I was impressed by Cleveland’s hatred. That city loathes Lebron James. In the words of Susan from Survivor: if Lebron was sitting there dying of thirst, Cleveland would let the vultures take him. The city showered him with boos, chants, and homemade posters, all designed to make Lebron feel some sort of pain.

The Cavs, on the other hand? I wasn’t so impressed with them. Not in the least. They joked with Lebron, smiled as he stood in front of their bench jawing. They showed no competitive fire, no spine. If I had to choose one word to describe the Cavs last night, it would rhyme with wussies. Lebron jetted in for fast break layups, and nobody put him on his ass. He mocked the bench and nobody, save for an assistant coach, told him to shove it.

Why should the players want to beat Lebron as badly as the fans did, you ask? Because when he left, he effectively told his former supporting cast they weren’t good enough. He couldn’t win with those chumps, is what Lebron’s departure meant. He wanted to go elsewhere, where he could surround himself with talented teammates, where he could finally win his first title. Lebron leaving Cleveland was a direct slap in his former teammates’ faces. He thought it was their fault he went ringless during his first seven seasons.

THAT’S why the players should resent Lebron, or at least want to beat his ass on the court. Not because he made The Decision such a public debacle. Not because he showed no remorse to the city that had loved him for so long. Not just because he left. But because when he left, he showed no respect to the Cavaliers. “I feel like it’s going to give me the best opportunity to win,” LeBron said after The Decision. He added, “I want to be able to win championships. And I feel like I can compete down there.”

In other words, “Mo Williams, Anderson Varejao, Antawn Jamison and Anderson Varejao suck.”

Still, the Cavs showed no spine. Chris Webber called them “as soft as wet toilet paper.” Then he added, “in a puddle.”

Meanwhile, Lebron used the crowd’s hatred as fuel. Finally, in this season where Lebron is the most despised man in basketball, he embraced the role of villain.

I wrote my latest piece for SLAM Online on Lebron’s vindictive spirit in last night’s game.

The only problem was, LeBron James didn’t stop tormenting Clevelanders in July. He came back at their throats last night, like he, not they, had been wronged. There was a different bounce in his step, a bounce Cleveland had seen on occasion. No taunts were going to distract LeBron James in this game. He was a man with a singular mission, to take the crowd’s hatred and silence it. All season long, we have wondered how the public’s disdain would change LeBron James. Would he use it as fuel, or would it affect him more negatively? On this night, clearly galvanized by his role as enemy, LeBron played the villain perfectly. By the end of the third quarter, when LeBron had already set a season high with 38 points, the crowd’s jeers — so damning and violent at the game’s start — had become nothing more than a form of entertainment to make a blowout more exciting. [...]

These Miami Heat have all too often played uneven, uninspired basketball. But if LeBron James can be such a vindictive S.O.B. each night, the toughest, most determined man in the gym will also be its most devastating talent. He will continue to quiet crowds and leave haters defeated, and he will accomplish all that with a knowing smile on his face.

Click here to read the rest of my piece.

The Celtics play the Cavaliers tonight, one game before Lebron James visits his old basketball home for the first time. All of which means you’ll be hearing far too much about James in the next few days.

The Cleveland media repeatedly asked the Cavs if they were overlooking Boston, only the Eastern Conference’s best team. Shaq has already been asked about Lebron’s return, and he said two things: first, he doesn’t worry about the game. He just wants to know if Lebron will throw the powder in the air beforehand. And second, if Shaq’s return to Orlando was a six on the vengeance scale of one to ten, Lebron’s return to Cleveland is a twelve.

I’m sorry you have to hear about James all the time. I really am. But I’m also going to discuss him here, in this space. In other words, I will now contribute to the problem I just apologized for. This is where I apologize for the second time in the same paragraph.

My beef is with Adrian Wojnarowski’s latest piece on Lebron. I get that Woj finds Lebron to be everything wrong with sports. I understand that. In a way, I agree with it. But there comes a time when we need to stop blaming everything on Lebron. There comes a time when the other people in the Heat organization should take a little flak, too. Not everything is Lebron’s fault. Not everything that goes wrong should be blamed on the two-time defending MVP.

