I don’t always take trade rumors at face value. But if you take the latest “Danny Ainge wanted to swap Rajon Rondo and Jeff Green for Kendrick Perkins and Russell Westbrook after the 2011 playoffs” rumor as the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God, faith could be shaken and beliefs could be altered. (ESPN)

ESPN’s Chris Broussard dug up yet another interesting Celtics tidbit for us this evening, one that casts last season’s Kendrick Perkins-for-Jeff Green trade in an entirely new light.

After last season’s playoffs, the Celtics offered Rajon Rondo and Green to Oklahoma City for Russell Westbrook and Perkins, sources told Broussard. The Celtics, looking for another scorer who can create his own offense, thought Westbrook might be available after his erratic postseason play. But Oklahoma was not interested in the deal.

Let’s assume this rumor is true and take a look at the timeline:

1) The Celtics are favorites in the East, if not the entire NBA, and destroying everyone on the schedule.

2) Danny Ainge, at the last minute before the trade deadline, swaps Kendrick Perkins and Nate Robinson for Nenad Krstic and Jeff Green. We later hear the trade was made for financial reasons — the C’s did not believe they could afford to re-sign Perkins after the season.

3) The Celtics fall apart after acquiring Green. Green, despite all his obvious natural athleticism, fails to produce in any one aspect of the game. He does not score, rebound, or defend particularly well, and the Celtics collapse during the second half of the season, ultimately bowing to the Miami Heat in five games.

4) Fuck being frugal. Ainge offers to reacquire Perkins (and his new, $9 million per season contract), except this time he also proposes to (slightly) downgrade from Rajon Rondo to Russell Westbrook.

5) Sam Presti hangs up the phone, chuckling to himself.

6) A few months later, the trade offer resurfaces. My period of grieving goes something like this: I spend three hours crying about Perk (“I just miss his scowl, mom”), two hours trying to Google Ainge’s address so I can egg his house, two more hours trying to ponder the question: “wait, Rondo IS better than Westbrook, right?”, and then I return to crying about Perk until I fall asleep.

Unfortunately for Ainge, there is no reset button in real life.

After Kendrick Perkins was traded away, Rajon Rondo struggled. This is not breaking news to people who paid any amount of attention.

He stopped throwing dimes at a historic pace. His (marginally) improved shot stopped going down. I don’t want to question Rondo’s heart, not after he morphed into the killer from Fugitive, playing the Miami Heat series essentially with one arm, but there were times when Rondo just didn’t seem very interested in playing basketball. It was easy to wonder whether Rondo just missed his scowly friend, Perk.

But during the NBA lockout, Rondo might have found a solution to the deep hole Perk’s departure left in his heart: become Perk’s teammate overseas. (Yahoo! Sports)

Boston Celtics guard Rajon Rondo and Oklahoma City Thunder center Kendrick Perkins, close friends, have been discussing the possibility of playing together overseas, and have had representatives inquiring on the possibilities, sources said.

Rondo and Perkins are interested in playing in higher-paying countries, such as Italy, Spain and Russia, sources said. There’s no deal in the works, and it’s unclear if there’s even a team that could financially put together the kind of contracts it would take to lure the players.

Insurance premiums cut significantly into the money that teams are willing to pay frontline NBA starters, and in some instances, the difference left in pay won’t make the leap overseas worth making for some players.

I wonder if they’ll cuddle on the flight.

Seriously: As I said earlier today, there’s real risk involved in players defecting overseas. What if Rondo, God forbid, suffered an ACL tear in Spain? Or an MCL tear in Italy? Or a broken femur in Russia?

I get why Rondo wants to team up with Perkins overseas. Make money, play basketball, have week-long Monopoly games with Perk. Sounds like a great life. But as a Celtics fan, the idea makes me cringe.

The year was 2007, and I sat squished alongside five friends in my buddy’s single dorm room. The seating arrangements could have been (much) better: sitting six people into a Skidmore College single is like fitting 17 in a Toyota Corolla. But I was in New York, I didn’t get Fox Sports New England, and my buddy Harry was the only person I knew who shelled out enough money for the cable package that included NBA TV. I wanted to, needed to, watch the new-look Celtics open preseason against the Toronto Raptors in Italy.

