(When I say “Tall Black freak,” I mean that in the most respectful way possible.)

Since I’m the biggest basketball nerd you’ll ever (never?) meet but somehow don’t have NBA TV, I sat at my computer this afternoon to watch Spain play the New Zealand Tall Blacks. My computer doesn’t have any speakers, so I had some earphones in, my shirt off, some plaid shorts on and my rapidly-growing belly hanging out. I was also eating a bag of peanut M&Ms. It would have made an attractive picture, really. Any girl would have been lucky to have me right then.

But anyway, out of nowhere, some athletic freak named Thomas Abercrombie started balling out for New Zealand. Just dunking everything. He caught an alley-oop in the vicinity of Marc Gasol, then dunked near Fran Vazquez, and later had a nice and-one after bouncing off Rudy Fernandez. And that was all in the first half. He finished the game with 19 points, each one seemingly more exciting than the last.

I don’t think Abercrombie’s terrific play is a normal thing, mostly because of three facts: 1) the announcer (an annoying, over-exaggerating bloke) seemed mighty surprised by Abercrombie’s output,  2) Abercrombie only scored 7 points in New Zealand’s first game, and 3) in 2007-2008 Abercrombie played for Washington State University, averaging only 1.2 points per game. But he DID average 21.0 points per game for the Waikato Pistons of the New Zealand National Basketball League, so maybe he’s gotten infinitely better since bumming it for WSU. Even if Abercrombie still isn’t a great player, he’s got at least one thing going for him in the eyes of NBA scouts: the 23-year old can sky.

Anyway, the above dunk (which is from approximately a year ago) is sick and I’ve now put Abercrombie on my 40,000-person list of players who could have won last season’s dunk contest.

Click the jump to see one of two alley-oops from Ricky Rubio to Rudy Fernandez.

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Looking good, Rudy.

I’m starting to hate the Rudy Fernandez watch. I really am. I feel obligated to report all the news regarding his situation, but nothing too new has come out in years. Today I have to report that the Blazers are still attempting to trade him and won’t even consider releasing him, although I feel like both of those “news” items have been common knowledge for weeks. (Blazer’s Edge)

Are you still looking into trades for Rudy Fernandez?

“I’ve talked to a lot of teams. I don’t want to get into specific trade talks. The whole Rudy issue is out there so I will speak to it a little bit. I have been active in talking to a lot of teams.”

The process with Rudy has turned a little ugly, hasn’t it? 

“Well, I have been in the league since 1995 and I’ve been in situations where other players have wanted out. This isn’t the first time this has happened and it probably won’t be the last time. I’ve been in these types of situation before. This one is very vocal unfortunately and hopefully it won’t be as vocal going forward.” 

Does a situation like this make it difficult to work with an agent regarding other players in the future?

“It certainly doesn’t help. You try to look at each transaction or each incident by itself and each negotiation by itself and then move forward. It’s a business so you try to isolate it and move forward. Start with a clean slate with the next player.”

Would you consider releasing Rudy Fernandez’s rights?

“We won’t release his rights.”

Not even an option?

“No, that’s not an option right now.”

At this point, I don’t really care whether Rudy comes to the Celtics or not. I just want the goddamn Rudy watch to be done with. It’s starting to feel like the Matt freaking Barnes watch. And you guys know how that one ended.

Rudy isn’t good enough to hijack the news like this. He’s slated to be a 10th or 11th man in Portland. He can’t really create a shot and “defense” isn’t exactly in his vocabulary. Rudy would help the Celtics, don’t get me wrong, but he has really looked like a huge ass this summer and I’m not sure he’s any better than Von Wafer.

Danny Ainge admitted to being in trade discussions for a wing, and specifically a shooter. None of the discussions regard imminent deals, but Rudy Fernandez and Larry Hughes could still be possibilities. (Boston Globe)

One roster spot is still available, and everyone from Danny Ainge to Doc Rivers to back-seat general manager Paul Pierce has said that the Celtics need another piece — specifically, a shooter.

With reports circling about interest in fiery if disgruntled Portland guard Rudy Fernandez, Ainge acknowledged that he was pursuing trade options, though he wasn’t sure a deal would fall in place.

“We’re just continuing to explore available players and trade possibilities and see what sort of options are there,’’ said the Celtics president. “There are some trade discussions that we’re having. I don’t know the likelihood of those happening, but we’ll continue to not rush into something unless it’s something that we’re really excited about.’’ [...]

Journeyman free agent Larry Hughes has also popped up on the Celtics’ radar. He has played for four teams in the past four seasons.

Every time I see “Larry Hughes” and “the Celtics” in the same sentence, I age at least five years. I’m not even kidding.

