easy lay-in.

On this night, Rondo was in control. He was in control from the opening tip, and he would maintain control the entire game. He led the Celtics to victory on a night the bench didn’t exactly show up, on a night when Kevin Garnett remained absent from the court, on a night when the “Marquis Daniels-Glen Davis” frontcourt was born. On nights like these, you wonder whether Rondo’s the league’s best point guard. Hell, he even hit a clutch fourth-quarter three-pointer.

On nights like these, you also wonder what Shaq ate. Because he was fantastic, in a way he hasn’t been in months. He was active, and soared (okay, jumped) for alley-oops, and took advantage of post opportunities, and even grabbed a handful of rebounds. On one play, Rondo lost D.J. Augustin in the corner, and Shaq was the closest Celtic. Normally, Augustin would shoot a wide open three-pointer while Shaq looked on curiously from ten feet away. But not tonight. Not after Shaq ate Wheaties, or drank five-hour energy, or did whatever he did to get himself ready for tonight’s game. Shaq hounded Augustin (by “hounded,” I mean ran out to Augustin and tried his hardest to stay in front of him) and forced him into a pass.

Of course, there were downsides to Shaq’s night. He threw a couple bad turnovers, and played altogether way too many minutes for a 38-year old geyser. But when you see The Big Diesel play his best game in a month or two, you tend to forget his minor inadequacies.

Now I move on to zero. Zero, you ask? That’s a significant number today, and not just because it’s the amount of common sense I have, nor because it’s now the height of my vertical leap. The Celtics’ bench scored zero points in the entire first half of tonight’s game. I realize the C’s bench wasn’t ever supposed to become so thin; I realize this. But the bench combined for 34 first-half minutes, and scored zero points. In other words, the C’s bench scored as many first-half points as I did. Or my dogs did. Or my grandparents did. Or the fat guy with dragon breath sitting behind me at the game did.

Memo to Perk, D-West and Jermaine O’Neal: the Celtics could use your returns. Memo to Nate Robinson, Marquis Daniels, Von Wafer, Semih Erden, Luke Harangody: You guys missed a pretty good first half.

When the bench finally decided to join the starting five at the TD Garden, the third quarter had begun and the Celtics were on their way to a nice win.

And yes, I’ve gotten all this way without mentioning Paul Pierce’s efficiency or Ray Allen’s deadly shooting once (or even Kwame Brown). On this night, they were overshadowed.

This picture perfectly sums up the entire night.

It must get pretty windy in the Time Warner Cable Arena.

That’s the only explanation for tonight’s first half, which — rumor has it — made Michael Jordan, sitting courtside, puke. The weather conditions improved slightly in the second half, but only on the Celtics’ side of the court. The Bobcats kept trying to shoot into the tooth of an invisible hurricane, and it didn’t work out well. As it ended, the Celtics had their worst shooting night of the season… and still won by 31 points, 93-62.

In the fourth quarter, Glen Davis took a three-pointer with plenty of time left on the shot clock. That’s really all you need to know about the game, but of course I’m ready to tell you more.

I can’t properly describe how excited I was while watching the fourth quarter. The Celtics had no reason to really try. They were already ahead by 20 or so points, and the garbage-time crew was in the game. They could have turned off the jets and coasted in with an easy victory. But rather than rest on their laurels, the C’s kept right on working.

It all started with Avery Bradley, who added Shaun Livinsgton to the list of players he’s put in a phone booth, but it continued with everybody else. Marquis Daniels was flying around the court deflecting passes. Semih Erden was flying high for alley oops. Von Wafer was dishing passes that would make Rajon Rondo envious. The effort had me standing up in my basement and cheering until the final buzzer, even in a 31-point blowout.

Defense was what won tonight’s game, but I’m still not sure if the C’s played terrific defense. The Bobcats were just THAT bad. I see a lot of basketball minds (including Stephen Jackson) opining that D.J. Augustin is the problem, and he certainly didn’t help matters tonight (0 points, 0-8 shooting). But the Bobcats have a four-person big man rotation that includes SuperFat Boris Diaw, Kwame Brown, Nazr Mohammed, and Eduardo Najera. How a team is supposed to win with a frontcourt like that, I could never tell you. Red Auerbach could come back to life, coach the Bobcats, and piece together his best coaching job ever… and I STILL doubt that team would win 35 games.

Back to the Celtics, you guys probably thought Paul Pierce was awful tonight. He shot 1-9! He only scored 8 points! He hasn’t made a three-pointer since December 1st! (He’s 0-16 in that span.) But Pierce didn’t play badly tonight; he showed just how much he has matured. If he ever played that poorly offensively in his youth, Pierce would have packed it in and played zero defense. His whole game would have been affected. But not tonight. Instead, he made his presence felt in other ways. He blocked three shots. He broke up two-on-one fast breaks like it was the easiest thing in the world. He harassed Gerald Wallace into 2-15 shooting. So you say Paul Pierce played poorly tonight. I’ll just say those shots will fall soon, and I’m happy he’s on my side.

Kevin Garnett had another ho-hum double double (and unretired his “talk shit and clap in a perimeter player’s face” routine while D’ing up Stephen Jackson); Rajon Rondo finally got some rest; Kwame Brown’s still as hopeless as ever; Glen Davis continues to do his part every single night; Nate Robinson has no conscience (as if we didn’t already know that),Luke Harangody actually played in the first half (two unexciting minutes); Nazr Mohammed is quite obviously in a contract year; and Semih Erden had the most promising night of his rookie season to date (as well as a monster alley-oop dunk).

The Celtics have now won ten straight games. Recently, they’re doing it without their top three centers, and their best off-the-bench guard. That’s probably part of the reason Michael Jordan could be seen sitting courtside, shaking his head.

His Airness: if you ever wanted to suit up, the Bobcats could use you. I KNOW you’d still be better than Matt Carroll.

If there was one thing I wouldn’t want a teammate to say about me, it would be that I have no fight. I’d rather have a teammate say I was the least-skilled player ever, or as ugly as Tyrone Hill, or that I had a jump shot not even Ben Wallace would want. Okay, maybe I’d rather have no fight than be as ugly as Tyrone Hill, but still: One of the worst things a teammate could possibly say about you is that you have no fight.

I now forward you to Charlotte, where that insult is precisely the one Gerald Wallace just hurled at D.J. Augustin, while comparing Augustin to former Bobcat Raymond Felton. (Hang on, folks. I will tie the Celtics into this in time.) Read more »

Back in the day, my 2nd-grade teacher used to ask me what kind of learner I was. “Do you learn by seeing and hearing, or by doing?” she asked me every day. She must have asked me a million times, but my response was always the same: “Is it time for recess yet?”

I think we finally decided that I learned by doing (even though I never could figure out how to color within the lines), but it’s clear that the Charlotte Bobcats’ Derrick Brown is a visual learner. I’ll now describe the steps to visual learning.

1. Watch somebody else’s actions

2. Sort out the good and the bad

After a visual learner watches someone else’s actions, he does two things. First, he adopts whatever the person he observed did well. In this case, Brown liked Henderson’s decision-making. If Joel Anthony is trailing you on a fast break, Brown figured, you might as well try to dunk the basketball.

Next, a visual learner must discard whatever the person he observed did poorly. In this case, Brown saw Henderson get his shot tossed against the backboard. If Joel Anthony is trailing you on a fast break, Brown realized, be sure not to get humiliated by the NBA’s worst starting center.

And then Brown thought to himself, Wow, Anthony’s even worse than Darko.

3. Use what you’ve learned

Finally, we get to see the fruits of Brown’s learning. Dunk you very much.