Look, I love Woj’s work more than life itself. I’m currently re-reading “The Miracle of St. Anthony” for the 1,113th time (estimate only), and I consider it one of the greatest pieces of sports journalism ever penned. But Woj has a tendency to pin all of Miami’s problems on Number Six, and sometimes it just isn’t fair.

Woj’s latest column on the Heat mentioned a quote from Dwyane Wade that threw Erik Spoelstra under the bus, while not directly throwing Spoelstra under the bus. “I’m not going to say he’s ‘my guy,’ but he’s my coach,” Wade said. Wade, keep in mind, is a former NBA Finals MVP, one of the five best players in basketball, and owner of a personality strong enough to be his own man. Yet Woj felt free to blame James for Wade’s apparent sour attitude toward Spoelstra.

As much as ever, the Heat need Wade to influence James. Only now, it’s clear James is influencing Wade. With Udonis Haslem out for the regular season, the locker room misses one of its vital voices. Now, Wade is struggling on the floor and James is the devil on his shoulder, whispering that he doesn’t need to be accountable, that there’s an easy fall guy for everyone: Spoelstra.

Sure, Wade is the one who wouldn’t back his coach, but it’s Lebron’s fault. This was always going to be Lebron’s fault, if anything failed, no matter what it was. Lebron is the two-time MVP, and he’s the one who risked his legacy by teaming with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. If the Heat fail, regardless of how well Lebron plays, that failure will always rest on his shoulders. And so it was that Woj, in a piece preaching how James should be more accountable, offers Wade a way to escape accountability altogether: just blame Lebron.

One gets the feeling Woj would also blame Lebron for the BP oil spill, World War II, and Angelina from the Jersey Shore, if he could.

I’m not saying Lebron has zero fault in this whole mess. It’s very possible he leaked the ESPN story about Miami players doubting Spoelstra, as Woj claims. It’s very possible he returned his cold french fries to a renowned chef — wait, what? It’s very possible he doesn’t respond well to the word “no.”

All signs say Lebron James a spoiled, narcissistic baby who has rarely, if ever, been held accountable for his own mistakes.. But in trying to hold him accountable for his own misdeeds, let’s not also blame him for the mistakes of others. There are a lot of things to blame on Lebron James. Dwyane Wade’s opinion of Erik Spoelstra is one thing that just isn’t Lebron’s fault.

And Spoelstra? It’s nice that he is standing up to Lebron, like Mike Brown never did. It’s nice he’s telling Lebron “no” sometimes. But if Spoelstra expects to keep his job, and to keep from losing his own locker room, he should figure out a way to make his talented team work. That, not just repeatedly saying “no”, is what coaches are supposed to do.

After the Miami Heat’s loss to the Dallas Mavericks yesterday, the Heat staged a players-only meeting. Lebron James said he and his teammates aired their thoughts about the team’s 9-8 start. Chris Bosh told Yahoo!, “We were just looking at each other and being honest.”

They were honest? Well, the truth hurts. The following account of last night’s meeting may or may not be fabricated.

*****

Bosh: “First, guys, I just want to apologize. I know I’m not who you thought I was. I’m a little bit of a fraud.”

Joel Anthony: “I want to apologize, too. I’m not a fraud, but I am a thief. The pay me $18 million and I can barely make a layup. Also, I’m a 6’9 center who averages 3.1 rebounds per game and has no chance defending a halfway-decent big man.”

Dwyane Wade: “Fall down seven times, stand up eight. And after you stand up that eighth time, make sure you surround yourself with superstars who make you play worse.”

Bosh: “Are you calling me a superstar?”

Wade: “Ah, right. I meant ‘surround yourself with a superstar’ — singular — ‘who makes you play worse.”

Bosh: “Alright, that’s more like it.”

Lebron: “What should I do, Dwyane? Should I shoulder-bump Erik Spoelstra? Should I call Mo Williams and tell him I’m sorry? Should I be who you want me to be?”

Carlos Arroyo: “What are you guys all upset about? This season’s going perfectly. I’m shooting 61.9 [bleeping] percent from three-point range!”

Udonis Haslem: “Oh, Carlos.You clowns are a whole bunch of studio gangsters.”