The C’s had just suffered through “The Gerald Green Year,” a youth movement of sorts that — combined with Paul Pierce’s injury-riddled campaign — left the Celtics with the NBA’s worst record, Doc Rivers with a bulls-eye on his back that columnists regularly took aim at, and fans with a “please lose as many games as possible so we can select either Greg Oden or Kevin Durant” mentality. When the NBA Draft lottery came and the Celtics were granted the fifth pick, I pondered my options. I could …

1) change allegiances and become a fan of some other team — ANY other team that wasn’t destined for failed season after failed season. But that really wasn’t an option, because, really, what kind of fan switches teams?

2) continue my existence as a miserable Celtics fan, blame Sebastian Telfair for everything bad that happened in life (“my keys got lost — screw you Telfair, you overhyped, underachieving son of a bitch!”), ask God daily why he ever mustered the cruelty to place Green, Telfair, Tony Allen and Wally Szczerbiak on the same team, and fall asleep each night muttering, “Allan Ray. Seriously?”

Or

3) talk myself into fully embracing Yi Jianlian, who Danny Ainge was reportedly enamored with at the No. 5 pick.

I chose the third choice. A seven-foot tall Chinese dude with soft touch and decent athleticism? Forget Durant and Oden! Yi’s the future of basketball! The Celtics got lucky to fall to the No. 5 pick!

FML.

The events that took place following the Draft lottery can only be described as stunning. The Celtics traded for Ray Allen on draft night, turning from laughing stock to “hmm, that team might be fun to watch” literally overnight. Rumors about the C’s acquiring Kevin Garnett shortly followed. I checked into HoopsHype 759 times per day from the computer where I worked at the local swimming pool. On the umpteenth day of The Garnett Watch, HoopsHype afforded me some ridiculously good news, which can only be judged by my reaction: in front of 75 kids, 15 mothers, three hot mothers and my boss, I loudly screamed “F*** YEAH” at the top of my lungs. I almost got fired, but who cares about a job in a time like that? The Celtics had just paired Kevin Garnett with Ray Allen and Paul Pierce. Thank you, Kevin McHale. Would you like chopsticks with your pu-pu platter?

The Celtics quickly became the hottest ticket around town, but it’s important not to forget: there were serious question marks about whether they could contend in year one of the Big Three era. Ray Allen was 32 years old and coming off double ankle surgery. Paul Pierce had just finished his own injury-prone season. Kevin Garnett was still one of the five or six best basketball players in the world, but could the three of them really carry Rajon Rondo and Kendrick Perkins on their backs? Remember, at that stage, neither Rondo or Perk had accomplished anything in their NBA lives. We knew very little about them. Rondo was young, uber-athletic and showed flashes of unadulterated brilliance, but lest we forget, he spent his rookie year backing up Telfair. And I assure you, it’s never a good sign when your team’s starting point guard was known as “Sebastian Telfair’s backup” just months ago. Perk was hulking, he frowned a lot and he had worked hard during his early years to cut a load of baby fat. But his offensive game was less complete than my latest Rubik’s cube, and it was difficult to calculate his defensive capacity. For so long, his defensive acumen had been hidden alongside young, immature teammates with nary a clue about how to play defense.

I really just used the word nary. But I digress.

For the first time, packed into the tiny dorm room, surrounded by the hot stench of my friends’ body odor, I saw the new-look Celtics in action. A few truths were immediately evident: Kevin Garnett looked odd wearing anything besides Minnesota Timberwolves colors, but he treated even preseason games like the NBA Finals. Ray Allen shot like a goddess, even when he missed, and also has enormous calves. James Posey would help everything, so much, even when he didn’t score. Eddie House had a quicker release than a virgin on his first time. But mostly, I watched and marveled at one thing: in the Celtics offense, the ball moved from side to side like a crowd’s eyes at Wimbledon. Back and forth, forth and back, the Celtics moved the ball like a Pete Carril Princeton team. You could never tell that two of the Big Three had recently been ball-stopping superstars with the basketball constantly in their hands. On this team, surrounded by so much talent, everyone wanted to keep everyone else happy. Maybe even too much so. The C’s passed up a few open shots to make the extra pass. But that was a trivial matter that more practice time would take care of. After watching Gerald Green for the previous year, this was like updating from Soulja Boy to Tupac.

