Shaq will survive. In the second quarter, Shaq went down with a calf strain that Doc Rivers later called “very minor.” It looked worse than that, mostly because Shaq reacted like he got shot in the leg, but the team swears the injury was not very severe. And the Celtics never lie about injuries.

(Thinks back to Kevin Garnett’s, umm, “strained muscle behind his knee“—ahem, ahem—in ’09. Thinks about Jermaine O’Neal being listed as “day-to-day” in January, then having surgery for the same injury. Thinks about Shaq being one week away for the past two months. Thinks about not knowing there was fluid squirting out of Paul Pierce’s knee last season. Hmm.)

Okay, so maybe they have lied about injuries in the past. I’m not saying they are now. So let’s say Shaq is fine, like they believe. Let’s say he’ll recover from this calf injury in a week or less. Let’s say he’s able to play in Boston’s first playoff game. Tonight STILL showed everything that’s wrong with relying on Shaq in the playoffs. He returned to the court and was injured within six minutes. I repeat: he couldn’t last more than six minutes! (I’m fighting off a “that’s five and a half minutes longer than Rick Pitino lasted with that Karen Sypher chick” joke, but I wouldn’t want to take an unnecessary jab at Pitino. Okay, yes I would. That’s five and a half longer than Rick Pitino lasted with that Karen Sypher chick. Dirk Diggler is not walking through that door.)

When you have a foot injury, you’re the NBA’s oldest player and you weigh 340 pounds, it’s tough to get back into shape. And when you have no time to get back into shape, and you’re just tossed into the lineup to improve conditioning on the fly, injuries happen. Shaq’s body has not been reliable for years, and now the Celtics need him to come off a two month layoff and play serious minutes despite a nagging (and apparently somewhat serious) foot injury. That sounds a lot like praying for rain when you’re in a desert. Sure, maybe it’ll happen. But the odds aren’t good.

Switching gears. There was also a game played, which reminds me: beating the Pistons is like having sex with your wife of 15 years (not that I have a wife of 15 years; I’m just guessing here). It’s nice when it happens, but it’s kind of boring and (at least for the lucky guys whose wives of 15 years still put out routinely) expected. You’d rather have it then not have it, but it’s not likely to be anything earth-shattering. There might be a couple highlights, like when Jeff Green threw down a monstrous alley oop from Delonte West or your wife did something pretty cool, but for the most part it’s mundane and uninspiring.

“Honey, could you please take your pants off?”

“Sure, no problem.”

“Thanks. This is great, by the way.”

“Then why’d you stop, darling?”

“Oh. I finished.”

“I see. Well, it was terrific anyway. Goodnight, then.”

“You too, dear.”

Nineteen turnovers, 64.1% shooting, one Shaq injury, 14 Rondo assists, 23 Garnett points and one marvelously Delonte West-ish performance from Delonte West later, the missionary sex—err, I mean the game—was over. (Note: Just to clarify, I’m not sure why I made two separate sexual metaphors tonight.) The Celtics played well enough, save the turnovers, and getting a win is always nice. But this win would have been a lot more satisfying if Shaq had stayed healthy. Especially considering how helpful he looked during his brief stint on the court.

Instead of raving about Shaq’s successful return, I’m left staring the latest warning sign in the face—maybe relying on a 39-year old with a history of injuries isn’t the best plan of action after all. Oh, well. At least it’s a minor strain. We’ll (probably?) see Shaq again. Hopefully next time, his return will last longer than six minutes.

To all those who believe Shaq could have returned a long time ago if he wanted to, I offer you this: Shaq received a cortisone shot in his right foot on Tuesday, and is back in a walking boot. He could still return next week, reports Chris Forsberg, although that’s what the team has maintained for the past month. (ESPN Boston)

O’Neal traveled with the team on a recently completed three-game road trip with the goal of participating in walkthrough activities as he ramped up toward game action. But the foot that has been prone to flare-ups did so again, forcing the team to aggressively attack with the injection.

A source told ESPN Boston on Wednesday that O’Neal would hopefully be back on the floor by April 1, allowing him two weeks before the end of the regular season to shake rust and get acclimated with his teammates again.