Eddie House (giving himself the middle finger): “I told everyone before the season, middle finger to all the haters. And I’m a hater — I HATE playing with you bums.”

Erick Dampier: “Never fear, Erick Dampier is here! I am your savior!”

Lebron: “Ericka, we’re only speaking the truth in this meeting.”

Dampier: “Oh. Well, in that case, at least I’m better than Joel Anthony.”

Anthony: “Touche.”

Lebron: “What should we do? Should we fire Spoelstra? Should we beg Riley to return to the bench? Should we just clear the deck and start over? What should we do?”

Haslem: “I vote fire Spoelstra.”

Wade: “Yeah, me too.”

Team (in chorus, except Zydrunas Ilgauskas, who remains quiet): “Fi-re Spoel-stra! Fi-re Spoel-stra! Fi-re Spoel-stra!”

Lebron: “Big Z, what’s wrong? Do you actually want Spoelstra to stay?”

Ilgauskas: “God no! Who would want that? I’m just worried by a comparison I’ve heard a lot recently. I don’t look like Voldemort from Harry Potter, do I?”

[Team remains quiet]

Ilgauskas: “Guys?”

[Silence remains]

Ilgauskas: “GUYS?”

Wade: “So, umm, we’ve decided to fire Spoelstra. We’re making progress. The next step: learning how to play together.”

Lebron: “I don’t want to play with you anymore. Playing with you is like playing getting the kiss of death from a dementor. It just sucks the life right out of me. I miss Anderson Varejao and Anthony Parker, and Mo Williams. And I don’t want to be a point guard. And I don’t want to be a power forward. And I don’t want to play 44 minutes against the Boston Celtics. I just want to laugh and have fun. Is that too much to ask for?”

Bosh: “Yeah, this isn’t what I bargained for either. [Bosh pauses, thinking about what the season was supposed to bring.] Maybe I should have stayed in Toronto.”

Wade: “Yeah, that would have been better. Then we could have picked up Carlos Boozer, or kept Michael Beasley, or actually signed a point guard who’s worth a damn.”

Arroyo: “But I’m shooting 61.9% from threes!”

Wade: “File one under ‘fluke’.”

Mario Chalmers: “I’m not half bad, Dwyane.”

Wade: “No offense, Mario, but this is for players only.”

Lebron: “What should we do? Should we remind you we’ve never done this before? Should we pretend we still have confidence in each other? Should we tell you we don’t deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as the 1996 Bulls? Hi, Mike. [Lebron winks, eats a Ballpark Frank.] What should we do?”

Wade: “We should hope Pat Riley has answers.”

Udonis Haslem: “No, guys. I’ve got a better idea. Voldemo– I mean, Zydrunas: We need the elder wand.”

Wow. Amazing. Someody mashed up the new Lebron James commercial with this Michael Jordan commercial and came up with this:

There’s a little rivalry brewing, eh? Of course, a rivalry has to consist of two mostly equal teams. I suspect that part will come, sooner rather than later.

The reasons for the rivalry, I think, are clear. The Celtics resent the focus everyone has paid to the Heat. They hated that the Heat were the near-unanimous preseason choice to win the Eastern Conference, and they felt especially disrespected when the media began calling the Heat “The Big Three.” The C’s spent the summer saying they could care less about Miami’s new-look roster, but let’s not get it twisted: they care. A lot. And they want blood.

After last night’s game, Paul Pierce tweeted, “It’s been a pleasure to bring my talents to south beach now on to Memphis.” Shot fired. Shot connected. Lebron, suck it.

But the postgame bullets weren’t done. Udonis Haslem shot back today.

“Paul who?” Haslem told reporters at Friday’s afternoon practice, according to Michael Wallace of ESPN’s The Heat Index. “Man, ain’t nobody paying them dudes no attention, man. You know what studio gangster is? Look up that, look up the definition of studio gangster. I’m here to play basketball. First of all, I don’t tweet. So I wouldn’t know what he tweeted if you guys didn’t tell me.”

Studio gangster, in case you were wondering, means a fake tough guy. My initial response? A knock-knock joke:

Me: Knock-knock.

