A general rule of thumb for GMs to operate by: Do not sign a seemingly washed-up player who admittedly smokes weed, hates the national anthem, played only 18 games last season following ACL surgery, and shot just 35.8 percent from the field during said games — even if he’s a former NBA All-Star who once played with the versatility of a Swiss Army knife.

But what if that player isn’t entirely washed up? Note: If there’s a puddle of urine in the kitchen, the dog probably peed.

And what if the Boston Celtics have seven roster spots to fill and only a mini mid-level exception to work with?  Sadly, the Celtics will need to take fliers on players who they wouldn’t otherwise target. That’s what happens when you need a lot of groceries from the store but you don’t have any money in your wallet. After a little time flirting with steaks but realizing you can’t afford them, microwavable dinners start to seem a little more appetizing.

For the second straight Sunday, the Boston Globe’s Gary Washburn mentioned Josh Howard as a potential Boston Celtics free agent target. Yesterday, Washburn reported that Howard is interested in the Celtics.

“Boston is a great organization,’’ he said. “I also have a good friend in Marquis Daniels that spent a lot of time up there and who spoke highly of the organization. So that would be one of the teams I would actually look at if I had the opportunity to go there.’’

Trying to talk myself into Howard is like trying to convince myself a new Adam Sandler movie might actually make me laugh.

Yeah, Sandler was terrific in his prime. Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison (and to a lesser extent  Big Daddy, The Waterboy and the Wedding Singer) were hysterical. But there’s also more recent history, like Don’t Mess With the Zohan, 50 First Dates and Grown Ups, movies that all made me want to pour vinegar down my eye sockets so I wouldn’t have to watch anymore.

Of course, Howard was never as good as Sandler in his prime. Sandler was the funniest man alive for a year or two, while Howard was a borderline All-Star. But my point is, we can’t expect Sandler to make Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison anymore. We can’t even expect The Wedding Singer or Big Daddy. We can only hope he’ll make a decent movie like Funny People, which lived up to its title for an hour and a half before falling apart more catastrophically than the 2011 Red Sox.

Howard wouldn’t be a star in Boston. He wouldn’t average 20 points, make another All-Star team or regain the glory days he spent next to Dirk Nowitzki. He won’t be Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison. But there’s a chance he wouldn’t be Don’t Mess With the Zohan or Little Nicky either. With the Celtics cap-strapped and at least five free agents away from a full roster, they might be ecstatic to settle for The Longest Yard — not the best two hours of your life, but if it’s playing on TV while you’re channel surfing, you at least think about watching the whole flick.

The Celtics could be interested in acquiring free agent Josh Howard whenever the NBA lockout ends, according to Gary Washburn. (Boston Globe)

A free agent who could be on the Celtics’ radar is former Wizard and Maverick Josh Howard, who is healthy after tearing an anterior cruciate ligament in February 2010. Howard played in 18 games for the Wizards last season, averaging 8.4 points in 10 starts.

Look, there’s a lot wrong with Josh Howard. He’s washed up. Coming off an ACL tear. Hasn’t had a pulse in three years. Smokes a lot of weed. Despises the national anthem. I know Howard’s flaws. But the reality is, Howard could be a desirable target for the Celtics. Hear me out.

A) He’ll come cheap. The Celtics want to keep as much 2012 salary space as they can. They are already over the cap for 2011-12. Howard will be inexpensive and he won’t command a multi-year contract.

B) He’s talented. As recently as 2007, Howard made the All-Star team. Even in 2009-10, when he was more or less a walking corpse, Howard scored 12.7 points per game. Okay, so it was an empty and inefficient 12.7 points per game, and if Jeff Green had averaged the same numbers, I would verbally choke slam him. Actually, just forget about what Howard did in 2009-10. He’s talented. And he’s only 31 years old (although he plays like he’s in his forties).

C) If Howard is actually healthy, and that’s a big if, he could give the Celtics a much-needed jolt off the bench. The Celtics blew more leads last season than Greg Norman ever did. I hope some of you appreciate a little golf humor.

D) Am I really trying to talk myself into Josh Howard? These are the things that happen when the Celtics are capped out and have only seven players on their roster (eight if you include E’Twaun Moore). Pray for my sanity, guys.

The Boston Celtics have targeted some new potential backup small forwards, according to the Boston Globe. Remember, they need a new small forward so they can match up with the Luol Dengs of the world.

The Celtics are looking for a backup to Paul Pierce and the candidates are Cleveland’s Anthony Parker, who is playing out an expiring contract, New York’s Roger Mason, Washington’s Josh Howard and perhaps Indiana’s Dahntay Jones.

Some intriguing names, indeed. Roger Mason, Jr. hasn’t been relevant in two full years, but he once took the world by storm in San Antonio. Josh Howard hasn’t been relevant in almost two years, but he used to be an All-Star, smokes a lot of marijuana, hates the national anthem and is almost recovered from a torn ACL he endured last season.  And Dahntay Jones — has he ever been relevant? — might be the most intriguing of the three new names. He’s athletic as all hell, thrived in Denver when the Nuggets used him as a defensive stopper, and kind of reminds me of Tony Allen, in a hopefully-not-as-many-headaches type of way.

I’d be happy with any of the four guys on this list (including Parker), even if none of them would be perfect. Or maybe the Celtics could coax Michael Finley out of retirement? I’m kidding, of course, but Finley could give Jermaine O’Neal company on the “physically unable to perform because I’m more washed up than a beached whale” list.

On another note, I’d be shocked if Marquis Daniels returns to play this season. For the third or fourth different time, Doc Rivers said not to expect Daniels any time soon.

“Like I said earlier, I don’t think you should look forward to Marquis coming back any time soon,” he said.

Yes! My prayers have been answered! The Celtics are in talks with Brian Scalabrine. (Boston Globe)

Scalabrine said in an e-mail that he is talking with the Celtics about returning next season. A Celtic since 2005, Scalabrine played a significant role in Boston’s 2009 playoff run, but saw limited time last season.

Only one word necessary: Scal.

This is EXACTLY what I was looking for when I prayed to Red Auerbach to speed up Danny Ainge’s free agent doings. Who needs Ronnie Brewer, Josh Howard or Tony Allen when you can get Brian Mother-Fucking Scalabrine?!?

P.S. - Should the Celtics be showing interest in T-Mac? He’s washed up and  everything, we all know, and he could potentially be damaging to team chemistry… but wouldn’t he complement Scal better than Adam Morrison would?

P.P.S. – There hasn’t been any progress on the Nate Robinson front, says Danny Ainge. But who needs him when you can talk to Scal?

Celtics GM Danny Ainge spoke with the media today.

Danny Ainge spoke to the media today, and had some very interesting things to say about Tony Allen, the free agent market, and the Miami Heat. Read more »