Let me give it to you straight. I wouldn’t want to sugarcoat anything.
Tonight’s matchup with the Sacramento Kings is a game the Boston Celtics should win.
Unless you happen to fear midgetized power forwards who can score, score, and score some more, Tyreke Evans is the only King who strikes any semblance of fear in your heart… and he’ll miss the game due to a concussion.
The Kings also start a 7-footer at center, one with legitimate skill and post touch. The problem is, he’s softer than silly putty and his best highlight so far this year is a pre-game chest bump with his coach. Never a good thing, when aspiring to win basketball games.
But fear not, Kings fans, your team has a talented, 6’7″ guard to pick up the slack. Of course, a physio-ball got the best of him before the season, and he hardly fares better against the NBA than he did against that blasted workout ball.
Don’t worry though, Sacto, the Kings also have a Slovenian point guard averaging 19 points and 11 assists over his last three games. The stuff of legends. You know, if legends were as good at defense as a stick of celery and as overpaid as Antoine Walker’s financial consultant.
Still, everything’s okay in Sacramento. The Kings still have that Jewish guy who participated in the H.O.R.S.E. contest. Of course, he was put to shame by Kevin Durant and Rajon Rondo in that competition and has been even more humbled during his last four games. Over that time, he has scored nine more points in the NBA than his rabbi.
No need to frown though, Sactown. The Kings have a tough, veteran small forward known for his shooting prowess and gritty play. Then again, he’s older than most of his teammates and doesn’t seem to fit into his organization’s plans. Actually, come to think of it, he just asked to be traded.
There is a silver lining, though. The Kings just lost to the Nets during their last game. As Celtics fans, we all know how humiliating that is. But why is such public embarrassment a light at the end of the tunnel?
Because, for the Sacramento Kings, there’s nowhere to go but up.
The game is at 7:30 p.m. EST. Enjoy.