(Shelden Williams, get crammed on.)

I watch preseason NBA games for many reasons, none having to do with the quality of play: I love seeing the Stephane Lasmes of the world earn their headlines; watching preseason is more fun than NOT watching basketball; I’m entirely addicted to the NBA (I have a problem); it’s interesting to see how offseason additions fit; and I love getting a look at the new rookies.

That last point might be the reason I most enjoy the NBA preseason. I dare you to watch this 40-second clip of John Wall and not be enthralled. I dare you. It’s not going to happen. Talents like Wall enter the NBA and make you think, “What’s possible?” With established players, you know what their ceiling is, or you at least have an idea. But with rookies? Until we find out otherwise, the rafters are the limit. Wall could become the NBA’s best point guard within three years, Blake Griffin could become an electric mix of something in between Amare Stoudemire, Carlos Boozer and Dwight Howard, and Derrick Favors or DeMarcus Cousins could be the next great low-post threat. Before those guys play a single game, nothing’s out of play.

Even less-heralded rookies inspire the imagination. Can Avery Bradley become the C’s next defensive stopper? Does Luke Harangody have what it takes to be Danny Ainge’s latest diamond in the rough? Could Semih Erden potentially displace one of the O’Neals in the lineup? Even with the picks who have less upside, the preseason is a time for hope. I can remember last preseason, reading about Lester Hudson: He averaged 27.5 pppg in college! He has a 6’9″ wingspan! He’s got 3.4% body fat! This kid could be a keeper! Alas, Hudson was cut midway through the season after hardly making any impact on the Celtics. But before the season, there’s always hope.

With that in mind, I handicap the Rookie of the Year race. Read more »

The season is approaching (but not quickly enough), so that means it’s NBA preview time. Starting with the league’s worst team and working our way to the top, we’ll preview one team per day.

I understand your pain, Iggy.

Philadelphia 76ers

Last year’s record: 27-55
Head Coach: Doug Collins
Projected Starters: Jrue Holiday, Lou Williams, Andre Iguodala, Elton Brand, Spencer Hawes

Outlook:

The 76ers’ best player is a third- or fourth-banana on a title contender. Their best big man is well past his prime and may steal Greg “The Fossilman” Raymer’s nickname if his play continues to deteriorate. Their top draft pick, Evan Turner, the number two pick in the entire draft, looked like he didn’t even belong during summer league. And their best center is like the feel of Hawaiian sand underneath your toes: incredibly soft. Add to that an utter lack of perimeter shooting or a true point guard, and Doug Collins should be considered a god if he can coax 35 wins out of this group.

X-Factor:

I thought last year would be Thaddeus Young’s breakout year. Only 20 years old in 2008-09, Young averaged 15 points and 5 rebounds, looking like a young star in the process. And then, just when I expected another leap… he regressed? Still just 22, Young hasn’t lost any of his star potential. There’s no reason why he should have already plateaued. Then again, there’s also no reason why I should still be waiting for his breakout year.

Biggest Question Mark:

The frontcourt. But I’m not so sure it’s a question mark. It’s more like a frowny face emoticon. Because a frontcourt of Elton Brand, Spencer Hawes, Mareese Speights and Tony Battie couldn’t hold their own in my summer league, never mind the NBA. Speights, though, could evolve into a beast at some point.

Most important newcomer:

Evan Turner. Look, I try not to put much stock into summer league. I really do. But shouldn’t a number two pick play well against other rookies and vagabonds, even if he’s out of shape, even if he hadn’t played five-on-five basketball in awhile, even if he wasn’t really trying? Matt Janning and Jeremy Lin were both more impressive than Turner this summer. No matter how little you trust summer league statistics, that’s unsettling. Before the summer, I expected that Turner would have a Brandon Roy-like career. Now, I wonder.

Key loss:

I never thought I’d say this, but the Sixers will really miss Samuel Dalembert. It’s not that his contributions were irreplaceable. They weren’t. It’s just that the duo of Spencer Hawes and Tony Battie can’t replace them. Philadelphia will especially miss Dalembert’s 1.8 blocks in only 25.9 minutes per game. By the way, folks? Any time a team will really miss Samuel Dalembert, its frontcourt inevitably invokes visions of a bodily function people normally flush down the toilet.

Most compelling storyline:

I want to see if Doug Collins still has it. I realize his players will most likely want to choke him out within three years, but Collins knows how to inspire young players and demand the best out of them. For an NBA team looking to rebuild, Collins fits perfectly. As a player, Collins told NBC Sports, “I know I gave everything to Philadelphia, including both my hips and my left knee.” As a coach, if Collins succeeds in his rebuilding project, he’ll have to be just as dedicated.

Player to watch:

Andre Iguodala. Anyone who watched Iguodala play in the World Championships knows he has been poorly casted in Philly. Iggy wasn’t put on this earth to be a premier scoring threat. He was meant to stop people, to lock opponent’s down, to score points without plays being run for him. When Iggy was in Turkey, I watched him put shackles on every player he defended. He was incredible. But defensive aptitude isn’t what most impresses me about ”the other AI.” So what is? He’s in a shitty situation in Philadelphia, on a team with no hopes that doesn’t — or can’t — utilize him correctly, yet Iggy punches in every night and never complains. I’m telling you, the man deserves better. But you’ll never hear that from him.

Descriptive movie quote:

“You take a look at her. Cause once you step on that bus you aint got your mama no more. You got your brothers on the team and you got your daddy. You know who your daddy is, doncha? Gary, if you want to play on this football team, you answer me when I ask you who is your daddy? Who’s your daddy, Gary? Who’s your daddy?” – Coach Boone, Remember the Titans

Philadelphia 76ers, Doug Collins is your daddy. Do everything he asks and you might have a fighter’s chance of being halfway decent. (*Looking back at roster, sees Spencer Hawes penciled in as starting center.*) Then again, maybe not.