At that point, watching NBA TV in that crowded, hot room, I still had no idea where the Big Three era would lead me. I didn’t know the Celtics would forge so quickly and rattle off 66 regular season wins, more than any team (1985-86, 67 wins) but one in Celtics history. I didn’t know they would struggle to beat the Hawks, barely nudge past a locked-in Lebron, find their inner playoff warrior against the Pistons and embarrass the Lakers in Game 6 to take home the franchise’s 17th title. I didn’t know “Anytthhinngggg isssss posssssiiibblllleeeee.” I didn’t know the slew of what-ifs that would follow in the coming years. What if Garnett didn’t get hurt? What if Perk never tore his ACL? What if Danny Ainge never traded for Jeff Green, or Rajon Rondo never dislocated his elbow? I didn’t know how joyful it would be to root for this Celtics team, even in the playoff losses, always so valiant and selfless and inspired, even if certain regular season games — especially the second night of back-to-backs — have been frightful to observe. I didn’t know Paul Pierce’s transformation into a mature man would finish. I didn’t know Rajon Rondo would blossom into one of the league’s most exciting, creative players, and also one of its most confounding. I didn’t know just how nice it would be to watch Ray Allen spot up on the wing in transition. I didn’t know Eddie House would become one of my favorite Celtics ever, James Posey’s hugs would be etched into my memory forever, or that Perkins — with his jaw that always seems set for war — would prove his worth and then some. I didn’t know losing to the Lakers in Game 7 would hurt so bad. I didn’t know I would come to love Tony Allen, even if I still hated him half the time. I didn’t know Stephon Marbury would be so strange, Glen Davis would make me feel the entire spectrum of human emotions, and Sam Cassell would never, ever stop shooting ill-advised shots. I didn’t know P.J. Brown would play such a crucial role in the only Celtics championship of my lifetime.

I didn’t know four years later, the NBA lockout would threaten to bring the Big Three era to a close without us seeing it through to the end. This glorious era that began when the Celtics got screwed in the NBA lottery might have just one season left. For the love of Scott Pollard, let us — let me — enjoy it.

On September 30, Kendrick Perkins and Rajon Rondo will be reunited as teammates in the Southern Hospitality Showcase Atlanta 2011, a glorified pickup game featuring more than 20 NBA players. Marquis Daniels will also make his return to competitive basketball, or at least his public return.

On Friday, September 30 Marquis Daniels, Rajon Rondo, Kendrick Perkins, and Nate Robinson will suit up as teammates in the Southern Hospitality Showcase Atlanta 2011, a competitive, fast-paced “pick-up” style game featuring over 20 NBA players.

Along with the current/former Celtics, other NBA players slated to participate include John Wall, Jason Terry, Stephen Jackson, Josh Howard, Al Harrington, JJ Hickson, Josh Selby, and Trey Thompkins. Additional players are expected to be announced.

What follows is an account of what will inevitably occur on that day.

*****

It’s a beautiful day in Atlanta, 83 degrees without a cloud in the sky, and Rajon Rondo and Kendrick Perkins are walking from their hotel room to Moorehouse College to play in a charity basketball game.

Nate Robinson is already in the gym working on his pullup 30-footers. To simulate reality, Robinson asks Scott Brooks to sit on the sideline shaking his head after every shot. Brooks declines because he doesn’t see the point: in reality, Robinson will be strapped to the bench and Russell Westbrook will be the Thunder point guard taking ill-advised shots. After about two dozen attempts, a few of which actually go in, Robinson stops shooting so he can work on the one aspect of his game that doesn’t need work: his celebrations. At that moment, he looks to the gym’s entrance and spots Rondo and Perkins walking through the door. But Nate’s a little surprised: Rondo and Perkins are holding hands.

