Perk's happy face.

The scene seems eerily similar to my kindergarten class, where we sat in a circle and passed around what my teacher called “the conch.” If you held the conch, just a regular seashell, you were allowed to speak. If you didn’t have the conch, your silence was insisted upon. It was kind of like Lord of the Flies, except an adult was actually in charge, and I don’t think my teacher considered us savages when the conch was somebody else’s.

The 20-24 Phoenix Suns gathered at mid-court during yesterday’s practice, to discuss how to right their recent wrongs. Their defense has too often resembled a five-man fish net, with holes everywhere. Their rebounding, too often non-existent. Their offense, not enough to carry their obvious flaws. Never mind that those are natural side effects of a roster that combines twenty-five small forwards. These Suns are frustrated, and they want to fix this leak before it sinks the entire franchise.

“We had a good stretch and now we’re having a bad stretch and we’ve got to find a way to end this as quickly as possible,” Steve Nash told the Arizona Republic. “We’ve just got to come out, play hard and compete and give ourselves a chance to win. If we lose, we can sleep at night if we compete. I feel like there’s been moments where we’ve been caught thinking instead of fighting.”

Questioning his team’s fight, Nash sounds the alarm, pleading for change. But it’s difficult to imagine a team that starts both Channing Frye and Vince Carter ever being tough. The problem is personnel more than anything else. Carter is who we thought he was, a disinterested star who continues to underachieve despite natural physical gifts that make even Michael Jordan envious.

One recent Carter anecdote sheds more light on the unfulfilled promise of his career: Grant Hill, noted great guy and awesome teammate, questioned Carter’s diet and conditioning. “He eats one too many cookies on that plane,” said Hill during a radio interview. Carter has never been willing to take the extra step to corral the greatness that once seemed his destiny. He’s never been willing to cut that extra cookie out of his diet, or to cut hard on every play. Now 34 years old, Carter’s an old dog. And it’s tough to teach an old dog new tricks. To continue using cliches, it’s not the size of the athleticism in the player, it’s the size of the combination of athleticism and fight in the player. Err, or something like that. What I mean to say is, Carter’s never been known as a fighter. If you ever did have to make a fighter analogy with Carter, he’d be the one with a glass jaw.

Maybe Carter should take notes when playing against Kendrick Perkins tonight.

“(Perkin’s) is a really physical guy,” Marcin Gortat told SB Nation. “He’s a guy who will never let it go. I’m going to kind of compare him to a little dog. These little dogs, they will never let go. They’re so small, they just keep barking and just keep running around you. You’re going to keep throwing the little ball and they’re going to keep running and bring it back. He’ll grab to your leg and he’ll never let go. That’s how is Kendrick Perkins. He’ll never let go. He’ll keep fighting with you, he’ll keep pushing you, keep hitting you and at some point you’re going to go like, ‘damn dude, you don’t have enough?’”

“But honestly, that’s great,” Gortat continued. “That’s character and I really respect him for doing that. I always seen this guy battling Dwight (Howard)…I really respect his game and respect him as a player. Even though right now he’s my enemy because we play today, I’m happy he’s back on the floor. He’s a good player and I believe that he deserves to play because of his hard work and his heart.”

According to Gortat, Stan Van Gundy used to say the key to playing against a player like Perkins wasn’t strategy — the key was having balls. Some of Gortat’s teammates should find some. Carter’s, specifically, have been lost for quite some time.

It’s a shame, too, that these Suns lack fight. They are wasting the remarkable twilight of Nash’s career.

It must feel wonderful to be so optimistic.

Yesterday, Dime Magazine published an interview with Rodney Stuckey in which Stuckey was quoted as saying, “On paper, we are the best team in the League.”

Stuckey then explained why he held such a radical belief. “We are deep and athletic,” he said. “All we have to do is play to our abilities. We don’t have the biggest roster, but if we share the ball, we’ll be alright.”