It’s reassuring to see that Ainge understands the team isn’t complete, though. The Celtics need another wing, insurance for Marquis Daniels and Von Wafer. Because Daniels could always lay another goose egg and is also likely to get injured, while Wafer may actually as big a headcase as some fans (read: I) fear. Fernandez would be a nice addition, Hughes wouldn’t be, and I’m sure there are other options (Xavier Henry, please?) that aren’t mentioned in this report. Find us something, Danny. Turn water into wine, son.

(I love it when bad things happen to the Gasol brothers.)

Kevin Durant blocked two last-ditch Rudy Fernandez three pointers as time expired and Team USA held on for a thrilling, 86-85 victory against Spain.

I would discuss how Rajon Rondo played but, well, he didn’t exactly play. Rondo pulled the DNP, joining Danny Granger and the injured Kevin Love as the only USA players not to play a single second.

Why? Who knows. Maybe he’s a little banged-up. Maybe Coach K was disgusted by Rondo’s bad performance the other day. Maybe Coach K just wanted to give the bubble guys more of a chance to play. Maybe Rondo’s even on the bubble himself.

I doubt Rondo was being saved as a secret weapon for the next time USA runs into Spain. If he was, why were he and Granger the only healthy players not to get in? That just doesn’t make sense to me.

P.S. – Rudy Fernandez looked pretty bad. Too much complaining this summer and not enough practicing, it looks like.

P.P.S. – Ricky Rubio is the real deal. I was so excited by a few plays he made that my 12-year old brother looked at me and said, “I think you’re homo for Rubio or something.” I don’t think I’m actually homo for Rubio, but I definitely have a man crush on his basketball game.

Not that this should shock anyone, but the Celtics’ offer for Rudy Fernandez was a first round draft pick. If I’m reading this right, that offer is still on the table. (ESPN)

I mentioned this in my report yesterday on the feud/pending divorce between Rudy Fernandez and the Portland Trail Blazers, but it belongs in the lead paragraph for this site: The Knicks are among the teams trying to acquire the Spanish shooting guard, and they have offered Wilson Chandler.

Other offers on the table include the Boston Celtics and Chicago Bulls each offering a No. 1 draft pick in 2011, a league source told ESPN.com.

But after the Blazers turned down several offers of first-round picks in the teens on draft night when the team was still being run by former general manager Kevin Pritchard, they are looking to see if they can get a similar offer from a team they believe will finish in the middle of the pack next season.

It looks to me like the Blazers are still determined to trade Fernandez, Europe demands be damned. If so, they’d have to take Chicago’s offer for a first rounder ahead of the Celtics’, no? That would only make sense. Wilson Chandler is a pretty intriguing offer too, even though he smoked a little ganja this offseason. If these offers are correct, I’d have to say the Celtics’ chance of acquiring Rudy is slim, at best. Which is okay, because I’ve moved on. I’m now fully aboard the Xavier Henry train. Danny, if you’re reading, you’ve gotta make a run at the X Man. Please.

Before Rudy Fernandez informed his agent Andy Miller “that he is prepared to be suspended by the Blazers and forfeit the final two years of his contract in order to return to Europe and play in his homeland of Spain in 2012,” the Celtics made an offer for the soon-to-be third-year wing. (The Oregonian)

Miller said new Blazers general manager Rich Cho has “overreached” in his attempt to trade Fernandez, turning down offers from Chicago, New York and Boston, leaving Miller and Fernandez with no option other than to hold firm that the former first-round pick will not report.

“All I can do now is stand on the roof top and scream ‘He’s not coming!’,” Miller said. “He’s just not coming back … I’ve made that clear.”

Cho said he has made offers, counteroffers and talked about package deals with teams, but has yet to find a scenario that makes sense for the Blazers.

“I’m not going to be pressured into making a deal,” Cho said. “I’m not going to make a trade just to make a trade. It has to be the right deal for the team.”

I don’t know about you, but this all sounds like posturing to me. If Rudy really wanted to return to Europe and never play in the NBA again, he never would have asked for a trade in the first place. Am I wrong? I wouldn’t be surprised if this is all a part of Miller’s plan to force Portland into a trade. After all, Cho has gone on record to say that the Blazers will not release Rudy and allow him to return to Europe. They “value him as an asset” too much.

Anyway, Miller then continued to make Fernandez sound like an asshole. “”He’s not going to want to practice, he’s not going to want to be around his teammates,” Miller said. “I mean, if they thought he was difficult when he was contributing, imagine how difficult he will be when he is not.”

(Video of Fernandez’s exit interview with Portland. We get it, bro. You’ve got a contract. But that’s not stopping you anymore, is it?)