As Nate, Rondo and Perkins share a nice moment together, old teammates reminiscing about the good ol’ days, the other competitors are getting loose for the game. Josh Smith is preoccupied with his three-point shooting, because obviously that’s his greatest strength, J.J. Hickson has a dunk contest with himself, Marquis Daniels is thanking the tournament director for not inviting Gilbert Arenas, and Josh Howard, Stephen Jackson, Jason Terry, John Wall, Al Harrington and Josh Selby are huddled in the corner, trying to figure out who the hell Trey Thompkins is.

“I have no idea, but he looks tall,” says John Wall. “And I can guarantee he has a higher basketball IQ than Javale McGee.”

The horn blows and the game is about to start. During pregame introductions, James Posey materializes out of nowhere and begins his odd hugging routine. He holds Marquis Daniels close and whispers into his ear, “I like the way your dreads smell today.” Then he bends down a couple feet so he can embrace Nate Robinson. Finally, he tries to hug Rondo and Perkins, but for the first time in his life, Posey fails to properly execute his homo-erotic pregame routine: Rondo and Perkins are too busy hugging each other.

In Rondo’s arms, Perkins finally stops scowling and his face lightens into a 10,000-watt smile. The game is beginning now behind them, but Rondo and Perkins are lost in their own world. After a few minutes, tears start falling down Rondo’s face. Perkins gently brushes them away.

“I wish I had been there to comfort you when you hurt your elbow,” whispers Perkins.

Tim Hardaway unexpectedly arrives to watch the game, and he gives the hug two thumbs up.

On the court, Trey Thompkins shakes his head in disgust — this is not exactly what he envisioned when he skipped his senior year at Georgia to enter the NBA draft. The embrace seems like it will never end, but the two are brought back to reality when an errant Nate Robinson pass strikes Perk in the back of the head.

“First time he’s ever passed to me,” says Perk, and the scowl has returned. Playing with Rondo again at long last, Perkins is freed to do the things he does best: mostly, set moving screens, elbow unsuspecting opponents, intimidate officials and occasionally stop his opponents from scoring a basket. Rondo, too, plays like himself for the first time in months. He sets up teammates for wide open jumpers, beats opponents off the dribble at will, and bricks any shot he takes from outside the paint.

For the whole game, the world is right. Rondo and Perkins are reunited. Their team wins by 27 points. Rondo is named the MVP. A well-placed Perkins elbow gives Thompkins a gash that requires 16 stitches. Josh Howard wears earmuffs during the national anthem. But the world cannot remain perfect forever.

Five minutes after the game, players are in the locker room changing into street clothes when Rondo’s phone begins to ring. He picks it up and looks at the caller ID.

“It’s Jeff Green,” he tells Perkins.

“Then don’t pick up.”

Two days after reports that Kendrick Perkins routinely criticized teammate Russell Westbrook during the past season, reports from Oklahoma City described a mini training camp the Thunder held last week at the University of Texas. Two-thirds of the Thunder participated in the workouts, ten players. Nazr Mohammed called their games “the best pickup games in America,” and the Thunder used what could have been a wasted summer to step a little closer to an NBA championship.

All of which begs the question: should fans be concerned that the Boston Celtics haven’t met once this offseason?

Many teams have organized offseason workouts. Mike Conley brought the Grizzlies together. Amare Stoudemire rallied the Knicks. Durant rounded up the Thunder. But the Celtics have yet to gather in the same area.

Last week Kevin Garnett suggested he would plan a Celtics get-together soon, but his details were vague and the plan hardly seemed like one of his priorities. He said, “I’m going actually to the East Coast sometime soon and I am actually going to try to get everybody together just to be in the same area.” But when and where were not mentioned, and Garnett even admitted the workout likely would not consist of more than four or five players.

