I had to put a wager on tonight’s Celtics-Nets game with my friend. I just had to.

Otherwise, it might have been brutally boring to watch. Frankly, I’m sure it will still be boring to watch.

I can already tell you right now, there are two ways the game could go. Either 1) Boston plays well and blows the Nets out like they did last time, or 2) Boston plays indifferently, allowing New Jersey to hang around for far longer than Doc Rivers would enjoy. No matter what happens, the game probably won’t be very scintillating. Either a blowout, or a slopfest. Yuck.

Thus, my bet. If I’m going to watch a bad game of basketball, I might as well have a friendly wager on it. If Boston’s winning by a lot, I’ll be happy; my bet will be won. If they’re mired in a game too close to call and too ugly to watch, I’ll be pissed at the Green Team for doing their best to screw me out of some money, and all wired up to see whether I win. Either way, watching the game will be less excruciating with some money on the line.

Still, let’s just say I’m not as excited for tonight’s game as I am for Sunday’s rematch with Orlando. Sorry, but watching a 4-44 team halfheartedly pretend to try to win isn’t my idea of a perfect Friday night. I’d rather complete my emasculation — which began when I knowingly looked at Greg Oden’s nude pictures — by attending the premier of Dear John.

Okay, maybe Dear John is pushing it. The second coming of The Notebook doesn’t exactly sound like my cup of tea. But watching Kris Humphries and Jarvis Hayes play a combined 50 minutes doesn’t exactly suit me either. Neither does Devin Harris mailing in yet another game. Or seeing Chris Quinn on an NBA court.

You want to know just how bad it’s gotten for New Jersey? Assistant coach Del Harris packed up his bags and left. Quit. During the middle of a season. Yahoo! Sports “claims” he left because he was told he wouldn’t be considered for the head coaching job this offseason, but I know the real reason…

You couldn’t pay Harris enough to continue watching the Nets play basketball from the front row.

Unlike Harris, I can be paid enough to watch New Jersey. If everything goes according to plan, the Celtics will win tonight and I’ll rake in 20 bucks.

If the plan goes awry? I will be down 100 banjos, and the Celts will have the most embarrassing loss of the season.

Can you believe my friend was dumb enough to take the Nets with 5-1 odds?