(This Gaffney dunk was one of the few plays during the game that kept me from dozing off.)

I knew I was in for a bad night when I heard Rick Kamla’s voice.

Almost immediately, Kamla started salivating about Jrue Holiday’s swagger like Holiday was Michael Jordan or someone. A couple minutes later, Kamla tried to convince me you could tell Evan Turner was smooth just by listening to him speak. Kamla’s convincing speech might have worked… had I never heard Turner’s voice, which actually sounds like a 13-year old who just inhaled helium. Oh, Rick Kamla. Oh, NBA Summer League.

Oh, the ugliest first half I’ve ever seen. Would you believe me if I told you the Celtics were ahead 15-3 after about five minutes, then down 39-33 at half-time? Would you believe me if I told you the C’s shot less than 30% in the first half? Of course you would! It was the NBA summer league! Those aren’t All-Stars out there, after all. And they certainly didn’t play like they were, either – the game was was uglier than Tyrone Hill.

Here are my notes of the game I wish I hadn’t watched:

- It was the Tony Gaffney show early. First, he cut to the hoop for a bucket. Then he got fouled and hit the two free throws. He blocked a shot, drew a couples charges from Evan Turner, snagged five boards and hit a jumper from the corner. This wasn’t the same Tony Gaffney I saw yesterday, that’s for damn sure. And, oh yeah, he also had a vicious dunk after running the wing on a fast break. Kamla had this to say about Gaffney: “He’s like a spider out there. He’s very long, and he kind of multiplies out there on the court.” I wasn’t aware that spiders multiplied, Rick.

- Gaffney also did a great job defending Evan Turner. I can see the Human Spider becoming a solid role player down the line if he does one thing: Learn to hit the corner jumper. Think Bruce Bowen. There are a lot of guys who can D up, but the ones who succeed in the league can do at least one thing right offensively. As of now, Gaffney has no offensive game. Give him a reliable jumper, though, and he’d be a very valuable reserve.

- Gaffney also got injured at the end of the game. He told A. Sherrod Blakely it was a twisted left ankle. Gaffney should be okay.

- Luke Harangody doesn’t have runway looks and he doesn’t have a prototypical NBA body. He’s simply a basketball player and a competitor. Whether that translates to the NBA is a question for another day, but I get the feeling Harangody will always be able to produce offensively. He struggled against the length of Trent Plaisted and Mareese Speights at times today (and I suppose struggling against Trent Plaisted’s length is never a greatsign), but still put up 14 points and 12 boards. If Harangody can adjust defensively to guard some of the longer fours, he’ll find a spot in the league.

- I am falling in love with Jaycee Carroll’s game, little by little. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he’ll ever play in the NBA. He’s an unathletic 6’2″ shooting guard, and you won’t find too many of those in the Assocation. But he’s one crafty dude, and he can shoot. Somehow, someway, Jaycee Carroll continues to find space to get his shots off. I’m sorry if this is weird, but I have a small crush on his game.

- Oliver Lafayette was a letdown. I was about to write the excuse, “He was being defended by Jrue Holiday, so it’s excusable that he had a bad game,” then realized,Shit, Jrue Holiday was one of the NBA’s worst point guards last season. Lafayette struggled a little with Philadelphia’s fierce ball pressure, as did his backup Rodney Green. To be fair, even though he wasn’t anywhere close to amazing last season, Holiday is a big, strong, quick defender with all the tools to be a lockdown player in the NBA.

- Today was the first day of the Slava Kravtsov era, and if today was any indication, it will be a short-lived era. Kravtsov is a beast physically, but often seemed to have no idea what in the world he was doing. He did have a nice putback dunk, a block or two and a lefty hook shot in the lane, but Slava didn’t impress on me much.

- Steve Smith’s analysis of Harangody’s jumper: “It hurts watching it, but it goes in.” Yup, that sounds about right. It’s also a really gross “that’s what she said.”

- Kamla and Steve Smith brought up Chris Duhon during the fourth quarter. Kamla tried to say Duhon is one of the top backup PGs in the league. My thoughts? The Magic might as well have burned $15 million in a bonfire. Duhon played 31 minutes per game last season for an offensive mastermind and still put up only the following, miserable numbers: 37.3% FG, 7.4 ppg, 5.6 apg. Coincidentally, those numbers are exactly what John Hollinger projected I would average in 31 minutes in a Mike D’Antoni offense.

- Ryan Wittman only played a few minutes, but hit some tough shots. I’m pretty sure his passion bucket was filled to the brim.

