First Tom Thibodeau, then Lawrence Frank. For the past four seasons, the Celtics defense has been under the control of pedigreed, respected basketball minds. But with both Thibs and Frank accepting head coaching positions elsewhere, the Celtics defense will turn to a more unknown commodity next season. At a charity golf tournament this morning, Doc Rivers admitted that Mike Longabardi will become the team’s de facto defensive coordinator.

Longabardi has worked on Rivers’s coaching staff for the past three seasons, but a promotion this summer means he will become an NBA bench coach next season for the first time ever. The promoted coach previously worked behind the scenes in Boston and, for four years before that, in Houston. But now he will take the reins of one of the NBA’s top units, a defensive crew that carried an average Celtics offense last season.

Longabardi will need to fill big shoes, and he will need to do so despite the expected, continued decline (however slight or sudden) of Boston’s Big Three. Especially if Kevin Garnett slows down another step or two, Longabardi’s job will become significantly more difficult. After learning underneath Thibodeau and Frank, Longabardi should be well-schooled in defensive technique and well-prepared to run the defense himself. But taking orders from two of the NBA’s finest defensive minds is one thing. Giving the orders yourself is quite another.

There was some discussion that Boston’s defensive would be led by a “defensive coordinator-by-committee” next season, but Rivers instead decided to appoint Longabardi in charge. Just a few years ago, Longabardi was a video coordinator in Houston. Now, he will be barking orders at Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen. If he’s anything like Thibodeau and Frank, Longabardi will have plenty of voice-less nights following close games.

Remember, Larry Brown was reportedly interested in an assistant coaching position with Boston. By promoting Longabardi rather than pursuing Brown, the Celtics offered a vote of confidence to the Frostburg State University graduate. And no, I didn’t know that school existed either. In case you were wondering, other notable alumni include a bunch of people I’ve never heard of, and Jim Riggleman, the Washington Nationals manager who resigned after winning 11 of 12 games because the team refused to discuss a contract extension.

The Celtics have heaped a lot of responsibility on Longabardi, a young assistant whose resume pales in comparison to Thibodeau’s or Frank’s. I admittedly know nothing about Longabardi’s coaching habits or skills, but I hope he’s ready for the big time.

X’s and O’s matter. If Joe Hockey Player was hired to coach an NBA team, he would inevitably struggle, not knowing how to teach help side defense, not understanding the concept of a pindown screen, not wise enough to utilize his five players in a scheme that suits them.

Personality matters too. Think about John Kuester, known as an offensive genius for much of his professional career. Kuester’s first head coaching gig ended underneath a pile of dog crap — his players staged a mutiny in the middle of the season, Richard Hamilton was suspended (more or less) for no known reason, and the Pistons went 57-107 in Kuester’s two seasons. Sure, the record was at least partially due to lacking talent, but Kuester’s abrasive style and unbelievable lack of communication (he reportedly refused to tell Hamilton why he was not playing) managed to alienate an entire locker room in less than two full seasons. When his own team did not want to play for him, Kuester’s X’s and O’s, lauded for years, meant nothing.

Doc Rivers knows his X’s and O’s — Sebastian Pruiti, who watches more game tape than any human being not formally associated with the NBA, selected Rivers as the one coach he would want to draw up a last-second play.

But Dave Cowens believes Doc’s personality is his strongest suit. (ESPN Boston)

“Doc’s a great guy, and he’s smart. He’s a tough guy. When he talks, [the players] listen. They know he’s telling them the truth, and really, players respect that. They respect a guy that’s got the knowledge and he tells them the truth. Because they know a lot about the game, too. They’re not just learning it. They’ve been through five-, six-, seven-hundred games as a pro, as a college player, [and] high school player. So they’ve been around a lot of locker room talks and chalk talks and things like that. So, they understand. And he has a good way with the players, and I think the veterans really respect him, and they’ve got some strong character veterans and that just feeds down to the other guys that play on the team.”

Rivers certainly has faults. He rarely (if ever) trusts rookies, chokes the confidence out of certain bench players (Nate Robinson comes to mind as a prime example), and damn it, I often wish he could teach his squad how to rebound and provide a more consistent effort. But the players know Doc will be straight up with them. Even the ones who dislike Doc have to respect that.

I feel like Morgan, the little sister from Boy Meets World, right now. I’ve been in time out for three years and I’m finally making a return to the show — er, a return to writing.

In actuality, I haven’t been in time out. I haven’t been having recurring nightmares about a drunken, belligerent Kendrick Perkins either. My grandfather Pop Pop passed away from a cancerous tumor, and spending time with my family vaulted over everything else on my list of priorities — my golf swing is now in shambles, I haven’t updated my website in a week, my jump shot is rusty, and, no, I wouldn’t change any of that because experiencing the love my family emanated this week changed my life.

