Ease your worries, Celtics fans. Take a deep breath, Doc Rivers. Put your whistle away, Joey Crawford.

Gary Washburn don’t lie. (Boston Globe)

The final sentence of Washburn’s Wallace segment is euphemistic gold:

“There will be interest in Wallace among title-contending teams with strong coaches, but it may take him the majority of the regular season to get back into playing shape.”

That’s an extremely nice way to put it.

The NBA negotiations have been like Paul Pierce’s favorite shot — two dribbles forward, one giant leap back — except the negotiations have been hanging in the air for quite a bit longer than Pierce.

Reporters briefed by sources on Wednesday’s negotiations could all agree: progress was made. But whether that progress is enough to stem the prevalent tide of instability remains to be seen. These labor discussions are like Rasheed Wallace — you never know when they might boil over and become completely irrational, all you know is they become irrational far more often than they should. And they almost became irrational yesterday. (NBA.com)

One source told NBA.com that the negotiations remain fragile. “It could blow up at any minute,” he said. “It almost blew up a couple of times [Wednesday], but it didn’t.”

(Here comes the putter toss … wait, he’s restrained himself!)

The players, should this week’s negotiations fail, are reportedly ready to drop two different nuclear bombs. A source told NBA.com the players are ready to move with a disclaimer of interest, and another source told Zach Lowe the players are also ready to file for decertification of the union. Both legal maneuvers could be done simultaneously, since a petition for decertification would take 45-60 days before going to a union-wide vote.

But those options will only move forward if the league does not reach a labor agreement this week. Somewhere in the middle of all the negotiating ruckus, all that fragility, progress was made. Both NBA.com and Adrian Wojnarowski reported there was progress made on three of the five key issues holding back a deal. (NBA.com)

There allegedly was even some progress on three of five issues cited Tuesday by the union as vital to their willingness to consider a 50-50 split (the players received 57 percent in the old CBA and had moved to a formal position of 52.5).

Much of the debate is over restrictions that would be imposed on free-spending teams above the luxury tax threshold, with the union striving to keep them in the marketplace for players and the owners hoping to direct free agents to other rosters.

The problem is, three out of five is equivalent to Dwight Howard’s free throw percentage. The league at least needs to shoot like Ray Allen.

One shot they’ll need to drain is the mid-level exception. Zach Lowe reports the league and union moved closer to an agreement regarding the exception, but cautioned there has been no agreement on the issue.

The league has softened its proposal to take the full mid-level exception from teams that pay the luxury tax and replace it with a miniature mid-level worth half as much, according to one source familiar with the matter. The union has fought against measures that would, in its view, make the luxury tax operate like a hard salary cap and remove the league’s biggest spenders from the free-agent market. The union has argued such measures would redistribute salary away from middle-class veterans and toward superstars, stifle freedom of movement and do little to create competitive balance among teams.

The mid-level exception is a crucial battleground, and the two sides aren’t close to an agreement there despite the league’s move to bat around a variety of potential compromises on Wednesday, per a source. But at least they are talking, and there is incremental progress — enough progress to at least justify another meeting Thursday at noon, according to Stern, union president Derek Fisher and union executive director Billy Hunter.

Can’t I just write about real basketball issues yet?

Rasheed Wallace takes us back to 2010 with two vintage defensive efforts, both of which ended with him (in the loosest terms possible) being dunked on by Austin Rivers.

“That first one was for my father, who had to coach your lazy, incompetent ass for an entire season,” I picture Rivers saying after the dunks. “And the second one was for me, because I had to watch you.”

If Glen Davis returns to the Boston Celtics next season, I will:

• pledge my support to the New York Yankees now and forever
• go for a 20-mile run on gravel, barefoot
• eat green beans and only green beans from this day forward, and…
• call the police to turn myself in for a crime I did not commit.

Davis’s ignorant comments yesterday (combined with his dismal final three months of the season) bought The Ticket Stub a one-way ticket out of Boston. To recap Davis’s remarks, he said (in different words) that A) the Celtics hindered his play last season, B) he doesn’t really stay in touch with Doc Rivers or Danny Ainge, C) Doc talks a lot, but Davis tries not to pay attention, and D) Glen wants to be Glen, and Glen wants to go somewhere Glen Davis can be Glen Davis. He used the third person approximately one zillion times, made himself look like an ass repeatedly, and did not once act as if he wanted to stay in Boston. Read more »

I already wrote a practice report for CelticsBlog, and I’m feeling too lazy to write another one. So click here to read my work.

In short, Kevin Garnett did not practice (and is doubtful for tomorrow night’s game vs. the Kings), Kendrick Perkins did practice (but didn’t compete in contact drills), Delonte West shot around, and Doc Rivers shot down the Rasheed Wallace rumor (Doc Rivers told CSNNE.com that “there has been no discussion” about bringing Sheed back to the scene of the crime).

For what it’s worth, Sheed’s agent also disputed the validity of “Sheed comeback” talk. (NBA Fanhouse)

“I don’t think that’s the case — for now anyway,” Strickland told FanHouse. “He has a period of time to where he may be thinking about it, but he has not given me any indication of his intent to return. … He’s still saying that for now he’s good, that he’s OK where he is.”

Stay home, Sheed. Please?

Look at that face. Doesn't he look like he's plotting something?

According to Stephen A. Smith, Rasheed Wallace plans to come out of retirement to rejoin the Celtics. Actually, according to Stephen A. Smith, I’m sure it was more like, RASHEED WALLACE PLANS TO COME OUT OF RETIREMENT TO REJOIN THE CELTICS!! (Sports Illustrated)

Smith said that the Celtics counter the Heat’s athleticism with “brute size” and Rasheed Wallace will come out of retirement to come back to the Celtics.

Smith said Wallace told him that’s the plan, because he wants another shot at the Lakers in the NBA Finals.

My first thought is to completely dismiss Smith’s latest bit of reporting. The Celtics already have three centers, and Perk (a.k.a. the fourth center) was cleared to practice this week. The Celtics do plan to counter the Heat’s athleticism with “brute size,” but they also (hopefully) plan to counter with “basketball players who still have pulses.” Sorry, but Rasheed Wallace doesn’t count as one of those. He’d also be the Celtics’ 16th player, when there are only 15 roster spots.

Likely, Sheed’s been sitting at his house, chilling. His gut’s probably the size of mine (which is no good, especially for a professional athlete), and I’m sure he’s just as likely to bomb ill-advised three-pointers as he was last year. We had enough of ‘Sheed after one season, right? Right???

But there’s a little part of me that’s saying, “It seemed improbable (impossible?) when Smith reported that Lebron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh were all going to end up in Miami, but (even though he somewhat backed off his original report) they did. Smith was right.”

Can he be right again? Just say no. Please.

A Sheed-Jermaine O’Neal combination would leave me in one of three places: A) in the hospital after a heart attack, B) in a grave after a very premature, heart attack-induced death, or C) in prison after a double homicide. That’s it. Those are the only three options.

Quite Frankly, I hope Stephen A. Smith is talking out of his ass. Retirement don’t lie?