It must feel wonderful to be so optimistic.

Yesterday, Dime Magazine published an interview with Rodney Stuckey in which Stuckey was quoted as saying, “On paper, we are the best team in the League.”

Stuckey then explained why he held such a radical belief. “We are deep and athletic,” he said. “All we have to do is play to our abilities. We don’t have the biggest roster, but if we share the ball, we’ll be alright.”

By the way, Ben Wallace’s corpse figures to be Detroit’s starting center. I don’t know what world Stuckey’s living in, but I imagine these are his beliefs:

On paper, Vinny Del Negro is the NBA’s best coach

Stuckey: “Most people think there’s only one thing worse than Del Negro’s hair cut: his offensive sets. But I’ve got to be real with you, folks. Del Negro’s just two steps ahead of every other coach. He’s a visionary. Ten years down the road, when every coach’s playbook becomes marked by confusion and hysteria, remember when I told you there’s no better X’s and O’s coach than Vinny Del Negro. Once Del Negro’s players come to understand his confounding genius, he’ll be alright.”

On paper, JaMarcus Russell is the world’s greatest quarterback

Stuckey: “Never mind that Russell was recently cut, or that he admittedly used codeine, or that his passer rating might as well have been in the negatives. All he has to do is play to his abilities. Russell doesn’t have the smallest waist, but if he ever learns how to stay sober and throw the ball to his own teammates, he’ll be alright.”

On paper, Hassan Whiteside is frontrunner for Rookie of the Year

Stuckey: “Look, guys, I know Whiteside’s offensive game can best be described as ‘non-existent.’ I know even the slightest breeze would blow him over. I know the only thing longer than his arms is the length he needs to climb to become a halfway decent NBA player. Whiteside doesn’t have a clue how to play basketball, but if he ever learns how to put the ball in the basket, he could possibly be alright.”

On paper, Vince Carter is as tough as they come

Stuckey: “Carter gets a bad rap. He mailed in games while playing for Toronto, hasn’t hit a clutch shot in decades, wastes his talents, and could never lead a contender to a championship. But you know what? If I was going to war, Vince Carter would be the first guy I’d want by my side.” (Editor’s note: If I ever went to war with Vince Carter, I’d probably jump on a grenade just to get it over with quickly.)

On paper, the Los Angeles Clippers are the NBA’s greatest franchise

Stuckey: “The Clippers have never won a championship. They rarely ever make the playoffs. Every player they draft either gets perenially injured or sucks major ass. But you know what? People talk about them, all the time. Donald Sterling knows exactly what he’s doing. And things are looking up — they just hired Del Negro!”

On paper, Sam Cassell is gorgeous

Stuckey: “Say what you want to say about Sam. Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder.”

On paper, Michael Sweetney is thin

Stuckey: “Just kidding with this one, guys. Not even I can try to argue this.”

Not to be outdone by the Celtics’ meeting with Kwame Brown, the Los Angeles Clippers have signed Vinny Del Negro to be their next head coach. (Yahoo!)

Del Negro was fired by the Chicago Bulls in May after going 82-82 in two seasons and making two postseason appearances. Del Negro and Dallas Mavericks assistant coach Dwane Casey were finalists for the job and had second interviews in Los Angeles on Monday.

Mike Dunleavy stepped down as the Clippers’ coach midway through last season and continued as general manager until he was eventually fired. Dunleavy’s assistant Kim Hughes finished the season as interim coach.

Del Negro made a good impression on Clippers owner Donald Sterling and other team officials when he interviewed last week.

What, was Rick Pitino not available?

Vinny, Vinny, Vinny.

I know I wondered why Vinny Del Negro was being considered for any head coaching jobs. But now things are urgent and I’ve changed my mind: He is super-qualified to coach the Clippers and they’d be fools to pass him up!

Why such a 180? Del Negro is reportedly on the “short list” of candidates to replace Doc Rivers, should Rivers retire and, well, I’d rather not see that happen.

Still no word from Celtics coach Doc Rivers to some of his closest confidants as to whether he will be back on the Boston bench next season. Vinny Del Negro, who along with Dwane Casey is a finalist for the Clippers job, is on the Celtics’ short list of candidates to replace Rivers if he steps down to spend more time with his family.

So, uhh, Vinny Del Negro is a legitimate option if Rivers doesn’t come back? Need I ask why? I know he’s from Massachusetts and everything, but so am I. And I probably have as good a head coaching resume as Vinny does. I once coached my high school varsity’s summer league team to the championship game and, even though we lost, I made a genius decision to sic our diesel, tough, 5’11″ two-guard on the opposing team’s all-league, 6’7″ center and completely locked the soft bastard down. If my team wasn’t completely out-talented, we would have taken home the ring. You know what they say about me? That I could coach five mules to victory.

They don’t exactly say that about Vinny. People are more likely to consider him the mule. And now he might coach the Celtics? Yikes. This Vinny on the short list thing is either a practical joke being played by some high-ranking Celtics official, or it’s true. Here’s hoping it ain’t true.