The problems are in geography and numbers. Garnett and Pierce live in California, and Pierce spent time barnstorming in China. Jermaine O’Neal and Avery Bradley work out in Las Vegas. Ray Allen was most recently spotted in Connecticut. E’Twaun Moore is playing professionally in Italy. JaJuan Johnson, based on his tweets, spends most of his time in Indiana. Rajon Rondo is working out at the University of Kentucky, sometimes with Lebron James. Glen Davis, Delonte West and Jeff Green aren’t officially Celtics. Neither are Nenad Krstic, Carlos Arroyo, Von Wafer, Sasha Pavlovic or Troy Murphy — Krstic left to Russia, Carlos Arrroyo competed with the Puerto Rican National Team this summer, and Wafer, Pavlovic and Murphy presumably are still picking splinters from their rumps and having nightmares of the end of Boston’s bench.

With only seven players under contract (eight if you include E’Twaun Moore, a second-round pick who does not have a guaranteed contract), the Celtics could not possibly host a ten-man mini training camp like the Thunder did. But meeting at least a few times, if only so JaJuan Johnson could have heard Kevin Garnett’s advice or Avery Bradley could have asked Rajon Rondo some questions about running a team, would have been beneficial. Instead, the Celtics — led by so many veterans, who we assumed would remain unfazed by the lockout, if only because the main Celtics already experienced one in 1998 and should have learned from it — have allowed the summer to disconnect them and leave them scattered across the country, working out (or not working out, you never know) mostly on their own.

It’s nothing to worry about, at least not yet, as the Celtics still have plentiful experience together and don’t necessarily need extra reps like the young Thunder or Grizzlies do. But you have to admit — you would have preferred that the Celtics spend at least a portion of this summer together as a team, working out, bonding, and pulling a successful season just a little bit closer to their embrace.

On the day the Celtics traded Kendrick Perkins, they were the NBA favorites, or at least damn close, and they could not lose to the Miami Heat. Three months later, they fell to the Heat when it counted most, four games to one, and Kevin Garnett later conceded the Heat were a better team.

Adding Jeff Green didn’t solve any of Boston’s bench problems, picking up Nenad Krstic only made Boston more susceptible to wide open layups, Shaq and Jermaine O’Neal remained injured and broken down for most of the season, and meanwhile, even with Perk playing poorly in Oklahoma City, the Thunder blossomed with their new big man. The Perkins trade, from whatever view you might take, did not pay any dividends last season.

Somehow, Shaq managed to make the trade look even worse yesterday. (NOLA)

“I truly believe that if I didn’t get injured,” Shaq said, “we (Celtics) would have beaten Miami, and we could have beaten Dallas. Usually when it’s really a bad injury, you get one (cortisone) shot, and then you feel better and play. But I got shot after shot, and I was scared to get an MRI. I knew my Achilles’ tendon was ripped the whole time. I did everything from acupuncture, cortisone and therapy. It felt good when I initially came back, but I ripped it some more.

“My mind was on winning the whole thing, and we had a chance to get the second spot (in the Eastern Conference), and we ended up getting the fourth spot. I even told (Boston General Manager) Danny Ainge not to do the Kendrick Perkins deal with Oklahoma City. I told them I might not be ready, and I’m definitely not coming back. Those guys did what they’ve got to do. I wasn’t surprised; I’ve seen it before. They say all that blah, blah, but you know it’s always going to be something different.”

Look, I’m the biggest Perkins Trade basher in the world. Jeff Green’s a broke man’s Lamar Odom and Perkins was an obviously important piece. The Celtics went from Ubuntu to Ubunt-who? overnight, adding a slew of players midseason and struggling to find their identity for the playoffs. Having all those new additions even forced Doc Rivers to cut his playbook in half for the postseason. That’s never ideal.

But Shaq telling Danny Ainge not to pull the trigger on the deal? That doesn’t change my opinion of the trade at all. Why not? Because Ainge should have known what a risk it was to roll the dice on Shaq’s health, even without Shaq telling him. It didn’t take inside information to know that Shaq was a walking (or sometimes not walking) hospital patient. The Big Diesel’s body was just as reliable as his free throw stroke, maybe even less so — Shaq played in 45.1% of Boston’s game last year, but shot 55.7% from the charity stripe.

Even if Shaq WAS on pace to return healthy well before the playoffs, his next injury was always around the corner. That’s what happens when you’re 39 years old, weigh 360 pounds, never stay in great shape and have played thousands of miles worth of NBA basketball. Ainge didn’t need Shaq to tell him any of that. That Shaq did, well, you can blame Danny for not listening, but Shaq’s body was telling Danny the same message long before Shaq verbalized it.

