I know, Kendrick Perkins isn’t a Celtic anymore. But we’re in a lockout, people, meaning news is slower than Eddy Curry on tranquilizers. Plus, the Perkins story is becoming interesting as it gets more complicated daily.

Perkins now claims complete innocence in regards to his public intoxication and disorderly conduct charges. In fact, he claims he drank nothing but water that night. (The Oklahoman)

“Although these may be misdemeanors, it’s a big deal to Kendrick,” said Denise White, a publicist for Perkins, in an emailed statement to The Oklahoman. “He’s not happy about how things happened that evening and feels like the police were out of hand.” …

The biggest falsity, White said, is Perkins reportedly being drunk.

“He was not drinking alcohol, nor was he intoxicated,” said White, CEO and founder of EAG Sports Management. “Not one drop of alcohol Friday night. We’re not sure why they said Kendrick was intoxicated.”

According to White, police didn’t administer a breathalyzer or field sobriety test at the scene or the police station.

“There are witnesses inside the club that will attest to Kendrick only drinking water that evening,” White said.

White said the altercation early Saturday morning stemmed from Perkins attempting to collect money from the club manager with whom he had struck a deal for the use of the establishment as an after party site wrapping up the event. The money, White said, was to go to Perkins’ foundation, which aims to help children learn life skills and drug-awareness. According to White, the club owner became combative with Perkins and refused to hand over the money. An assistant to Perkins diffused the situation before “the lone policeman inside the club started harassing Kendrick to leave,” White said. Once outside, White said, another officer became more combative with Perkins, pushing him and grabbing his arm. Perkins, White said, was upset and pulled away. The officer then arrested him.

“We still don’t know why he was physical with Kendrick,” White said.

Oh, cops.

Details will continue to emerge, and I assume Perkins’s name will be cleared. If he’s lying now, it’s the worst public relations mistake he could make — reputations can easily survive one public intoxication and disorderly conduct charge, but lying about said charges would likely bring backlash.

I feel like Morgan, the little sister from Boy Meets World, right now. I’ve been in time out for three years and I’m finally making a return to the show — er, a return to writing.

In actuality, I haven’t been in time out. I haven’t been having recurring nightmares about a drunken, belligerent Kendrick Perkins either. My grandfather Pop Pop passed away from a cancerous tumor, and spending time with my family vaulted over everything else on my list of priorities — my golf swing is now in shambles, I haven’t updated my website in a week, my jump shot is rusty, and, no, I wouldn’t change any of that because experiencing the love my family emanated this week changed my life.

Pop Pop’s in a better place now, a place where he can finally play golf again, a place where his face does not have a tumor, a place where he can reunite with his parents, both of whom died before he was three years old, a place where he can walk without a walker, go to the bathroom without a diaper, sleep without pain, . I assume he’s playing 18 holes now, and when he’s done he’ll wait in the clubhouse for my grandmother Kicki and the rest of us to meet him for dinner.

In the meantime, I’m back to business as usual. That means discussing the major developments that happened during my intermission:

1. Kendrick Perkins arrested for public intoxication and disorderly conduct

Thinks of Perkins searching for a fight with regulation-sized human beings.

Shivers in fear.

Remembers how many times he’s seen drunken people trying to fight.

Gives Perk the benefit of the doubt . . . this time.

2. Kendrick Perkins claims he is innocent and suffered injuries from the fight

Perk suffered injuries in a bar fight? That can’t be great for his street cred.

3. Kendrick Perkins considering filing a police brutality complaint over incident

Whoa. Now this Perkins story is getting a bit crazy. One second I envision Perkins stomping around a bar looking like Godzilla scavenging for young civilians. The next, Perkins claims injury, denies the police version of the incident, and is considering a suit against the fuzz. Ladies and gentleman, your 2011 news cycle. Also, for whatever it’s worth, as much as Perkins scowls on the court, he’s just about the last person I would expect to get into a bar fight.

4. Kendrick Perkins is no longer a Boston Celtic

Yet I keep talking about him. Ugh. Note to self: it’s time to let Perk go.

5. Ray Allen says a cancelled season will not doom the Celtics

Yeah, a core of Rajon Rondo, 37-year old Ray Allen, 36-year old Kevin Garnett and 35-year old Paul Pierce would definitely return as contenders in 2012-’13. And Lindsey Lohan is a perfect role model for your children.