Look, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen’s decisions on whether or not to remain Celtics could hinge on who the C’s coach is next season. Something tells me Vinny Del Negro isn’t going to be a guy who will keep them around. So why doesn’t Del Negro make it easy on us and get hired by the Clippers? Then I’ll never have to waste another second trembling in fear at the thought of Vinny and his $3 haircut coaching my Celtics.

Doc, if you’re reading this, please come back. Please.

Why, oh why, would anybody every hire Vinny?

In most walks of life, getting in a fight with your boss, generally being considered inadequate at your job and the laughingstock of your entire profession, then finally being mercilessly fired in a move that was long overdue would all mean you’re never hired by another company to fill the same position. In the NBA, it means you’re on the short list of potential candidates for any job opening in the next couple months.

Ask Vinny Del Negro. He went from being the biggest mockery in professional basketball only a couple months ago to now being mentioned for a few of the head coach openings left (including the Clippers and, should Doc Rivers retire, the Celtics). You probably already know this, but if Vinny Del Negro earns a head coaching job it will be a joke. Hell, it was a joke he earned one in the first place. If you showed up at a job interview in real life with Del Negro’s resume from a couple years ago, you would have been laughed out of the room. What kind of experience do you have? Umm, none. Do you have any sort of qualifications? Well, umm, I once played NBA Live in Franchise mode. What about recommendations? I’m, uh, friends with Steve Kerr?

After two seasons of bumbling his way to mediocrity, Del Negro’s resume is now probably even worse… yet he’s still being mentioned for almost every head coaching position still open. Huh?

When Del Negro was fired from the Bulls job, Kelly Dwyer wrote, “Vinny Del Negro was fired Tuesday — or last night, or last December — because he did a poor job of coaching the Chicago Bulls. His minute allotments were curious, his teams were wildly inconsistent and his outfits executed quite poorly on the offensive end. Also, Chicago was oftentimes less structured and efficient coming out of timeouts than it was heading into them, and any bit of player development can be more or less pegged on the expected growth you usually get from an athlete in his early 20s. He was not a good coach.”

To be fair, that wasn’t all Del Negro did during his tenure in Chicago. He also tended to run out of timeouts before the end of close games, once blew a 35-point lead (to the Kings, mind you), and proudly wore the haircut of an 11-year old boy. And oh yeah, there was also that time I mentioned earlier, when Del Negro got into a fight with his boss. That Del Negro’s teams got as far as they did (and getting to the first round of the NBA playoffs two years in a row, as a number seven and eight seed, isn’t a wonderful accomplishment by any stretch) wasn’t proof that Del Negro was a good coach — it was a miracle the Bulls were able to overcome their nitwit leader.

But now, the failed coach is probably going to get another opportunity to run a team. Not to say Del Negro doesn’t deserve another position, but, umm, he doesn’t at all deserve one. And if he does, if Vinny Del Negro gets an opportunity to try his hand a second time while qualified candidates like Brian Shaw remain assistants, whatever organization gives him another opportunity should be embarrassed. Unless it’s the Clippers — they’re well past shame already.

Kevin McHale is a leading candidate to become the Los Angeles Clippers’ head coach next season. (NBA Fanhouse)

As I tweeted late last night, the Clippers have finally moved ahead in their coaching search.

Sources say Dwane Casey (former Minnesota head coach and current Dallas assistant) and Kevin McHale (former Minnesota general manager and interim coach) have been contacted about the opening. No interviews have been scheduled as of yet. The Clippers had been telling candidates that they wouldn’t get started until after July 1.

Just in case Doc leaves, I don’t want McHale and that weird-ass body of his coaching in Los Angeles. If I have to hear Vinny Del Negro’s name uttered as a potential Celtics coach one more time, I’m going to throw my computer out the window.

Vinny Del Negro? You've gotta be kidding me.

Sports Illustrated’s Chris Mannix gave WEEI an interview today, and it’s just the latest in a long line of signs that Doc Rivers intends to walk away from basketball — and the Boston Celtics — before next season.

I’ve talked to a few coaching friends of Doc in the last 72 hours, and every one of them, the consensus is that he’s probably going to walk away. For all the reasons that he enumerated, there’s nothing remotely surprising about it. They feel like it’s time, they feel like it makes sense. He’s taken the team or the team has gone as a current group as far as they possibly can go and now is a great situation to leave. Nothing that’s new as far as I was being told, but the tug of the family in Florida and wanting to watch his kids grow up have really weighed on Doc a lot more this year than they have in years past. So the consensus is around the league that he’s going to walk away.

Mannix then spoke about possible Rivers replacements, naming Kevin McHale, Sam Mitchell and — wait for it… keep waiting… good God it’s bad — Vinny Del Negro as top choices. Look, losing Doc Rivers is bad enough. Speculation about Del Negro coaching the Celtics? Now that is some shit I can’t handle.

In other news, Mannix said one GM told him Ray Allen was going to ask for a five year, $75 million deal. What the fuck? That can’t be right, can it?