If you’re lucky, you don’t remember how the Celtics began yesterday’s game. I knew, after only two possessions, the Celtics hadn’t “brought it.”

The first possession resulted in a lob pass from Paul Pierce, intended to hit Kevin Garnett. Instead, the play ended in a turnover and a Nate Robinson-sized lump on the back of Garnett’s head. Not exactly a perfect start, but I promise: things got worse.

The next possession was undoubtedly the worst in the history of Western Civilization. I, of course, say the previous sentence in the voice of Bill Walton. It started with Rajon Rondo dribbling at the top of the key. Rondo pounded the ball into the floor, and kept pounding, and kept pounding. He almost put a hole in the damn court.

But it wasn’t his fault. His teammates weren’t moving. Actually, that’s not fair — they were moving. There just wasn’t much of a purpose to any of the movement. Ray Allen looked dazed as he ran around screens. Actually, I can’t really call them screens, because the C’s who were standing still never once came into contact with Allen’s defender. Eighteen seconds after Rondo started creating a crater in the court, he realized the play was destined to fail. With no other options to speak of, Rondo launched a 25-foot bomb. As you could probably guess, it missed.

“Tonight, we disrespected the basketball gods,” Shaq, the only Celtic who gave a damn from the opening tipoff, told ESPN Boston.

“The basketball gods punished us today,” repeated Glen Davis.

“The basketball gods were not going to let you win with the way you approached the game,” echoed Doc Rivers. He later added, “The basketball gods — you play like crap, you play with that energy, and they’ll give you a couple bad 3s. I think [the Celtics] had one, maybe two of them. They deserved it.”

Okay, Celtics, we get it. The basketball gods weren’t happy with the way you approached last night’s game. We know.

But it almost seems like the C’s have a point. There was one play especially when I thought, “Yuck. It’s just not the Celtics’ night.”

You know what play I’m talking about. Rondo had finally ratcheted up his defense on Russell Westbrook, and poked the ball away from him two separate times. The second time, the ball squirted out. Right into the hands of Royal Ivey, who banked home a 25-footer. Yes, Royal Ivey — he of the 3.6 career scoring average.

Oh, and in case you forgot, the basketball gods didn’t want the Celtics to win that game.

“Seemed like the whole game we were seaching for a challenge,” Delonte West told WEEI. “It was almost like in the third quarter we were like, ‘Ok, down 10. Let’s go.’ Basketball gods don’t reward you like that.”

No, they don’t. But enough about the basketball gods. The only basketball god I saw last night was named Russell Westbrook.