Pop Pop’s in a better place now, a place where he can finally play golf again, a place where his face does not have a tumor, a place where he can reunite with his parents, both of whom died before he was three years old, a place where he can walk without a walker, go to the bathroom without a diaper, sleep without pain, . I assume he’s playing 18 holes now, and when he’s done he’ll wait in the clubhouse for my grandmother Kicki and the rest of us to meet him for dinner.

In the meantime, I’m back to business as usual. That means discussing the major developments that happened during my intermission:

1. Kendrick Perkins arrested for public intoxication and disorderly conduct

Thinks of Perkins searching for a fight with regulation-sized human beings.

Shivers in fear.

Remembers how many times he’s seen drunken people trying to fight.

Gives Perk the benefit of the doubt . . . this time.

2. Kendrick Perkins claims he is innocent and suffered injuries from the fight

Perk suffered injuries in a bar fight? That can’t be great for his street cred.

3. Kendrick Perkins considering filing a police brutality complaint over incident

Whoa. Now this Perkins story is getting a bit crazy. One second I envision Perkins stomping around a bar looking like Godzilla scavenging for young civilians. The next, Perkins claims injury, denies the police version of the incident, and is considering a suit against the fuzz. Ladies and gentleman, your 2011 news cycle. Also, for whatever it’s worth, as much as Perkins scowls on the court, he’s just about the last person I would expect to get into a bar fight.

4. Kendrick Perkins is no longer a Boston Celtic

Yet I keep talking about him. Ugh. Note to self: it’s time to let Perk go.

5. Ray Allen says a cancelled season will not doom the Celtics

Yeah, a core of Rajon Rondo, 37-year old Ray Allen, 36-year old Kevin Garnett and 35-year old Paul Pierce would definitely return as contenders in 2012-’13. And Lindsey Lohan is a perfect role model for your children.

6. Rondo’s elbow feeling good

Rondo participated in a Kentucky exhibition game and reportedly looked good.

6. Doc Rivers might be searching for a defensive coordinator

The NBA lockout needs to end, mostly because this is what constitutes a rumor right now. I never would have guessed how much I miss free agency rumors that don’t involve foreign countries. I would even kill for a “Celtics work out Adam Morrison and Kwame Brown” headline right now.

Glen Davis goes back and forth more than a tennis ball. He flip-flops more than Tevas. So when he says re-signing with the Celtics is his number one priority in free agency, I take it with a grain of salt. (Boston Globe)

His words were tamer than they were in May, when it appeared Davis had grown tired of coach Doc Rivers’s treatment.

P.S. — Davis said he’s interested in signing overseas.

Hoping to find Von Wafer a basketball home for the coming season, Wafer’s agent made “insistent” overtures to the Spanish team Real Madrid. (via WEEI)

Instead, the team signed Jaycee Carroll, who starred alongside Luke Harangody for the Celtics summer league entry last year, and Martynas Pocius, who I despised when he played for my beloved Duke Blue Devils.

Wafer did not find a suitor in Real Madrid, but he is obviously looking to find an overseas home. Earlier today, FIBA ruled to allow any NBA players to play overseas until the lockout ends. Because of Wafer’s status as a free agent, he would have been able to seek overseas employment regardless of FIBA’s ruling.

The last time Wafer played overseas, his 2009 tenure on the Greek team Olympiakos ended in a sea of flames. The team waived Wafer midseason and head coach Panagiotis Giannakis did not send any praise Wafer’s way.

“He had a playing philosophy that didn’t allow him to make the adjustments needed,” the coach said. “If somebody is not eager to try to change himself, then it is better for him and the club to part ways.”

Theoretically, Wafer might have learned how to become a professional under the tutelage of Doc Rivers and Boston’s veterans. Then again, maybe not.

Even if Wafer decides not to travel overseas for next season, the Celtics might remain uninterested when the lockout ceases. Though Wafer improved in bits and pieces last season, he never quite found the map leading him to Boston’s rotation. If he does leave, I doubt I will shed a tear.

As A. Sherrod Blakely writes on CSNNE, a season-erasing lockout could improve Boston’s chances of acquiring Dwight Howard.

Blakely’s reasoning is simple: if the lockout is lifted, Orlando could very well trade Howard. He does not seem intent on staying in Orlando, so the Magic’s best bet could be to trade him to the highest bidder before Howard departs for nothing in free agency. If the Magic do trade Howard, the Celtics, with limited assets, almost definitely could not make the highest bid.

On the other hand, if the lockout does wipe out the entire season, Howard could opt out of his contract and become a free agent. Then, Boston’s lack of trade assets would not matter and the cap space they have built would.

Of course, the Celtics would love to acquire Howard. Any team with a GM (not even any team with a competent GM; just any team that has a GM) would love to add the NBA’s best center. The problem is that Boston adding him, while not completely impossible, seems entirely far-fetched.