By the way, Ben Wallace’s corpse figures to be Detroit’s starting center. I don’t know what world Stuckey’s living in, but I imagine these are his beliefs:

On paper, Vinny Del Negro is the NBA’s best coach

Stuckey: “Most people think there’s only one thing worse than Del Negro’s hair cut: his offensive sets. But I’ve got to be real with you, folks. Del Negro’s just two steps ahead of every other coach. He’s a visionary. Ten years down the road, when every coach’s playbook becomes marked by confusion and hysteria, remember when I told you there’s no better X’s and O’s coach than Vinny Del Negro. Once Del Negro’s players come to understand his confounding genius, he’ll be alright.”

On paper, JaMarcus Russell is the world’s greatest quarterback

Stuckey: “Never mind that Russell was recently cut, or that he admittedly used codeine, or that his passer rating might as well have been in the negatives. All he has to do is play to his abilities. Russell doesn’t have the smallest waist, but if he ever learns how to stay sober and throw the ball to his own teammates, he’ll be alright.”

On paper, Hassan Whiteside is frontrunner for Rookie of the Year

Stuckey: “Look, guys, I know Whiteside’s offensive game can best be described as ‘non-existent.’ I know even the slightest breeze would blow him over. I know the only thing longer than his arms is the length he needs to climb to become a halfway decent NBA player. Whiteside doesn’t have a clue how to play basketball, but if he ever learns how to put the ball in the basket, he could possibly be alright.”

On paper, Vince Carter is as tough as they come

Stuckey: “Carter gets a bad rap. He mailed in games while playing for Toronto, hasn’t hit a clutch shot in decades, wastes his talents, and could never lead a contender to a championship. But you know what? If I was going to war, Vince Carter would be the first guy I’d want by my side.” (Editor’s note: If I ever went to war with Vince Carter, I’d probably jump on a grenade just to get it over with quickly.)

On paper, the Los Angeles Clippers are the NBA’s greatest franchise

Stuckey: “The Clippers have never won a championship. They rarely ever make the playoffs. Every player they draft either gets perenially injured or sucks major ass. But you know what? People talk about them, all the time. Donald Sterling knows exactly what he’s doing. And things are looking up — they just hired Del Negro!”

On paper, Sam Cassell is gorgeous

Stuckey: “Say what you want to say about Sam. Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder.”

On paper, Michael Sweetney is thin

Stuckey: “Just kidding with this one, guys. Not even I can try to argue this.”

Every once in a while, I link to a few articles from other writers around the internet. You know, I throw some dimes.

1. Johnny Most still isn’t in the Hall of Fame. Talk about a travesty. Go sign the petition.
2. Danny Ainge discusses why he worked out so many more players, when the roster is already full. “We have to figure out, are the players that we have better than what’s available?” My favorite part of Ainge’s comments, though? His description of Adam Morrison: “He’s a good shooter and a great defender.” Yeah, and Vince Carter’s the toughest player of his era.
3. When Ainge called Morrison a great defender, maybe he was thinking about this.
4. The Celtics said they’d hold camp in Waltham, MA this year. Sike. They’re going back to Newport, Rhode Island.
5. Glen Davis is excited to play with fellow LSU boy Shaq.
6. Slam has a collection of Larry Bird videos. Check them out.

Got a tip? An article you think should be included? Send an email to jayking@celticstown.com or hit me up on Twitter @CelticsTown.

Every once in a while, I link to a few articles from other writers around the internet. You know, I throw some dimes.