No, Shaq’s not healthy. No, he’s not just resting his 39-year old body for the playoffs. No, he’s not just chilling at home, waiting until games mean something. He’s dealing with a real foot injury, one which hasn’t gotten much (any?) better after all his time off.

I’m starting to think Jermaine O’Neal will return before Shaq does. And I promise, I never thought I’d write the previous sentence. Now, we must ask ourselves: How much can the Celtics reasonably expect out of the two injured O’Neals? And can they win a title if neither of them operate anywhere near full strength?

Will this all come down to Shaq? Is he the key to Boston’s playoff success? To their title hopes? To their interior physicality? To enforcing the “no layup rule” Kendrick Perkins has already brought with him to Oklahoma City? To defending Dwight Howard, Andrew Bynum, and Joakim Noah? Is anybody else petrified of this possibility?

“It’s a good question, and I don’t know the answer,” Rivers said of whether his team can bring back the Perkins element to their game without the big guy, himself. “I really don’t. We don’t have Shaq (O’Neal) yet. We get that when he’s on the floor. But we don’t have him or (Jermaine O’Neal). Perk is a menacing-looking dude. Last night he was tossing bodies left to right. It was awesome. That’s just who Perk is.”

Nenad Krstic started his Celtics career like Perk would hardly be missed. After one game early in the Krstic era, my buddy (who’s actually quite knowledgeable about all things basketball) texted me, “I’m not overreacting, I swear. But isn’t Krstic a poor man’s Kevin McHale, only if McHale looked like a seven-foot Luigi (editor’s note: from Mario Bros.)?” Yes, definitely!… if by poor man’s Kevin McHale, you mean “please, don’t ever let me insult Kevin McHale like this again.”

In reality, Krstic is what we thought he was—a tall, mustached, talented offensive player who lacks the physical edge to intimidate anyone, or even to stop most opponents from scoring. Krstic has played 13 games for the Celtics. In that time, I can remember him allowing quite a few dunks. But I don’t remember a single time he gave a hard foul. Not once. Maybe I’m forgetting something, maybe not. The point is, Krstic doesn’t provide the type of interior toughness the Celtics will need come playoff time—with Krstic in the starting lineup, the lineup allows more points per possession than with any other center. Krstic can still help, because he can play. But I don’t feel comfortable with Krstic playing starter’s minutes.

Maybe I’m worrying too much about Krstic. As Doc Rivers has repeatedly shown this season, Glen Davis will finish most games. And Davis will play defense. The Celtics’ defense is actually significantly better when Davis (rather than Krstic, Perkins or Shaq) joins the Fab Four. Davis will throw his 300-pound body around, he’ll take charges, and he’ll provide the type of presence Krstic won’t (can’t?). He has even shown he can do a nice job on Dwight Howard, using his low center of gravity (that’s a euphemism for, “He’s fat, guys”) to force Howard into tough shots. But if the C’s play the Lakers (who are suddenly steam-rolling their way through the NBA), Davis’ lack of length could prove troublesome. Which is why the Celtics could need Shaq.

Unfortunately, Shaq hasn’t played since the day before Groundhog’s Day, and has only played 36 games this season. He was initially out “day-to-day”, but that turned into “he’ll be back in a week,” which turned into “he’ll be back in another week,” which turned into “just one more week, guys,” which turned into “he’s out indefinitely,” which has now turned into “he might return tonight, but really, we have no flipping idea.”

Initially, nobody seemed concerned. When asked about Shaq’s injury shortly after February 1, Doc laughed. “He’s old,” he said. Now, Doc’s tune has changed. “Obviously,” he said two days ago, “the clock is ticking with Shaq and J.O.”

Shaq himself admitted to some trepidation. “You get nervous? Yeah, a little bit,” he said. Though calling his return “real close” and saying he would return this season no matter what, Shaq added a qualifier: “even if I have to shoot it up.” I don’t know about you guys, but the words “even if I have to shoot it up” don’t exactly sound reassuring.

Anything less than an NBA championship this year would be a failure. And even though Glen Davis is Boston’s Stone Cold Stunner—err, their finisher—I still wonder whether Shaq’s health is essential; and the possibility that it is scares me far more than Paranormal Activity 2 did.

Pray for health, I guess.