Reason #1:

When’s the last time the Celtics signed a superstar free agent in his prime?

(Waits for answer.)

(Still waiting.)

(No, Rasheed Wallace doesn’t count.)

(No, Shaq’s decomposed body doesn’t count.)

(No, Patrick O’Bryant doesn’t count.)

Do you give up? That’s because the answer is never. The Celtics traded for Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, drafted Paul Pierce and Rajon Rondo. They drafted Bill Russell, Bob Cousy, John Havlicek, Dave Cowens, Larry Bird, Bill Walton and even Danny Ainge. They traded for Kevin McHale, Robert Parish, and even Dennis Johnson.

Players have consistently spurned Boston in free agency for at least two reasons:

1) The city has a reputation for racism dating back to the Russell era (and beyond). As much as Russell did for the Boston Celtics—I would never say a bad word about his contributions to the franchise—his comment calling Boston a “flea market of racism” stuck. He was the NBA’s best winner, yet a group of Boston morons had broken into his house, left racist graffiti on his walls, vandalized his trophies and poo’ed on his beds. The city deserved Russell’s harsh criticism. But his words certainly did nothing to improve Boston’s odds of signing a premier free agent.

A “flea market of racism” reputation doesn’t go away easily, although Kevin Garnett might have finally changed it. Garnett, at least according to reports, initially did not want a trade to Boston. He worried about the city’s attitude. He wondered whether the city was still a cesspool of bigotry. But Paul Pierce and Doc Rivers convinced Garnett to give Boston a chance. The city has changed, they said. And it has embraced Garnett with open arms, just like James Posey did so many times.

With Doc Rivers signed for the next five years and the local reputation changing, the Celtics could become a more desirable location for black players. But still, the next superstar free agent the Celtics sign will be the first.

2) Boston is cold, and it isn’t New York. Players will always want to play in New York City. The media spotlight shines brighter there than anywhere else. It’s the biggest market in the country, “the Mecca of basketball,” yada yada yada. Players can bear the snow when it comes alongside endorsement deals, fan support, basketball history (not so much professional basketball history, but still) and more attention than players could receive anywhere else.

Boston’s a big market, too, but it isn’t New York. And given the choice between living in South Beach or Southie, the white sand, mid-90s weather and zany nightlife sound pretty good.

Reason #2:

Yes, the Celtics could have miles of cap space for next season. Yes, Rajon Rondo will wear Green and White for the foreseeable future. But the Celtics’ future is murky.

Consider this: the Celtics have two players signed for the 2012-13 season. Just two. One is Rondo, who is an All-Star but probably not the type of free agent drawing card Chris Paul should be. Why not? There are serious questions about Rondo’s game. He can’t shoot. He disappears occasionally during the regular season, if not the playoffs. He battled nagging injuries, including plantar fasciitis, all last season; the injuries (and maybe a laissez-faire attitude toward the regular season) derailed what had been a Stockton-iffic start and left Rondo average for the final quarter (at least) of the regular season. Playing alongside Rondo would presumably be oodles of fun. But teaming with him is not necessarily a free ride to the NBA Finals.

The other player Boston has under contract for 2012-13, Paul Pierce, will turn 35 before playing a single game that season. If a free agent (such as Howard) is looking to build a Super-team, the Celtics won’t be his best bet—especially considering he could move to New York, play in the Mecca of Basketball, and call both Amare Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony his teammates. Or he could move to Los Angeles and take over Hollywood. Or he could move to wherever Chris Paul lands and immediately field a better roster than Boston’s, even if the supporting cast couldn’t throw the basketball into an ocean.

Let’s say Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen decide to return to Boston for significantly smaller contracts. Even then, joining the Celtics would not guarantee competing for a title. Garnett will be 36 years old by then and Allen will be 37. If they’re still good players, they certainly won’t be All-Stars.

Don’t misunderstand me—Boston has its draws. Any superstar would love to play for Rivers. The franchise (mostly) knows what it’s doing, and is committed to winning. Rondo can make basketball easy for his teammates. The owners are willing to spend cash. The franchise is the greatest in NBA history. The city loves sports. But there are reasons free agents have never picked Boston, and those reasons will not evade Dwight Howard.

The Celtics would be idiotic not to try adding Howard. Hell, I assume all thirty teams will submit trade proposals for Howard if he ever hits the trade market. But I wouldn’t count on Howard signing in Boston, even if the Celtics preserve all their cap space, even if this season ends with a lockout and Howard chooses to become a free agent. Call me a pessimist or call me a realist. I would vote the latter.

Nonetheless, I’m keeping my fingers crossed, holding my rosary beads and saying all my prayers. And I’m not even moderately religious.