6. Rondo’s elbow feeling good

Rondo participated in a Kentucky exhibition game and reportedly looked good.

6. Doc Rivers might be searching for a defensive coordinator

The NBA lockout needs to end, mostly because this is what constitutes a rumor right now. I never would have guessed how much I miss free agency rumors that don’t involve foreign countries. I would even kill for a “Celtics work out Adam Morrison and Kwame Brown” headline right now.

As a fan, the fourth episode of The Association is going to be a strange one to watch. On one hand, I still love Perk. I rooted for Perk for eight years. I watched him grow, from a bumbling, overweight rookie into a legitimate starting center, one of the best individual post defenders in the NBA, and one tough bastard who I would go to battle with any day. I’ll never forget Perk.

On the other hand, it’s about time we stop the grieving period. It’s like when a girlfriend breaks up with you. At some point, it’s time to stop checking out her photos and statuses on Facebook, you know? It’s just going to open up old wounds all over again. So will I watch tomorrow? Probably. But I’m not at all sure I’m going to like it.

P.S. – That Facebook status-checking comparison wasn’t about me, I swear. Just a hypothetical. No, really.

After the jump, check out one Celtic I won’t miss “quite” as much as Perk. Read more »

Only one thing will make this season a success, and no, trading Nate Robinson doesn’t count. The Celtics will either win an NBA championship or enter the offseason as a failure, with an NBA lockout likely and no promise the Big Three will ever play like the Big Three again.

In retrospect, that’s why I responded so harshly to the Kendrick Perkins trade. With Perkins as the starter, we knew the Celtics could win a championship. They’d already won one, and as Doc Rivers has said, the starting five with Perkins was never beaten. They won one title, lost in the Eastern Conference semifinals when Kevin Garnett got hurt, and lost in Game 7 last season after Perkins went down in Game Six. With Perkins as a starter, the Celtics were 7-0 in playoff series; 7-0-1 if you count the Lakers series as a tie.

We had faith in Perk, because we knew everything he was about. He was going to scowl, throw elbows, notch a technical foul once every three or four games, limit the opposition’s best post player (unless said post player was Andrew Bogut, who Perk never quite figured out), hold his own on the glass, scowl some more, make a few short fadeaway jumpers over his left shoulder, take his sweet ass time while releasing layups, and bring a physicality rare in the NBA. With Perk, the Celtics intimidated other teams. With Perk, the Celtics’ starting five proved it could win a championship. Without him, well, questions needed to be answered.

Can Nenad Krstic keep the defense functioning at a similar level? Can Shaq ever return to health? Who becomes Boston’s enforcer when the playoffs come and another team lowers the boom with a hard foul? Can the Celtics still defend Dwight Howard one-on-one? Does the way Howard’s teammates have played make the previous question a moot point? Can the Celtics still punish Miami inside? Do they have enough to limit the Lakers if they see them again? Is Jermaine O’Neal even alive? Are the Bulls as good as they’ve looked during the regular season? Can the Celtics handle them?

Many of those questions, of course, existed even when Perkins still wore Celtics green. I understand that. Perk’s presence did not change the O’Neal brothers’ health. It did not change that the Bulls are now a legitimate threat. Hell, Perk was injured, and his questionable health only would have added more question marks. Still, there was something comforting about knowing the Celtics had been there before as a unit. That they’d won with Perk as their starting center. That they were still undefeated in the postseason with their starting five intact.

That same feeling of familiarity no longer exists. Even now, after last night’s dismantling of Milwaukee and a mostly-impressive start to the Krstic/Green era, the new-look Celtics have yet to play a contender. They haven’t played LA, Miami, Chicago, San Antonio, or even Orlando or Oklahoma City. We don’t know how the newcomers’ success will translate against the league’s best. We don’t know how they will respond to the playoffs, and, really, neither do they. Green has played in one playoff series during his career, and Krstic has never advanced past the second round.

In short, we don’t know nearly as much about Nenad Krstic or Jeff Green as we knew about Kendrick Perkins, nor do we know as much about the new-look Celtics as we did the old-look Celtics. That lack of knowledge leaves us with a hint of wariness, of course. But as we learn more about Green and Krstic, as we learn more about the new-look Celtics, the possibilities intrigue.