Projected Record: 25-57. At some point in the next few years, I would love to see Andre Iguodala help out a contender. But it probably won’t happen in Philadelphia.

(This Gaffney dunk was one of the few plays during the game that kept me from dozing off.)

I knew I was in for a bad night when I heard Rick Kamla’s voice.

Almost immediately, Kamla started salivating about Jrue Holiday’s swagger like Holiday was Michael Jordan or someone. A couple minutes later, Kamla tried to convince me you could tell Evan Turner was smooth just by listening to him speak. Kamla’s convincing speech might have worked… had I never heard Turner’s voice, which actually sounds like a 13-year old who just inhaled helium. Oh, Rick Kamla. Oh, NBA Summer League.

Oh, the ugliest first half I’ve ever seen. Would you believe me if I told you the Celtics were ahead 15-3 after about five minutes, then down 39-33 at half-time? Would you believe me if I told you the C’s shot less than 30% in the first half? Of course you would! It was the NBA summer league! Those aren’t All-Stars out there, after all. And they certainly didn’t play like they were, either – the game was was uglier than Tyrone Hill.

Here are my notes of the game I wish I hadn’t watched:

- It was the Tony Gaffney show early. First, he cut to the hoop for a bucket. Then he got fouled and hit the two free throws. He blocked a shot, drew a couples charges from Evan Turner, snagged five boards and hit a jumper from the corner. This wasn’t the same Tony Gaffney I saw yesterday, that’s for damn sure. And, oh yeah, he also had a vicious dunk after running the wing on a fast break. Kamla had this to say about Gaffney: “He’s like a spider out there. He’s very long, and he kind of multiplies out there on the court.” I wasn’t aware that spiders multiplied, Rick.

- Gaffney also did a great job defending Evan Turner. I can see the Human Spider becoming a solid role player down the line if he does one thing: Learn to hit the corner jumper. Think Bruce Bowen. There are a lot of guys who can D up, but the ones who succeed in the league can do at least one thing right offensively. As of now, Gaffney has no offensive game. Give him a reliable jumper, though, and he’d be a very valuable reserve.

- Gaffney also got injured at the end of the game. He told A. Sherrod Blakely it was a twisted left ankle. Gaffney should be okay.

- Luke Harangody doesn’t have runway looks and he doesn’t have a prototypical NBA body. He’s simply a basketball player and a competitor. Whether that translates to the NBA is a question for another day, but I get the feeling Harangody will always be able to produce offensively. He struggled against the length of Trent Plaisted and Mareese Speights at times today (and I suppose struggling against Trent Plaisted’s length is never a greatsign), but still put up 14 points and 12 boards. If Harangody can adjust defensively to guard some of the longer fours, he’ll find a spot in the league.

- I am falling in love with Jaycee Carroll’s game, little by little. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he’ll ever play in the NBA. He’s an unathletic 6’2″ shooting guard, and you won’t find too many of those in the Assocation. But he’s one crafty dude, and he can shoot. Somehow, someway, Jaycee Carroll continues to find space to get his shots off. I’m sorry if this is weird, but I have a small crush on his game.

- Oliver Lafayette was a letdown. I was about to write the excuse, “He was being defended by Jrue Holiday, so it’s excusable that he had a bad game,” then realized,Shit, Jrue Holiday was one of the NBA’s worst point guards last season. Lafayette struggled a little with Philadelphia’s fierce ball pressure, as did his backup Rodney Green. To be fair, even though he wasn’t anywhere close to amazing last season, Holiday is a big, strong, quick defender with all the tools to be a lockdown player in the NBA.

- Today was the first day of the Slava Kravtsov era, and if today was any indication, it will be a short-lived era. Kravtsov is a beast physically, but often seemed to have no idea what in the world he was doing. He did have a nice putback dunk, a block or two and a lefty hook shot in the lane, but Slava didn’t impress on me much.

- Steve Smith’s analysis of Harangody’s jumper: “It hurts watching it, but it goes in.” Yup, that sounds about right. It’s also a really gross “that’s what she said.”

- Kamla and Steve Smith brought up Chris Duhon during the fourth quarter. Kamla tried to say Duhon is one of the top backup PGs in the league. My thoughts? The Magic might as well have burned $15 million in a bonfire. Duhon played 31 minutes per game last season for an offensive mastermind and still put up only the following, miserable numbers: 37.3% FG, 7.4 ppg, 5.6 apg. Coincidentally, those numbers are exactly what John Hollinger projected I would average in 31 minutes in a Mike D’Antoni offense.

- Ryan Wittman only played a few minutes, but hit some tough shots. I’m pretty sure his passion bucket was filled to the brim.

- A day after outplaying Semih Erden and prompting a few C’s fans to ask why he wasn’t starting, Art Parakhouski drew the start. He was then pretty non-existent, scoring 5 points and pulling in only two rebounds. Erden sat out the game with a tweaked back.

- Rodney Green had as many turnovers (four) as he had points, rebounds and assists combined. I think it’s safe to say he isn’t the backup point guard we’ve been looking for.

- What can I say about Ryan Thompson and DeShawn Sims? Umm, a couple of times I actually noticed they were on the court.

- Matt Janning got a DNP-CD, I believe.  And I would bet my life a few spectators mistook him for the water boy. The Northeastern product still hasn’t had much of a chance to strut his stuff.

Box Score

The Celtics play again tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. Let’s hope tomorrow’s game is more enjoyable. Please. I’m begging. And that Rick Kamla isn’t the announcer.