Ainge thought the Celtics needed to trade Kendrick Perkins for Jeff Green. The trade was never about believing Shaq would return in perfect shape. Ainge wasn’t that dumb; not even the most gullible, optimistic fan thought that would happen. In the middle of February, with the Celtics the NBA favorites or very close to it, Danny Ainge simply thought the Celtics needed a serious change. Obviously, if last season is any indication, he miscalculated. But the move was never about Ainge trusting Shaq.

I know, Kendrick Perkins isn’t a Celtic anymore. But we’re in a lockout, people, meaning news is slower than Eddy Curry on tranquilizers. Plus, the Perkins story is becoming interesting as it gets more complicated daily.

Perkins now claims complete innocence in regards to his public intoxication and disorderly conduct charges. In fact, he claims he drank nothing but water that night. (The Oklahoman)

“Although these may be misdemeanors, it’s a big deal to Kendrick,” said Denise White, a publicist for Perkins, in an emailed statement to The Oklahoman. “He’s not happy about how things happened that evening and feels like the police were out of hand.” …

The biggest falsity, White said, is Perkins reportedly being drunk.

“He was not drinking alcohol, nor was he intoxicated,” said White, CEO and founder of EAG Sports Management. “Not one drop of alcohol Friday night. We’re not sure why they said Kendrick was intoxicated.”

According to White, police didn’t administer a breathalyzer or field sobriety test at the scene or the police station.

“There are witnesses inside the club that will attest to Kendrick only drinking water that evening,” White said.

White said the altercation early Saturday morning stemmed from Perkins attempting to collect money from the club manager with whom he had struck a deal for the use of the establishment as an after party site wrapping up the event. The money, White said, was to go to Perkins’ foundation, which aims to help children learn life skills and drug-awareness. According to White, the club owner became combative with Perkins and refused to hand over the money. An assistant to Perkins diffused the situation before “the lone policeman inside the club started harassing Kendrick to leave,” White said. Once outside, White said, another officer became more combative with Perkins, pushing him and grabbing his arm. Perkins, White said, was upset and pulled away. The officer then arrested him.

“We still don’t know why he was physical with Kendrick,” White said.

Oh, cops.

Details will continue to emerge, and I assume Perkins’s name will be cleared. If he’s lying now, it’s the worst public relations mistake he could make — reputations can easily survive one public intoxication and disorderly conduct charge, but lying about said charges would likely bring backlash.

I feel like Morgan, the little sister from Boy Meets World, right now. I’ve been in time out for three years and I’m finally making a return to the show — er, a return to writing.

In actuality, I haven’t been in time out. I haven’t been having recurring nightmares about a drunken, belligerent Kendrick Perkins either. My grandfather Pop Pop passed away from a cancerous tumor, and spending time with my family vaulted over everything else on my list of priorities — my golf swing is now in shambles, I haven’t updated my website in a week, my jump shot is rusty, and, no, I wouldn’t change any of that because experiencing the love my family emanated this week changed my life.

Pop Pop’s in a better place now, a place where he can finally play golf again, a place where his face does not have a tumor, a place where he can reunite with his parents, both of whom died before he was three years old, a place where he can walk without a walker, go to the bathroom without a diaper, sleep without pain, . I assume he’s playing 18 holes now, and when he’s done he’ll wait in the clubhouse for my grandmother Kicki and the rest of us to meet him for dinner.

In the meantime, I’m back to business as usual. That means discussing the major developments that happened during my intermission:

1. Kendrick Perkins arrested for public intoxication and disorderly conduct

Thinks of Perkins searching for a fight with regulation-sized human beings.

Shivers in fear.

Remembers how many times he’s seen drunken people trying to fight.

Gives Perk the benefit of the doubt . . . this time.

2. Kendrick Perkins claims he is innocent and suffered injuries from the fight

Perk suffered injuries in a bar fight? That can’t be great for his street cred.