Let’s pretend Shaq’s really not hurt. Let’s pretend, as Gerry Callahan insists, he’s simply “the most accomplished actor in NBA history” and “pacing himself, picking his spots and giving himself the best chance to be ready for the playoffs.” Let’s pretend there are 17 games left in the regular season and Shaq does not have any intentions of getting into game shape by the playoffs, so he’s sitting games out for now.

Can you just please tell me why?

“Last night at New Jersey didn’t matter,” wrote Callahan. Ah, right. I forgot. It’s not like the Celtics fell into a tie with the Chicago Bulls after last night’s defeat. It’s not like the Bulls have a cupcake schedule the rest of the season, and now have the inside track on the number one seed. It’s not like the Bulls scare the living bejesus out of any Celtic fan who knows basketball. It’s not like Chicago’s home record is 29-4. Hold on. Yes, they did, or yes, they are, or yes, they do. On all accounts.

“This team has nothing to prove until the playoffs,” wrote Callahan, which is actually true, no sarcasm involved this time. But they do have something to earn — a number one seed, home-court advantage at least until the Finals, and the right to play Orlando (rather than Miami) in round two.

“The commissioner might not like it, but the Celtics should treat the next 17 games like practice,” wrote Callahan. Does he not realize the lack of home-court advantage killed Boston last season at the worst possible time? Does he not realize Boston bucked every trend in NBA history during last postseason, and that it’s unlikely to happen ever again? Does he not realize how dangerous the Eastern Conference could be, especially now that the Heat have regained their mojo?

Now, let’s talk about Shaq as if he might actually be injured — which makes at least a little sense, considering he has missed every game for the past month and change, and was spotted wearing a walking boot in Boston’s locker room on at least one occasion. If you were getting yourself ready for the playoffs (even if you were 39 years old and the size of a Redwood tree), wouldn’t you want to get yourself into game shape first? We’ve all seen how long Troy Murphy has taken to get himself back into game shape, after missing a month… and he’s a 30-year old who is entirely healthy. Granted, Shaq does not need the same mobility Murphy does, because he’s so freaking ginormous. But game shape doesn’t come quickly, even if you spend hours on the treadmill each day. Playing in an NBA game is different, as any player who has returned from injury will tell you.

So no, the Celtics should not treat the next 17 games like practice. No, I don’t believe Shaq is just resting himself for the playoffs. At this point of the season, with so little time left before the playoffs, that theory hardly makes sense. If he wanted to get ready for the playoffs, playing in games seems like the most reasonable route. No?

Even if he is sitting out simply to rest his legs (which is certainly possible; I don’t claim to know everything), don’t let Gerry Callahan — or anyone else — tell you these games mean nothing. The prospect of playing Miami and then Chicago was already scary enough, and now the Celtics might have to do it sans home-court advantage.

Shaq, whose return date was pushed back just yesterday, is now out indefinitely. The latest news on Shaq’s injured foot does not sound good. (CSNNE)

Now it’s to the point where the Celtics have no idea when the 7-foot-1 center, who turned 39 years old today, will return to action.

When asked about O’Neal and a likely return date, Celtics head coach Doc Rivers acknowledged he had no idea.

“He (O’Neal) worked out with us the other day,” Rivers said. “Some of the pain returned.”

Rivers spoke with Ed Lacerte, the team’s head trainer.

“Eddie just said don’t expect him anytime soon,” Rivers said.

In the report, A. Sherrod Blakely also noted, “Jermaine O’Neal (left knee surgery) is making progress, but there’s [no] telling when he’ll be back or how effective he’ll be upon returning to the court.”

Joy.

For the 19,056,345th time, the Boston Celtics have pushed back the date of Shaquille O’Neal’s return. (ESPN Boston)

“Shaq is probably not going to be back Wednesday, it looks like,” said Rivers. “His foot is bothering him again a little bit.”

When Danny Ainge traded Kendrick Perkins away, he gave a vote of confidence to Shaq’s health. Yet Shaq’s body refuses to respond to any treatment, and he has now missed a month straight (and, for the season, 24 of the C’s 60 games).

The Celtics can survive without Shaq during the regular season. But when size becomes magnified in the playoffs, Shaq’s presence would certainly help matters. As bad as the Orlando Magic have looked at times, the thought of Nenad Krstic defending Dwight Howard makes me want to cry.