Haslem: Who’s there?

Me: Paul.

Haslem: Paul who?

Me: Paul who dropped 25 points on your team last night and knocked your ass out of last year’s playoffs.

My second response? I kind of like what Haslem said. If anybody else on the Heat had said it, it would have been different. I would have told them to fight their battles on the court, not off it. But Haslem’s as tough as nails. He’s one of the few Heat players I know will never back down from any challenge. And he’s letting the Celtics know: it’s not always going to be as easy as it was last night. We’re coming after you, and we aren’t afraid of you.

Haslem’s also sending a message to his own teammates: fuck the Celtics. We can be tough guys, too. We can’t let them run all over us.

A rivalry, huh? This is fun. After last night’s game, the only Heat player any Celtic shook hands with was Eddie House. All I could think was one thing:

This is how basketball’s supposed to be.

I’m thinking about making this segment a regular day-after-game thing. Let me know how you like it.

There are so many plays from last night’s game I could have broken down joyfully. The play that resulted in a Ray Allen three-pointer — the one that was preceded by approximately 553 passes in the span of a single shot clock and resulted in me tweeting, “Holy ball movement Batman!” — was one prime candidate, but there were plenty others to choose from.

Frankly, the Celtics put on an offensive clinic. They scored 112 points on only 93 possessions (an astronomical 120.4 points per 100 possessions) against what had been the league’s top defense. (Not anymore, suckas.)

The C’s did a lot of beautiful things. Their offense was a pleasure to watch, with extra pass after extra pass bringing smiles to my face. Doc Rivers explained, “Tonight was the first night I thought we had complete trust in the next pass,” and that trust was evident throughout the entire game. But one play, which wasn’t even really a play at all but a secondary fast break, caught my eye more than any other.

7:11, first quarter – Carlos Arroyo missed a jumper from the left corner. Kevin Garnett rebounded the basketball, then threw an outlet pass to Rajon Rondo. Rondo dribbled down the left side of the court, but nobody was with him. He probed the defense, but there were no initial openings. Because he pushed the ball upcourt, though, Rondo and the Celtics were rewarded by a defense that didn’t have time to set up: the Heat were forced to switch.

Lebron James picked up Rondo in transition (no mismatch there), leaving Carlos Arroyo to defend Paul Pierce (huge mismatch there). Rondo bounced his dribble outside, offering space for him to work and a view to survey the court. He almost instantly noticed Pierce’s mismatch, which was easily evident. Rondo gave two little waves. The first was to Garnett, requesting Garnett to move to his left, which would gave Pierce space. The second wave was to Pierce, telling him to stay at the top of the key where he could operate.

Rondo then swung a pass to Garnett, who was in the process of giving Pierce space. Rondo’s intent was clear, even without words. He wanted Garnett to feed Pierce. Garnett did, of course, and Pierce had the ball in his sweet spot, just outside the free throw line, with a point guard defending him. Garnett spaced even farther away from Pierce, leaving Pierce on an island with Arroyo. Let’s call it Arroyo island. I don’t have stats on this, but to the naked eye Pierce seems like one of the league’s best at exploiting smaller defenders. He dribbled to his left, spun back to the middle of the floor and shot a 14-footer over the top of Arroyo. Money in the bank.

If you watched the play without an analytical eye, it would have seemed so simple. Pierce was the recipient of a mismatch and made an easy isolation move. Who cares?

But a lot of thought went into the simple play. Rondo’s role in orchestrating the bucket cannot be understated. He didn’t chalk up an assist when Pierce scored, but Rondo saw the mismatch and made sure Pierce was able to pick on Arroyo. The little things like that, rather than his obscene assist totals, are why Rondo’s start to this season so impressive.  They are also why Doc Rivers told Jackie MacMullan that “the trust [Rondo's teammates] have in him is unbelievable.”

Also not to be overlooked was the unselfishness that went into this play. Rondo didn’t care that he wouldn’t get an assist, and Garnett didn’t care that he was simply getting the fuck out of Pierce’s way. They both saw that Pierce had the best opportunity to score and had no qualms about moving aside so that could happen.

One play, very simple. But that’s only if you barely watched.