3. Kendrick Perkins considering filing a police brutality complaint over incident

Whoa. Now this Perkins story is getting a bit crazy. One second I envision Perkins stomping around a bar looking like Godzilla scavenging for young civilians. The next, Perkins claims injury, denies the police version of the incident, and is considering a suit against the fuzz. Ladies and gentleman, your 2011 news cycle. Also, for whatever it’s worth, as much as Perkins scowls on the court, he’s just about the last person I would expect to get into a bar fight.

4. Kendrick Perkins is no longer a Boston Celtic

Yet I keep talking about him. Ugh. Note to self: it’s time to let Perk go.

5. Ray Allen says a cancelled season will not doom the Celtics

Yeah, a core of Rajon Rondo, 37-year old Ray Allen, 36-year old Kevin Garnett and 35-year old Paul Pierce would definitely return as contenders in 2012-’13. And Lindsey Lohan is a perfect role model for your children.

6. Rondo’s elbow feeling good

Rondo participated in a Kentucky exhibition game and reportedly looked good.

6. Doc Rivers might be searching for a defensive coordinator

The NBA lockout needs to end, mostly because this is what constitutes a rumor right now. I never would have guessed how much I miss free agency rumors that don’t involve foreign countries. I would even kill for a “Celtics work out Adam Morrison and Kwame Brown” headline right now.

As a fan, the fourth episode of The Association is going to be a strange one to watch. On one hand, I still love Perk. I rooted for Perk for eight years. I watched him grow, from a bumbling, overweight rookie into a legitimate starting center, one of the best individual post defenders in the NBA, and one tough bastard who I would go to battle with any day. I’ll never forget Perk.

On the other hand, it’s about time we stop the grieving period. It’s like when a girlfriend breaks up with you. At some point, it’s time to stop checking out her photos and statuses on Facebook, you know? It’s just going to open up old wounds all over again. So will I watch tomorrow? Probably. But I’m not at all sure I’m going to like it.

P.S. – That Facebook status-checking comparison wasn’t about me, I swear. Just a hypothetical. No, really.

After the jump, check out one Celtic I won’t miss “quite” as much as Perk.

“Love me at my worst, love me at my best. That’s the type of player I am, the type of person I am.” – Nate Robinson

As much as I sometimes despised Nate Robinson’s shot selection, I always knew his head was in the right place. He wanted to win. He wanted to have fun. He always worked hard. He always remained positive. If he just could have cut out the “pull-up jumpers that have no chance of going in and will certainly ruin any momentum the Celtics have,” I could have really enjoyed the Nate Robinson era. Seriously. I think.

Only one thing will make this season a success, and no, trading Nate Robinson doesn’t count. The Celtics will either win an NBA championship or enter the offseason as a failure, with an NBA lockout likely and no promise the Big Three will ever play like the Big Three again.

In retrospect, that’s why I responded so harshly to the Kendrick Perkins trade. With Perkins as the starter, we knew the Celtics could win a championship. They’d already won one, and as Doc Rivers has said, the starting five with Perkins was never beaten. They won one title, lost in the Eastern Conference semifinals when Kevin Garnett got hurt, and lost in Game 7 last season after Perkins went down in Game Six. With Perkins as a starter, the Celtics were 7-0 in playoff series; 7-0-1 if you count the Lakers series as a tie.

We had faith in Perk, because we knew everything he was about. He was going to scowl, throw elbows, notch a technical foul once every three or four games, limit the opposition’s best post player (unless said post player was Andrew Bogut, who Perk never quite figured out), hold his own on the glass, scowl some more, make a few short fadeaway jumpers over his left shoulder, take his sweet ass time while releasing layups, and bring a physicality rare in the NBA. With Perk, the Celtics intimidated other teams. With Perk, the Celtics’ starting five proved it could win a championship. Without him, well, questions needed to be answered.

Can Nenad Krstic keep the defense functioning at a similar level? Can Shaq ever return to health? Who becomes Boston’s enforcer when the playoffs come and another team lowers the boom with a hard foul? Can the Celtics still defend Dwight Howard one-on-one? Does the way Howard’s teammates have played make the previous question a moot point? Can the Celtics still punish Miami inside? Do they have enough to limit the Lakers if they see them again? Is Jermaine O’Neal even alive? Are the Bulls as good as they’ve looked during the regular season? Can the Celtics handle them?