- A day after outplaying Semih Erden and prompting a few C’s fans to ask why he wasn’t starting, Art Parakhouski drew the start. He was then pretty non-existent, scoring 5 points and pulling in only two rebounds. Erden sat out the game with a tweaked back.

- Rodney Green had as many turnovers (four) as he had points, rebounds and assists combined. I think it’s safe to say he isn’t the backup point guard we’ve been looking for.

- What can I say about Ryan Thompson and DeShawn Sims? Umm, a couple of times I actually noticed they were on the court.

- Matt Janning got a DNP-CD, I believe.  And I would bet my life a few spectators mistook him for the water boy. The Northeastern product still hasn’t had much of a chance to strut his stuff.

Box Score

The Celtics play again tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. Let’s hope tomorrow’s game is more enjoyable. Please. I’m begging. And that Rick Kamla isn’t the announcer.

Betchu didn't recognize Oliver Lafayette.

You know what’s the only thing worse than seeing your team lose a heart-wrenching Game 7 in the NBA Finals? (Just know, I contemplated jumping out the top-floor window as I wrote that sentence.) Having that heart-wrenching loss be the last basketball game you can watch for a while. Because, believe me, there’s nothing worse than baseball season. Watching web gems gets old after, oh, about half an episode of SportsCenter. And watching Lebron drive away from his latest meeting with a free agent suitor? Wake me some time around Halloween, please.

Or just wake me up for 5:00 p.m. tonight. Because while watching Vyacheslav Kortstov, Tony Gaffney, Semih Erden and Oliver Lafayette isn’t exactly the same as cheering for the Huge Cuatro, it’s basketball. And it’s the Celtics. And it gets my juices flowing, regardless of whether I actually recognize any of the players.

It may not be the same as watching Game 7, but at least I won’t need thirteen boxes of tissues if the C’s lose, ya know? And it’s basketball. Professional basketball. And it’s my Celtics, and a few players who could pay dividends either next year or down the road. So I’m excited as hell. I’ve had July 5 circled on my calendar since, well, since the excruciating happenings of June 17. (Hold on: Just slamming the mouse against my head, repeatedly. Okay, I’m back.)

Here’s the C’s summer league roster and a little description of each player:

Tony Gaffney – 6’8″ 215 lbs. (UMass)

A long, athletic hard-worker out of UMass. In college, Gaffney was a 6’8″ center known for punching shots into the 5th row. In the NBA, he’ll have to transition himself into a small forward because he’s too short and thin to play in the post. He has all the physical tools you’d want, but does he have the skill? We’ll see. Like every other guy on the roster, Gaffney is fighting for a contract.

Oliver Lafayette – 6’2″ 190 lbs. (Houston)

I have to admit, I had barely ever heard the name Oliver Lafayette before the Celtics surprised everyone and signed him as the season winded down. Then he made his first NBA action and looked every bit the part of NBA point guard. Last year, Lafayette might have been the first player ever to get cut from the D-League and then called up to the NBA in the same season. And the team that cut him? Lafayette dropped 32 on them later in the season. It hasn’t been confirmed, but I heard he winked at the coach every time he made a basket.

Luke Harangody – 6’8″ 255 lbs. (Notre Dame)

An absolute beast in college and one of the premier players in the Big East. Actually, one of the premier players in the entire country. The only problem? His physical gifts aren’t exactly what most scouts would describe as “gifts.” He’s short, can’t jump, and his feet don’t move laterally like they’re supposed to. Oh yeah, and he has a wingspan that not even Jay Bilas would want to talk about. So can Harangody overcome all that? Can his skill still shine through, even against the best athletes in the world? I wouldn’t bet my life on it. But at least he has Danny Ainge’s solid track record on his side.

Semih Erden – 7’0″ 240 lbs. (Turkey)

His numbers have been far from outstanding in the Turkish League, but the C’s 2008 draft pick DID start for a championship team last season. Still, I’m not so sure I want the best thing I can say about a Celtic to be, “Well, he DID start for the Turkish League champion!” Erden has some tools, but he’s got a long way to go before he’ll become a contributor.