1. Paul Pierce’s high school jersey will be retired. Congrats, Truth. I was actually watching Pierce lose to Vince Carter in the 1995 McDonald’s dunk contest. Coincidentally, that contest was also the last time Vince will ever beat Truth in anything meaningful.
2. Paul Flannery discusses Rondo leaving/getting cut from Team USA. Bill Simmons opines, “The single smartest thing Coach K did: dumping Rajon Rondo before the tournament started. This team could only succeed because of the “young/energetic/undersized athletes rallying around Durant and having good chemistry” dynamic and it wouldn’t have worked with Rose and Rondo (natural rivals) competing for minutes. Rondo was expendable for two reasons: can’t shoot from outside (neither can Rose), can’t shoot free throws (Rose can). And you didn’t need both. The good news: Every Rose/Rondo game is going to be A-W-E-S-O-M-E this season.”
3. For what it’s worth, Bill Simmons’ father likes Semih Erden. It’s probably worth nothing.
4. Brandon Jennings believes the Bucks will win the Central Division. After getting home from Turkey, I’m sure Derrick Rose will have a nice chuckle at that.
5. Why Team USA, despite winning gold, really was the “B team.” I agree with everything written about Team USA here.
6. Breaking news: People hate Lebron James. Almost as much as they hate Kobe.

Got a tip? An article you think should be included? Send an email to jayking@celticstown.com or hit me up on Twitter @CelticsTown.

These two guys are all heart. All heart.

Yes! The Celtics might still win next year’s championship after all! T-Mac is back on the market!

Despite preliminary interest from the Bulls, who were said to be close to offering T-Mac a contract, T-Mac failed to impress the Bulls brass when he met with them yesterday.

Despite an on-court audition for team officials Monday that one source said raised no significant concerns about his physical condition, McGrady apparently has not convinced the Bulls that he is willing to embrace a secondary role, which is one of two key prerequisites the two-time scoring champ must satisfy to secure a deal from Chicago.

One source close to the process told ESPN.com that the prospect of Chicago signing McGrady was downgraded to “unlikely” after the workout and interview, with the Bulls saying they wanted more time to consider other options. Another source confirmed that the post-workout meeting between McGrady and Bulls’ decision-makers did not clinch a deal, as McGrady had hoped.

Rule #1 of interviews with NBA teams: If a team wants to make sure you’ll play a bench role, don’t say what McGrady said when they ask you if you’d come off the bench.

“I won’t have a problem, but that’s not what I’m really shooting for,” McGrady said. “I think, yeah, if I was the player that I was in a Knicks uniform [at the end of last season], I would have no problem coming off the bench. But I’ve worked extremely hard and I’m far from being that player. Trust me.

“It’s up to me in training camp,” McGrady continued, “to prove I’m a starter.”

What a rookie. If I was T-Mac, I would have sweet-talked them. I would have told them I’d be willing to take whatever role possible, because I loved Chicago and desperately wanted to play alongside Derrick Rose. And then BAM, the second I inked my guaranteed contract I would have started complaining about not starting.

The truth is, T-Mac’s playing the game all wrong. And because of that, teams will have serious doubts about employing him.

Bill Simmons was on WEEI this morning and said Paul Pierce has been playing like Rasual Butler:

In ’08, Paul Pierce was the best guy on the floor. In 2010, he looks like a guy that is just old. I was watching him before the game and he looked like he was locked in. He was in that mode where he was clenching his fists and looking around at the crowd and looking like he was eating it up. I thought he was going to have a huge game and he came out and just started missing shots. Then Luke Walton came in and you think, “Oh, he’s going to torch Luke Walton.” No, didn’t torch him. So if he’s going to play like Rasual Butler, the Celtics have no chance.

The Luke Walton thing is what has me most concerned about Pierce. I mean, Pierce murdered Matt Barnes and Vince Carter last series; just absolutely torched them. And now he can’t even score with Luke Walton guarding him? Carter may not be a great defender but he’s better than Walton, right?

Pierce is the wild card right now. Nothing he’ll do tonight will surprise me. He could come out tonight, score 30, have 10 rebounds and put the Celtics on his back, and I wouldn’t blink an eye. Or he could again play like Rasual Butler and disappear for most of the game, and I’d still be completely unsurprised.

But if Pierce somehow stops playing like Rasual Butler and again starts to resemble the Truth? The Celtics will be tough to beat.