Many of those questions, of course, existed even when Perkins still wore Celtics green. I understand that. Perk’s presence did not change the O’Neal brothers’ health. It did not change that the Bulls are now a legitimate threat. Hell, Perk was injured, and his questionable health only would have added more question marks. Still, there was something comforting about knowing the Celtics had been there before as a unit. That they’d won with Perk as their starting center. That they were still undefeated in the postseason with their starting five intact.

That same feeling of familiarity no longer exists. Even now, after last night’s dismantling of Milwaukee and a mostly-impressive start to the Krstic/Green era, the new-look Celtics have yet to play a contender. They haven’t played LA, Miami, Chicago, San Antonio, or even Orlando or Oklahoma City. We don’t know how the newcomers’ success will translate against the league’s best. We don’t know how they will respond to the playoffs, and, really, neither do they. Green has played in one playoff series during his career, and Krstic has never advanced past the second round.

In short, we don’t know nearly as much about Nenad Krstic or Jeff Green as we knew about Kendrick Perkins, nor do we know as much about the new-look Celtics as we did the old-look Celtics. That lack of knowledge leaves us with a hint of wariness, of course. But as we learn more about Green and Krstic, as we learn more about the new-look Celtics, the possibilities intrigue.

We know the post defense won’t be the same*, since Krstic allows better post position than Doc Rivers would like and too frequently seems a step late on rotations. But neither will the offense from the center spot, where Krstic is A) a better shooter than Perkins, B) better at moving without the ball, C) far less prone to turnovers, and D) actually able to catch-and-shoot before an hourglass expires. We expected the rebounding would decrease, but Krstic has quickly become a Serbian Dennis Rodman, and shows no signs of slowing down his suddenly-passable rebounding rate (though my Rodman comparison was certainly hyperbole). We expected Krstic and Green would take a long time to adjust to their new mates, but both seem to have learned their roles quite quickly.

*(In the “weird stat of the day which is probably due to small sample size,” Boston’s starting lineup has performed worse offensively with Krstic than it did with Perkins. And the defense? Wouldn’t you know it, a little better with Krstic than Perkins.)

Green, already, has teamed with the other newcomers (Arroyo et al) to transform Boston’s second unit. Believe me, I spent the first half of the season knowing — just knowing — Boston’s second unit would blow a lead, or kick away a tie game, or turn a small deficit into a considerably larger one. As Boston’s second unit continually blew games or made them far closer than they should have been, I spent far too much time cursing Nate “I love shooting pull-up three-pointers in transition, even though I hardly ever make them” Robinson, wondering why Marquis Daniels produced so little, and hoping Semih Erden would finally start turning his high basketball IQ and solid athleticism into points and rebounds. Now? I no longer expect a second unit blowup, because Green, Arroyo et al have instantly changed the second unit into a functional, capable bunch. My favorite contribution Green has made so far? That I no longer dread when Doc Rivers makes substitutions.

Kendrick Perkins sat in Oklahoma City’s locker room today, calling Pau Gasol soft and Phil Jackson arrogant, making clear for all to hear: the Los Angeles Lakers will not push the Oklahoma City Thunder around, not anymore, not on Perk’s watch. It was the latest sign of the toughness we Celtics fans came to expect from Perk, except now, he makes his claims on behalf of another team.

When the Celtics need that type of toughness this postseason, they’ll have to turn to someone else. Perkins won’t be there to lend an elbow and a scowl. He won’t be there to go toe-to-toe with the league’s biggest players. He won’t be there at all, but Nenad Krstic and Jeff Green will. They won’t provide the same things Perk did, and nobody would ask them to. But they help, in ways Perk couldn’t, in ways that keep the Celtics quite dangerous, in ways that keep the Celtics at (or at least very near) the forefront of any NBA championship discussion.

Perk’s gone, of course. But the Celtics’ new starting five is still undefeated in the playoffs, no?