Art Parkahouski – 6’11″ 260 lbs. (Radford)

According to Sports Illustrated, Parkahouski has one goal: “to become the first Belarusian to play in the NBA.” I wouldn’t hold your breath, Art. Then again, maybe he actually has a chance. Parkahouski put up some pretty serious stats last season, averaging 21.4 points and 13.4 rebounds. The drawback? He played at Radford, so those stats were accumulated mostly against players giving up three or four inches to the Belarusian Beast. Bottom line? When you’re 6’11,” 260 pounds and averaged 21/13 in college, there’s probably a pretty good reason why you weren’t drafted.

Rodney Green – 6’5″ 190 lbs. La Salle

A 6’5″ point guard with very good athleticism. Sounds great, right? Until you realize his point guard skills aren’t what they should be, he was hardly an efficient player in college, and he’ll probably play shooting guard in the NBA. If Green can show point guard skills, he’ll have a chance of making the Celtics roster. But it’s a big if, considering he spent his entire college career playing PG and still didn’t demonstrate the skills necessary to run an NBA offense.

Matt Janning – 6’4″ 198 lbs. (Northeastern)

Janning’s a great story: The Northeastern grad chosen to play for the Boston Celtics summer league team. But Janning doesn’t even have a Draft Express profile. I think that should tell us something.

Ryan Thompson – 6’6″ 220 lbs. (Rider)

I’d much rather have his brother, Jason. Still, Ryan had a tremendous Portsmouth Invitational (an invitation-only draft camp for seniors), leading the camp in scoring and shooting an obscene 64.3% from behind the arc. I’d be a little skeptical of his great performance in Portsmouth, though: He was only a 32% three-point shooter in college, while shooting from a shorter arc. Thompson has a well-rounded skill set but doesn’t have one skill that stands out. Plus, he’s only an average athlete.

Ryan Wittman – 6’7″ 215 lbs. (Cornell)

A sweet shooter from Cornell. Can really fill it up, and is a super-smart player. For those of you who remember the old Stanford teams, he kind of reminds me of Casey Jacobsen. Of course, that might just be because they’re both white shooters. Wittman is a step slow for NBA purposes, but can certainly put the ball in the hole.

Vyacheslav Kravtsov – 7’0″ 270 lbs. (Ukraine)

Maybe the most intriguing of all Celtics summer league prospects. I wrote a piece about the seven-foot Ukrainian yesterday, so check it out. I’m excited for the Ukraine Train era.

Jaycee Carroll – 6’2″ 180 lbs. (Utah St.)

It’s a damn shame Jaycee Carroll is only 6’2″ tall and not overly athletic: If he were any taller or any more explosive, Carroll would be one of the NBA’s top shooters. As it is, Carroll has had to settle for being one of the ACB’s best scoring threats. (For those of you who don’t know, the ACB is an extremely competitive professional league in Spain.) Though his size and speed limit his potential impact in the NBA, Carroll can score buckets rolling out of bed.

DeShawn Sims – 6’8″ 225 lbs. (Michigan)

Pretty skilled, decently athletic, solid numbers last season. Sounds a lot like “D-League” or “overseas” to me.

P.S. – Don’t be surprised if Boston gets smacked tonight. The Oklahoma City Thunder are led by James Harden, Eric Maynor and Serge Ibaka — three legitimate NBA rotation players. With the Celtics having absolutely zero rotation players, this one could be a bloodbath. Then again, the Celtics could win by 40. But that’s not what this is all about: It’s summer league, people, so enjoy the action, judge some talent, and relax.

CelticsBlog put together a list of players who will be on the C’s summer league roster. Luke Harangody will also be included, though Avery Bradley will miss the summer league due to ankle surgery. (Via Ridiculous Upside)

DeShawn Sims - Another undrafted player out of Michigan, but it wasn’t because of lack of production in the Big Ten.  Sims averaged 16.8 points and 7.6 boards as a tweener.  Sims will play for the Celtics in Orlando.

Ryan Thompson – You know what I know about Thompson? He’s Jason Thompson’s brother.  And after averaging 15+ points and 5+ boards the past three seasons at Rider, you’d think that’d be enough.  He’ll play with his brother on the Sacramento Kings Summer League team and for the Boston Celtics in Orlando.

Artsiom Parakhouski - The 7-footer out of Radford had a lot of good buzz around him, but I guess the NBA wasn’t interested in big men that seem to have reached their potential.  Parakhouski will play for Boston in Orlando.

Rodney Green - The LaSalle guard will play for the Boston Celtics in Orlando.

I’m not gonna lie, I know next to nothing about any of these guys. I wouldn’t mind seeing Manny Harris or Brian Zoubek on the team either. According to Ridiculous Upside, neither has finalized a Summer League team.