We know the post defense won’t be the same*, since Krstic allows better post position than Doc Rivers would like and too frequently seems a step late on rotations. But neither will the offense from the center spot, where Krstic is A) a better shooter than Perkins, B) better at moving without the ball, C) far less prone to turnovers, and D) actually able to catch-and-shoot before an hourglass expires. We expected the rebounding would decrease, but Krstic has quickly become a Serbian Dennis Rodman, and shows no signs of slowing down his suddenly-passable rebounding rate (though my Rodman comparison was certainly hyperbole). We expected Krstic and Green would take a long time to adjust to their new mates, but both seem to have learned their roles quite quickly.

*(In the “weird stat of the day which is probably due to small sample size,” Boston’s starting lineup has performed worse offensively with Krstic than it did with Perkins. And the defense? Wouldn’t you know it, a little better with Krstic than Perkins.)

Green, already, has teamed with the other newcomers (Arroyo et al) to transform Boston’s second unit. Believe me, I spent the first half of the season knowing — just knowing — Boston’s second unit would blow a lead, or kick away a tie game, or turn a small deficit into a considerably larger one. As Boston’s second unit continually blew games or made them far closer than they should have been, I spent far too much time cursing Nate “I love shooting pull-up three-pointers in transition, even though I hardly ever make them” Robinson, wondering why Marquis Daniels produced so little, and hoping Semih Erden would finally start turning his high basketball IQ and solid athleticism into points and rebounds. Now? I no longer expect a second unit blowup, because Green, Arroyo et al have instantly changed the second unit into a functional, capable bunch. My favorite contribution Green has made so far? That I no longer dread when Doc Rivers makes substitutions.

Kendrick Perkins sat in Oklahoma City’s locker room today, calling Pau Gasol soft and Phil Jackson arrogant, making clear for all to hear: the Los Angeles Lakers will not push the Oklahoma City Thunder around, not anymore, not on Perk’s watch. It was the latest sign of the toughness we Celtics fans came to expect from Perk, except now, he makes his claims on behalf of another team.

When the Celtics need that type of toughness this postseason, they’ll have to turn to someone else. Perkins won’t be there to lend an elbow and a scowl. He won’t be there to go toe-to-toe with the league’s biggest players. He won’t be there at all, but Nenad Krstic and Jeff Green will. They won’t provide the same things Perk did, and nobody would ask them to. But they help, in ways Perk couldn’t, in ways that keep the Celtics quite dangerous, in ways that keep the Celtics at (or at least very near) the forefront of any NBA championship discussion.

Perk’s gone, of course. But the Celtics’ new starting five is still undefeated in the playoffs, no?

11:08 a.m.- update: Perk’s deal will pay him $34.8 million over four years, according to Adrian Wojnarowski.

In a move that will kick Celtics fans where the sun don’t shine, Kendrick Perkins agreed to a contract extension with the Oklahoma City Thunder today.

The specifics of the deal are not yet known, but the Thunder — if they renegotiated Perk’s deal to max out their cap space, which seems likely — were able to offer Perk a four-year, $34 million (approximately, based on Sham Sports’ calculations) extension. Perkins had turned down a four-year, $22 million extension earlier this season from Boston, which was the most the Celtics could offer under the current CBA.

Though players like Brendan Haywood earn $55 million contracts, Perkins maintained he would have agreed to a $30 million deal with Boston. He even told me earlier this year, “I think about this every day. I tell my wife that I just can’t picture myself anywhere but Boston.”

For Perkins, you get the feeling it was never about seeking Haywood money. It was about loyalty. About playing in a situation where he could contend, where a good organization just wanted to win. Maybe he would have hit free agency and been blown away by some other team’s offer. But Perkins, if nothing else, always seemed like a man of his word.

By the way, Perkins will likely become a free agent again in 2015. Cue the, “A 2015 frontcourt of Kendrick Perkins and Dwight Howard wouldn’t be too crummy” fantasies.

Also, I say it wasn’t about the money, but Perkins will likely make almost $9 million per season. That ain’t chump change.

Tears.

(h/t Red’s Army)